what’s percolating

Today's message brought to you by the Holy Spirit

2011-09-14T12:22:00.002-05:00

So the first couple of weeks of semester II have been stressful. That's an understatement. I don't have time for anything and I have to admit for the first time I feel like I would prefer to become a recluse. I'm really tired of people asking me to do things repeatedly after I tell them that I can't. I feel like I'm saying "I can't" more and more these days because of nursing school. It's depressing.

I haven't seriously thought about quitting but I have been questioning if I've been in the right place. This is incredibly intense and any sound person in this program has to also be asking themselves, "Am I in the right place." I just keep that thought tucked in the back of my mind and occasionally it pops out in times of super stress... so I think about it more right now than I realize.

I digress. The purpose of this post is to share the email I got today from my mother. It came out of the blue and this has only happened one other time in my life.... also from my mother. It gave me the chills when I considered the amount of stress that I'm under and helped me to kind of validate this intense amount of pressure and excuse the uncertainty.

Hey, Stephanie-- I have a friend who prays for me and my children and knows you're in nursing school at the U of A. She doesn't work here anymore, but she called me this morning because she said the Holy Spirit told her this message regarding YOU. She said He said "This is her time to step out in faith". She said "But wait, she has two daughters...which one is it?" She said He said, "Nursing".
That's you. I don't know what that means, but if you have a decision to make, this must be your answer. I love you!

So what do you think about that?

Busy fingers

2011-08-08T16:39:00.004-05:00

Rest is so underrated when you're in nursing school.

I'm doing absolutely nothing but catching up on television shows everyone talks about and knitting. In fact, I've been focusing on this one project I started last spring for my mum. It's a scarf I had to put down last spring. I had planned on finishing it before the summer semester started, however, there was this little tornado in Tuscaloosa...I'm sure you've heard about that.

Needless to say, I've made good progress, I believe. I'm hoping to finish this today and start on some baby projects for all of my girlfriends who are about to pop...actually... starting now!

Yesterday, we had a grill out to celebrate surviving semester I. It was awesome. I hope everyone had a good time. I love having all of my friends over. They are my Tuscaloosa family. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by a great support network. And people who introduce me to great recipes to try, like the amazing sweet potato cobbler we made and we each subsequently made love to.

Another small step towards the big picture

2011-08-04T21:14:00.001-05:00

The BSN NURSING degree has been chosen as the toughest degree among all the college degrees by the Guinness Book of World Records on 18 MAY 2011 . It has 64 university exams + 130 series exams + 174 assignments within 4 years (max 1000 working days). RMFT

And I passed pathophysiology today.

They say semester II is worse than I... I say, "Bring it, Semester II!" Rrrrriiight after I finish this two week sabbatical...

The Home Stretch

2011-07-31T23:35:00.002-05:00

Friday afternoon feels so far away but it is so close. I will have survived my first semester in upper division.

This has been exhausting. I've had a lot of unnecessary stress during this time, so I'm sure that hasn't helped my experience any. However, I still have loved every second of being there.

Currently, I have 12 chapters of material to make sure I know backwards, forwards, inside, and out by Thursday at 8 am. Who's idea was that time?? I'm not just physically exhausted, I'm mentally exhausted. I can barely focus on anything. I just have to pull that last little bit of energy out of me to make it and then Friday night, it's me, a bottle of wine, netflix, the cat, and maybe a pizza.

The pizza is only if I can get the magically disappearing $300 back from Kangaroo and Raceway. Somehow, I purchased $300 worth of gas at these stations. McQueen doesn't hold that much gas, in fact, it only holds approximately $28 worth at a time, and I most certainly do not have $300 worth of gas in canisters somewhere. Just more unwanted stress I have to handle. I'm going to have to skip the test review in the morning to go to the bank and not only change my address but alert them to fraud on my account and fill out whatever I need to get my moneys back. Thank God I have a good bank (knock on wood) and I feel confident I'm going to get my $300 back. It's just a scary thing to realize that you are holding your debit card and somehow, not one but two gas stations have added additional charges to your card even after you cleared your information from the pump. At least the old apartment officially released me from my lease and I'll be getting back more than what was stolen in the event working with my bank or whoever proves difficult. I just pray it doesn't consume my whole two weeks off.

Notice how late I'm up? Yeah, that's because I no longer work the morning shift. In fact, this girl is on sabbatical... I guess you can call it that... maybe more like semi-sabbatical. I'm only helping out on an as needed basis so I can recharge before semester 2. This is why I saved my money up before it was stolen: so I can relax!

One box at a time

2011-07-27T21:07:00.001-05:00

Trying to get my things unpacked and I just couldn't help myself...

Washing my hands

2011-07-27T07:25:00.004-05:00

Got my apartment emptied yesterday! Yayyyy! So glad to have that off my plate! I also found out that I have been officially released from lease and my re-let is satisfied, meaning all I have to do is turn in the keys to hell. W00t!

It took us about a half a day. A asked me if I was sad that all of my stuff fits in a Dodge van.

...No, not really. My stuff is everywhere in his apartment, and I have more stuff in Birmingham! I talked to Mum yesterday. I'm going to splurge on a u-Haul and get some of my stuff from Birmingham and an entertainment center from Montgomery. A dresser and an entertainment center is our wagon-wheel coffee table. But it's worth the trip. :) A is being such a good sport. Yesterday was a hard day and I should do something special for him. Stress has made me an evil monster and I don't like that. He has been so wonderful and supportive of me, I need to make extra sure I'm showing him how much I appreciate him.

Pricing at u-haul doesn't make much sense. To pick up a truck in Montgomery and drop off in Tuscaloosa is $294, 151 miles, and 1 day of use. To pick up in Tuscaloosa and return to Tuscaloosa is $100, 400 miles, and 3 days of use. ....the obvious choice is the latter... but I honestly expected the former to be the cheaper.

I'm so relieved to have this stress off of my mind! I can't for the words! I don't have to deal with those crazy girls anymore! I'm too old for that kind of environment. The more we move forward with this decision, the more I become reassured that A and I made the right choice; whether we preferred this timing or not, it was the right choice.

Confession: It felt really good to take the shower curtain...yeah, that was probably my favorite part... Don't judge yet (Meme). It's my curtain, I bought it, it's re-usable, and I plan on putting it up in our bathroom! However, C came in as I was leaving and went in the bathroom. I heard her shut the door and then heard her sliding the curtain that was left back and forth. Mentally I could just hear her saying, "that bitch" and I couldn't help but giggle inside. She's lucky A was there to stop me from taking the rings that held up the curtains. Those are mine, too, I don't need them, and A got me to admit I'd only take those for spite...

I can see my grandmother reading this thanking God that A was there to keep me from being vengeful and laughing at the same time. So maybe I won't tell the story about how I was drinking a beer while tearing down the shelving unit (that's mine) that shelved all of their pots and pans.

Moving Days

2011-07-26T07:55:00.005-05:00

The closer the summer comes to an end, the busier it seems to get. Yesterday was a patho test (90! W00t!), today is moving some of my things in with A. Major problem with moving is not knowing where to put all of our things. A has a lot of stuff...

My friends and I were talking the other day about starting a time capsule type deal. Journaling all of our nursing school experiences. When we're all done, we'll sit down together with several bottles of wine and read them out loud and eat tacos!

This summer has been hard, hard, hard. I've never physically felt stress like this before. I was telling A that I didn't understand this at all, considering I've dealt with much bigger monsters and much harder obstacles in the past. That being said, the last three months in Tuscaloosa have been.... different. I'm reluctant to use "depressing". That is far from the truth. But I guess the further I get away from April 27 and the more life goes one, the more I realize that dealing with the storm is much like a grieving process. It's just one of those things everyone deals with differently. I just happen to deal with stresses like that by putting more stress on myself. Makes it easier for me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the horse again.

I guess when I think about it, the physical manifestations of the stress of this summer is probably on par or better than expected. Wish I could have had the 40 lbs weight loss again... Storm, 13 straight days of work, little time off before starting summer 1 nursing school, passing my nursing classes AND working at the same time, moving... It's been a busy summer and full of change!! with change comes beauty like a butterfly

Sometimes life tells you different

2011-07-11T07:07:00.004-05:00

Patho exam today, I have to keep this brief!

Say a little prayer for me today and this week. Not only do I have a patho exam on two functional systems of the human body that don't really peak my interest, but I may have also found a person to sublease my apartment! This would fantastic! No more roommates!! No more bitches!

Where am I going, you ask?

Well... after much thought and consideration, A and I are going to live together. Hoorah! We didn't really want to take this step for awhile, considering it's before the two year mark for us to discuss the future. However, current living situations in hell have made us rethink and revisit our position on that. This is why they're bitches. That being said, I'm excited! I was pretty nervous at first about this idea. It's something I swore I would never do again. However, as we settle in, it's very natural. People keep saying, "Steph, it's been two weeks." To that I say, "Right. And before we made it 'official,' I was there all the time anyway. Now I'm just moving stuff out of the storage unit with roommates."

Now I get to have my awesome bed back!!! OK, enough excitement, I have to get back to the patho...

The best thing I ever did

2011-07-08T13:10:00.001-05:00

I'm so in love w CCN.

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Alls I gots to say....

2011-06-30T19:10:00.001-05:00

...If you have this many instructions, maybe you shouldn't have made this an online class...

Module 3: Information Competency

Overview

How is it that we know something—I mean really know it? This module focuses on knowing. Hopefully you will learn how to use computerized information to help you know better nursing practices.

Objectives

After this module, you will be able to:

Access health and nursing information from electronic sources, both wired and mobile.
Evaluate information found on the Internet.
Explore a myriad of ways to use information from small, mobile devices to improve patient safety and quality of care.
Describe the components and carry out the documentation of a Nurse Note.
Use Chief Complaints.
Carry out the documentation of Vital Signs and Physical Assessment.

Assignments

Perform the following tasks as instructed: (NOTE: Address any questions or concerns regarding this module to the HELP WANTED forum on the Discussion Board.)

The assignments should be created using Word or a compatible Word processor, and the format should include 1" margins and Times New Roman, 12-point font. You will be instructed when and how to save and upload each assignment.

Assignment 1: Surfing the Web (Individual Assignment 20 pts)

Read chapters 11-13 in the course textbook, Thede & Sewell.
View the audio PowerPoint lecture on Information Competency [19:05]. For your note-taking purposes, you may download the PowerPoint presentation or print version files.
You learned in Module 2 how to search library databases to locate information. Now, you will search the Internet. Access the Internet.
1. In the browser search engine, type “diabetes.” How many sites were generated?
2. Now, revise the search to “diabetes AND adults.” How many sites were generated?
3. Refine further to “diabetes AND adults NOT pharmacology.” How many sites were generated?
4. From the results generated, locate one site that is available electronically and is not a journal article. Explore the site and evaluate it by answering the questions on the M3A1 handout, which was generated from Table 11-1, p. 192 of your textbook.
5. Save your completed copy of the handout as “lastname_firstname_M3a1” and upload it as an attachment to the M3A1 drop box in the Assignments drop box.
For the Module 3 Assessment, you will have 5 assessment questions that address the content in this assignment.

Assignment 2: Evidence for Practice (Individual Assignment 10 pts)

Open the M3A2 handout to perform the following tasks:
1. Select one of the web sites created for the purpose of promoting evidence-based practice during your Internet search in M3A1.
2. Search that web site for information on diabetes.
3. Identify three things that would be helpful in conducting patient teaching to a patient with diabetes.
4. Using the levels of evidence on p. 211, which level of evidence is provided by this site?
5. Summarize the information, the level of evidence and your rationale, and the source with the URL address linked.
Save your report as "lastname_firstname_m3a2" and upload it as an attachment to the M3A2 link in the Assignments drop box.

Assignment 3: Mobile Devices

Case: JT is a new admission on your assigned clinical unit. He is a 48-year-old, large-framed white male who has been newly diagnosed with diabetes mellitus. He is 6 feet tall and weighs 304 lbs. He has no other health problems. He is prescribed the medication Glipizide.
Task: Locate the software on your iPod touch that gives you the information about diabetes mellitus, ideal body weights, conversions to kilograms, medications, and lab values. You will have questions on the Module 3 Assessment based on this scenario that can be answered from your iPod touch.

Assignment 4: Reference Management (Individual Assignment 10 pts)

You have searched the CINAHL database. Now that you have had a bit more practice, you will expand your searching capabilities to other databases.

Thede and Sewell briefly describe the use of personal reference manager software. The University of Alabama has used EndNote in the past but currently uses and supports RefWorks. RefWorks is an online bibliographic database that allows users to collect and manage citations to use in personal research and in collaboration. Refworks helps you generate reference lists and format them according to APA format (or other formats if needed). RefWorks can be used to gain information about citing sources and creating bibliographies. To learn more, visit the following RefWorks links. You will be writing many papers during your student career at UA. Therefore, these tools can serve you well.
1. RefWorks Tutorial
2. RefWorks vendor's link
3. RefWorks UA
4. Create a RefWorks account for yourself. As you complete the next step of this assignment, save one article from 3 nursing databases to your RefWorks account.
5. Create a screen shot of your work using the instructions for screen shots in Module 1. Save in a Word document.
6. Following your screenshots (using the same Word document), save your RefWorks bibliography in APA format (include the name of the database used at the end of each citation) as "lastname_firstname_m3a4," and upload it as an attachment to theM3A4 link in the Assignments drop box.

Assignment 5: Nurse Note Documentation-Level 1 (Individual Assignment 10 pts)

Read Chapter 4 in your Hamilton course textbook. For your notes you may download the PowerPoint presentation files. Hamilton Ch 4 PPT
Note that the SpringCharts exercises within the Hamilton book build upon one another. To complete the SpringCharts exercise for credit in this module, you must have completed the Ch 3 exercises, even if they were not assigned for credit.
Note that to submit this assignment electronically you need to know how to create .pdf files. If you have access to Adobe Acrobat or another .pdf writer select it rather than your printer and save the attachment to your NUR 309 folder. If you do not have access to those, follow the instructions in the preface of the Hamilton textbook: Submitting Assignments Electronically page xxvii. You will save and upload the assignment to the drop box rather than send it by e-mail.
Throughout this learning module and in your pathophysiology course you have learned about diabetes. Now you will use SpringCharts to document findings on a diabetic patient in Exercise 4.1 in your Hamilton textbook titled "Diabetes". (You should have created this patient previously in Exercise 3.2).
Once you have entered all the information in Exercise 4.1, go to File and then Print Chart, but select NO when it asks to print the entire chart. In the print partial chart menu select all the options and print. From there you will create a .pdf file, save it as "lastname_firstname_M3A5", and upload it as an attachment to the M3A5 drop box. Diabetes SpringChart Example
Remember that assignments build upon each other, so complete ALL the exercises in the assigned chapters even if they are not for credit.

Assignment 6: Module 3 Assessment (50 pts)

Access the Assessments link to complete the Module 3 Assessment.

Upon the completion of Module 3, proceed to Module 4.

I'd get married again just to not have a roommate

2011-06-24T21:24:00.003-05:00

My Internet crapped out after the storm. It's not in my name so I told the roommate, J, who has the bill for the Internet. It became pulling teeth to find out if anything was getting done. Bottom line, because I don't feel like telling all the details, I asked her to get it fixed or just reimburse me my money since I'd paid her for the full summer. I was put off, given excuses, told she didn't have money since she lost her job from the storm, somebody had to do this, somebody had to do that... It was getting super tiresome and I'm too old for this shit.

So... when she posted on her facebook that she was going to the bars (after the cruise she took after she lost her job, after she claimed her sibling that doesn't live with her on her income taxes and after she told me she didn't have any money to pay reimburse me), A posted something about her and money and Internet and I don't know...

and then she started calling.... and calling... until I answered.

She was irrational and telling me what I needed to tell "my boyfriend" to do and to delete and I'm thinking... wtf... and tell her calm down and wtf? Then I lit into her. First about getting the damn Internet fixed and that this had gone on long enough. Second about whatever between her and A was staying between her and A because he is his own individual and is autonomous.

Then the best thing happened: she took me off of facebook so I couldn't even see what was said! Darn.

So I sent her this message:

Well I went to check and see what Adam had said to make you so angry and I see that you have unfriended me. To be perfectly honest I don't care. I know that I can't help you with this kind of behavior.

Creating this much drama over me telling you I couldn't connect to the Internet is just irrational and ridiculous. I find stuff like this insultingly juvenile and petty. The thing that I hate is that when I tried to talk to you like an adult, you had to get irrational they way you did. And not only on the phone this evening but even in the apartment when you asked me to stop sending you Facebook messages. This type of behavior is extremely immature. There is absolutely no reason for any drama to be brought into this issue. I honestly feel that you were looking for something to be upset with me over and the fact that I tried to be cooperative and courteous insulted you. That makes absolutely no sense. I wish I knew what I have done to make you so incredibly angry with me. I've always been open to making things right with people, especially if I've wronged them. You're an adult. I expected better out of you.

I am not expecting you to respond to this message, and honestly I don't want you to. I'm relieved that I won't have any financial ties to you in the apartment, as well, especially after the way you behaved with me on the phone and in the apartment. I'm relieved to not have to worry about unnecessary drama. I regret that the resolution of you giving me back my $29 didn't come sooner so that I could have made other arrangements for Internet connection. I hope one day you can look back and see how petty and stupid this argument is.

Progress

2011-06-23T09:05:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the distance. I'm a little hesitant to park too close because I don't want to pick up any nails in my tires.

Progress

2011-06-18T21:42:00.003-05:00

Made a few stops before I went home to Birmingham today.

Everybody likes a debate!

2011-06-16T06:58:00.003-05:00

Funny nursing school story:

We have to do these debates. School assignments like these are asking for it... If you can't tell, I'm a little opinionated. Maybe a little strong-headed... but just a little. Not much at all...nah. They divided us up in to groups and the first two groups delivered their debates yesterday. The rest of us were allowed to ask questions following and active participation was encouraged because these debates would be a part of our midterms and finals.

OK...

The first group presents the pros and cons of whether or not an alcoholic should be allowed a liver transplant. I take out my notebook, jot down the arguments as the list them, their reasonings and immediately on the side for allowing alcoholics to get a new liver, I see that they have a contradictory argument. So I form my question and wait patiently to ask it. When they conclude and open the floor, I raise my hand because I'm a good student like that and ask, "This question is for the pro side, you mentioned that most alcoholics who receive a new liver and commit to lifelong rehab and sobriety are said to be successful. The cons mentioned that 95% of alcoholics have at least one drink within the first year post surgery and your side also mentioned that alcoholism is a disease and stressed the importance of treatting that disease. Do you think that allowing an alcoholic to receive a liver is really treating the disease if 95% have a drink in the first year?"

Crickets and blank stares. I didn't think I was asking that hard of a question! But they couldn't answer it!

The next group comes to the front and presents the pro's and cons of increasing health insurance premiums for smokers and the obese. This should be good. Now granted, these are kids ten years younger than me so they have missed decades worth of news articles and debates I've already seen and heard on these subjects. Despite that, I forgot this myself and assumed to hear the same arguments when this issue came up in the early 2000s. I again pay attention, write down my thoughts and their points, form my question and tuck it aside and wait for my turn. This debate, I admit, got me more fired up than the prior. The side in favor of allowing insurance companies to raise premiums missed major points and had huge holes. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one with tough questions.

"You mentioned that insurance companies have a right to raise insurance premiums selectively because they are their own business. The United States constitution explicitely protects from discrimination such as this. By allowing these companies to selectively choose who has higher premiums, do you not find this unconstitutional? What about people who need the insurance to help them pay for medical problems with obesity as a side-effect? Or those on fixed-incomes who can't afford a healthier eating regime? Can you tell me how it is constitutional for an insurance company to pick and choose who is a higher risk?"

The group stood in silence with their mouths open, looked at each other for a second and then stared back at me. Finally, a one of the first girls to speak stuttered her original argument. So I asked again, "So you are saying that yes, it's constitutional for an insurance company to discriminate?"

"I don't understand those big words."

This is the future of America and somebody's future nurse --- not Mine!!

After the debates, I was flooded with people thanking me for not asking them a question and the rest of the nursing students asking me to be nice to them when it was time for their group to go...

Yup... leave it to me...

Days go by

2011-06-15T06:46:00.004-05:00

My drive in to work every day requires me to drive through damage from the storm. I believe I have mentioned this in a previous post. There is literally no route from my job that I can take without seeing devastation. I have to admit that it's kind of numbing to see it everyday and that seems to make everything a little bit more bearable, a bit like a seasoned doctor or nurse who sees blood everyday or sticks a needle in a vein. It's becoming normal.

I don't know if it's the stress from school, because upper division at the Capstone College of Nursing is intense, or if it's just part of the grieving process, but recently, seeing the same things I've seen everyday have stirred up some of the first identifiable emotions I've had from the storm; the shock, the heaviness in my stomach, the sadness. The sadness is always there, numb or not. But it's a rollercoaster ride and I guess right now, I'm going up a hill.

I realized today they are working on Rosedale. I don't know what words to describe because you can't tear down what's already torn down. It's more like, consolidating the piles of rubble.

Outside of Rosedale Court, April 28, 2011

It's no longer mounds of brick and wood in the now fenced in remains. It's larger mounds. They are starting to clean it up. And while I thought that it would maybe be a relief to see that debris finally disappear, I have to admit that it took my breath away.

I realized this morning that it's the change that's getting to me. It's so much change in so little time. I'm still having to learn the streets all over again because nothing is recognizable along many roads. As soon as I have begun to learn new landmarks, they change again.

This says so much to the hard-working men and women out in this 1o0 degree heat, every day, picking up the pieces of our lives and throwing them away as we all move on. The miracle that our spirits are still so high in Tuscaloosa bodes so well for our future and despite the stinging pain that finds it way up from time to time, it's going to be exciting to see what the future holds for this resilient town.

In other news...

2011-06-14T07:20:00.003-05:00

Life has gone on since the storm (and before considering my lack of writing!).

I used to be such a dedicated blogger... and now I just fail at all corners of this because of school but you should know that this had paid off! I started upper division nursing at the Capstone College of Nursing! Roll Tide!! If you thought I didn't write enough before....

So far, I've studied literally two solid weeks for a pathophysiology test ONLY to make an 80 on it. Only? Yes, "only"! The grading scale is Completely Different! How about an 80 is a C+... This is my first C in ANYTHING since I was in chemistry... I even got a tutor for the first time in my life. I'm going to be learning lessons not only in patho but in humility and realistic expectations.

What's really awesome is how much the school did for the community during the storm. Many of the nurses in the program hit the streets and helped the Red Cross and other blood donation sites, medical treatment sites, etc, with paperwork and triage along with other donation sites and hard labor work. I can't say Roll Tide enough to all of the hard workers and volunteers who have worked non-stop since the storm that have made such a remarkable change in our town!!

The nursing building is now located in a new building on the UA campus that is completely state-of-the-art. I'm exhausted but that doesn't begin to smother my excitement to be there! The second floor is just a mini-hospital for us to get hands on training! And we have little red scrubs with little crimson and white patches with the UA logo on it. Confession: I put them on as soon as they came in and...well...they're unisex... and unisex pants apparently don't forgive women's hips... so no carbs for me!!!

Part 3

2011-06-04T09:19:00.001-05:00

I was going to post photos from my walk through Rosedale the after the storm. But this video does it so much better...

Part 2

2011-05-21T12:26:00.006-05:00

So many people think "Where were you during the storm?" and I don't think that can summarize the full story in Tuscaloosa. There is so much more to people's stories besides where they were. In fact, the more remarkable stories are after the storm hit.

I'm sure everyone by now has seen at least one YouTube video of the Tuscaloosa Tornado. For some reason there were tons of idiots out there joyfully chasing this monster as it journeyed and ate a fourth of Tuscaloosa. To put it in perspective why I despise the videos of guys "whoo-hooing" in the videos, 2300 homes were leveled in Tuscaloosa from this. That number doesn't include the number of damaged homes, the number or leveled business, or the number of damaged businesses. Think about that the next time you watch the video. This storm destroyed so much of what is Tuscaloosa, it's hard to conceive how far reaching the devastation actually is unless you see it in person.

That being said, I still find it sad so many people come just to sight-see. We are not a place for that. Tuscaloosa is a place of so much more than the devastation you see on the news.

On the day after the storm, I was number. My car wouldn't go into gear and I borrowed A's car so I could get to work. It ended up being a good thing that I did because debris was everywhere. I find it important to define "debris" at this time. Most of the time, that word makes a person think about tree limbs down or even fallen trees, maybe some trash strewn about in yards, or even the house on the corner that lost a gutter. That's not the debris I'm talking about.

Tuscaloosa looked like a post-Apocalyptic war zone.

I was on the phone with my mother driving south on 359. I passed the 15th Street exit knowing that a out of my line of site was an area completely devastated. I knew the business were blown away, I knew the houses were gone. I knew cars were upside down in the streets. I knew that from the Guthrie's parking lot, you could see clear across to the Home Depot on the other side of Forrest Lake. In my mind's eye, I knew the area had a whole knew landscape. But I wasn't prepared for the devastation the tornado caused before it reached that area.

It was 6 am and the sun was just starting to rise over Tuscaloosa. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Pink fluffy material started to appear on the roads. The it was the larger pieces of metal. Yeesh! Debris got thrown here, too! After 359 ascended into an actual freeway, the landscape around me drastically changed. Only half of every tree was left standing, more of the pink fluffy material that insulates a house lined the roads. Fortunately, nothing large was in the road blocking the drive to work. I looked to to the right and noticed damage to buildings. I looked to my left and saw much worse.

A large metal tower was bent and twisted along the side of the road, not broken from its wide base but creased at the four posts that made the bottom. Cars were in ditches, upside down, on their sides, flattened and most with red "X's" spray-painted on the doors. The grass the remained looked like it had be freshly vacuumed from where it had been pulled from the earth. The church that identified my exit was missing one wall. A portion of the brick on one side was missing. I was the only vehicle on the road at the time and began to slow in anticipation of debris in the road. I drove underneath the first overpass holding my breath. To the right, tall mounds of wood and metal were left in place of the warehouses that marked my exit. To my left, a very large metal cylinder had rolled down the hillside, stopping just before the exit. The fence that lined the highway was gone. The posts of the buildings I had never paid attention before were all that were left of the businesses on Greensboro. Large metal boxes were lining the hillside of my exit. My exit? This is Kaloosa? Strips of metal were everywhere. Steel beams were bent in half and dug into the ground. I had never seen anything like this.

The eeriest part of seeing a disaster area is what you don't see anymore. There were no trees. there were no light posts. The traffic lights were missing. The area looked developed and completely undeveloped at the same time.

At this time, the death toll had not been announced. I knew without a doubt there was no way anyone could have survived in the relatively small amount of devastation I had seen so far.

I turned left off of the highway and back over the Interstate toward work. The car dealership to my left was missing windows and most of the cars were missing windows and were dented. I felt the sting of how expensive just that damage was going to be. It was a new BMW dealer. In the scheme of things, though, it was lucky. The business itself was missing one wall and a few panes of glass. It could reopen as soon as the roads were open for the repairs to be made.

The intersection ahead of me was out and the police were blocking the road. You could only turn right. To go straight ahead you would have to travel on foot and to go left would definitely require an ATV if you didn't want to walk. The entrance to my work is a right turn ahead of it. I hadn't realized the area was so hard hit.

There is a small neighborhood that you have to drive through to get to the station. It's a short road with a speed table and three stop signs. Small, inexpensive and old houses line the drive with tall trees giving shadow from the sun. On this day, after the first stop sign, I was grateful I was not in my small car. I wouldn't have been able to make it.

Trees lined the streets. Large limbs were in the middle of the road. I couldn't see the houses from the oaks that had fallen over. God, I hope no one was hurt. I slowed the vehicle to a creep and carefully maneuvered around the limbs. I made it to the second stop sign where on both sides of me large trees were blocking the rest of the neighborhood in. I steered around on last limb and had made it through. I could see the station now and it was just fine.

Looking back on this day is hard. I can't remember a lot. It's still a blur. I am not sure I can even write a timeline for the 28th the same way I can the 27th. I got in the building and started to work but I can't remember what work I did at first. JT came in after I did, followed by Todd and I can't remember who after that. This is where I really regret not journaling all of this as it occurred.

I'll just have to start this part of the story like this: We went on air at 8 am. We didn't go off air that day until 10 pm. At work, we had already sent emails back and forth to let each of us know that we were alive and safe. JT, Deelo, and Kyle had been at the station in the storm hit. That's how Deelo managed to shoot this video:

After the storm hit and the generator started working at the station, the story kind of goes like this: The guys just started talking about what had just happened. There were no phones or television for anyone to know what was going on. Few people had Internet access. Once the generator was supplying juice to get the phones powered, the guys apparently worked off of text messages from people able to give them information on the scope of things.

Then the phone calls started to come in. That's when everything changed.

"Hey, I'm in here and I need this and I don't know who to call."

"What we can do is pass that information along and find out for you."

That turned into, "Hey, my name is Fred and I have a chainsaw. If you need help, call or text 555-5555 and I'll come help you."

That then turned into people calling in with, "We need a home," and those calls were answered with, "We have a spare room."

In what is being heralded as one of the worst natural disasters in American history, my town came together. When we started the broadcast on Thursday, the phone calls continued.

"We have food."

"We need food."

"We need water."
"We have water."

"We have a donation drop off site."

"We're coming from North Carolina with an 18-wheeler."

The calls didn't stop. We were flooded. We were flooded with information to direct and we did it. I don't want to sound boastful about what we did. I don't want my back scratched or patted or to be awarded for my small stations efforts. We did what was natural to us and what was coming naturally to our town already; community. We would spend the next 17 days on the air broadcasting news, information, donation sites, needs, stories, heart breaks, reunions, good news, bad news, even our own personal stories. If there was a rumor in town, we would already have it debunked and have the facts ready to prove it.

And the rumors were tremendous. But I'll get to that at another time.

Thursday was such a confusing day for me. I had so many places I needed to be, so many things I needed to do. I had a test from Wednesday night that had been cancelled. When would it be made up? I was leaving for a trip the next morning, on business with A for his work. When would I be able to get home to pack...when would I be able to get home? Fortunately, I had a load of clothes at his apartment already. The wonderful man that he is washed and packed what I did have in one of his bags so I could have something to take on our trip.

It was getting to be later in the morning and around1030 am when we started to have a steady flow of phone calls, I told JT I needed to try to get to my apartment. I still didn't know if it was there, I didn't know the status of my roommates, and I didn't know if I would be able to get my things. I jumped in to A's car knowing that this would have to be a quick trip despite the obscene amount of traffic. A quick glance to 359 from the building showed it was literally a parking lot. Cars were lined up to view the devastation. smh...people need to quit. This site-seeing proved to be one of my biggest pet peeves of this entire ordeal.

I knew I wouldn't be able to get to campus from 259. It was literally not moving. My only other option was to turn right out of the small neighborhood and head in the direction of the devastation. I would have to make a huge detour, though, one that would take me straight up around all of the hardest hit areas. I had no idea how I would be able to get to where I was going without jumping on 359. The police were at every intersection and the state troopers were parked at every exit. This was going to be a nightmare.

I decided to continue my plane towards the devastation. I detoured down Greensboro to McFarland. All of the traffic lights in town were out and it was frustrating to get through each one when people didn't treat them as a four way stop. Especially at McFarland. Finally, someone let me take my turn and I was able to head toward campus on McFarland Blvd. The traffic was slow but moving and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it all the way up. I detoured again through some newly built apartments to the Target. When I got to the next traffic light, I was halted by more devastation and police officers. At the Home Depot, I looked to my left and there was nothing. My bank was even damaged. Well, there go my funds for the beach... They wouldn't reopen for four more days. It's a credit union and both locations were halted. I wouldn't be able to do anything electronically until I had Internet and they were open again. I looked in my wallet and saw a $5 bill. I felt pretty helpless with that knowledge.

The police at the light wouldn't let me turn left. The area behind him was 15th and McFarland, now known as Ground Zero around here. There was nothing there and building debris everywhere. It was the closest I had been since it hit not 17 hours earlier. Another cop was positioned directly in front of me. Behind him were homes that were completely destroyed. It was a neighborhood I had driven through a million times and now it was rubble. I would have to go right again.

I made it to the next traffic light and decided I would have to ask a policeman to let me through so I could get to Jack Warner. If I could get to Jack Warner, I could get to campus. If I could get to campus, I could get home. I told the officer at the next light where I lived and that I was trying to find out if I had a home. He was nice and let me through. Carefully, I drove down the road through heavy, heavy debris. The traffic was crawling and a lot of people were walking around. Trees were on rooftops and cars were missing windows. The landscape collectively was barely recognizable. The houses didn't look the same. I felt heartbreak looking at the homes I had wished I could buy to fix up and make my own one day. I was slowly making my way into Alberta, and area I had no idea how hard had been hit at the time.

I came to another road block and as I waited my turn, I looked to my left and saw a bent street sign. I read the street and started to recognize where I was. I followed the street sign to find a sign of a curb and realized I was driving in an area directly hit by the tornado. I was behind a shopping center that housed my old gym, the Hobby Lobby, Big Lots, Chuck E. Cheese... all of that was gone and I was like driving on pieces of the building. Holy shit... I had no clue that I was where I was. Nothing looked the same. As I began to look harder at the scene, I realized the people walking around weren't just helping other people. Many of the people were walking toward me in as much of the street as possible with suit cases. I wonder now where these people were going because they were walking miles to the nearest shelter if they were headed to the Belk Center. It didn't dawn on me at the time that these people probably didn't have a destination. I was too busy realizing they were carrying in these suitcases all they had left from their home.

I finally reached the cop and told him what the police officer had told me to tell him to get through the block.

"No, ma'am, you can't go through here."

"But I'm just trying to get home and get my things. It's my home. I just want to get to Jack Warner."

"Not this way you're not."

"But I live here. How do I get home?"

"I don't care. You can't go home."

"Just, please, tell me how I can get to Jack Warner, please," I was desperate. "Can you at least tell me if it's still standing?"

"You can't go home." He pointed for me to turn around and another police officer walked up. I gave up and turned around. I knew there had to be a way for me to get to Jack Warner.

I headed back to the main road and tried another road to Jack Warner. This one was covered with trees. I followed a car through the neighborhood hoping it was going to lead me to the other side. When I got to another police officer, I explained what I was trying to do again.

"Ma'am, I don't think you're going to be able to get home. We're not even letting the folks who live here through."

"I understand that but can you tell me how I can get to Jack Warner from here? If I can get there, I think I should be able to get home."

"Well..." he thought for a minute. "Alberta is all gone and you won't be able to get to Kicker. You're going to have to turn around and go to 359."

Groan..."It's pretty bad over there, too. The traffic isn't moving. Do you know about the toll bridge?"

"No, I don't but even if you did get to Jack Warner, I am not sure it doesn't have road blocks on it, too."

I tried five more road blocks, some officers as friendly as the second one, many as tired and mean as the first one. I was tired and just wanted out of the car. I gave up. I couldn't get home.

I headed back to the station worried about my apartment. I didn't even know where to begin to start to park and walk and find out much less get my things. When I finally made it back to the exit to the station, a state trooper was parked blocking the entrance. He wouldn't let me through. I pointed to him where I was going and he wouldn't budge. I showed him the email and my badging that showed he had to let me through the road block and he still didn't let me through. Instead, he made me drive back up 359, on to 15th Street, down Greensboro, through a second road block, show my badging again, drive through Rosedale and then to the station.

It took two hours to do that. It took less time to make it through 7 roadblocks to find out I was displaced than it did for me to get back to the station. Tuscaloosa was a traffic disaster. Everyone was site seeing. And I can understand despite how frustrating it was. Your jaw dropped at the devastation.

I got back to the station, let them know I was back and decided to walk to Rosedale and take photos for the website. It was on my to-do list for the day. Taking pictures was not something I wanted for my own personal memoirs. It was a twenty minute walk to the area.

I have more to write about my walk to the area and seeing the immediate needs, the immediate devastation, and the cleaning-up already started. However, I don't want to write all of this in one sitting. Thursday was an emotionally draining day for me. As I'm trying to write this and recall everything, I get exhausted remembering the emotions of the days. It stung to hear "you can't go home," over and over again. It still stings to remember the uncertainty of having a home, deciding on what to do about a planned trip when you're already displaced I mean, where else would I have gone? I was very torn that day on whether to stay in Tuscaloosa because I felt so compelled to fix what had happened but I wanted to go on this trip, whether I had my things or not, so I wouldn't have to see this disaster another second. While I think it's important for me to write down everything I can now before I forget and to tell my story, I think it's more important for me to remember all I can not just so that twenty years from now I can show my kids history, but for therapy. I also think it's important to keep this from being boring and exhausting to read in one sitting!

Walking through Rosedale was a medley of emotions that I still haven't defined. For that matter, Part 3 will be about the experience and I will include the photos I took. For me walking through Rosedale was walking into another world.

...tbc

Part 1

2011-05-19T08:53:00.004-05:00

I'm alive.

Who knew I'd ever have an experience in my life where I needed to let people know I was alive?

During the early morning hours of April 27, 2011, I was sleeping hard in my bed while the rain came down. I was woken up only a few short minutes before my alarm went off at 5 am by a loud clap of thunder.

It was dark. It made a chill run down my back.

I jumped out of the bed and simultaneously, the sirens were going off in Tuscaloosa. I reached for my phone and called work. I had to be there. We had been broadcasting on air for days that large super cell storms were expected on Wednesday afternoon. We knew a small front was coming through in the morning but it was expected to be bad. It was the afternoon that concerned the weathermen.

I flipped on the TV and called JT. He was already at the station and told me to stay put. I could come in when the winds calmed down. I pulled on my clothes, brushed my teeth, and was ready for work. I had my school books ready to go. I had a lab final for anatomy at 5 pm. These storms were already a nuisance. I was more worried about whether or not I would be able to take my final and how much more time I had left to study for it.

By 5:30 am, I was able to walk out the door and head to work. Immediately, I was put to task updating weather, updating websites, following the radar, what had JP Dice just said? All seemed to calm down by 8:00 am.

In Alabama during the spring, weather like this always happens. You pray for the best and never expect the worse. Certainly, these weather men are overhyping the afternoon line of storms.

I headed to my 9 am and 10 am classes in the light rain as scheduled. Weather statements had been texted to my phone from UA to be aware of strong storms. I had wished they had cancelled my classes so I could get two extra hours of study in. At 11 am, I went to Gorgas Library on the campus of the University of Alabama. For those unaware of the layout, I was about a half a mile from 15th Street. I spent the rest of the day there prepping for my lab final. I didn't really care about my test, I just needed to pass it. I had already gotten my acceptance letter to the Capstone College of Nursing on the 16th and had an A in the course. I just wanted to keep my A for my GPA.

I was with some classmates in a study room and around 1 pm, we decided we wanted to watch James Spann and have a laugh while we studied. We took a big flat screen television and plugged it up to a macbook. From the macbook, we played the 33/40 ustream. James Spann was already calling out towns, already had the suspenders showing.

On the ustream, there was a chat and C decided he wanted to "play" with some of the people in the chatroom. With all of the fuss on the weather, it was nearly impossible for us to truly focus on identifying reproductive organs on cats, tissue samples, and physiological processes. We were having too much fun watching the television. We were having too much fun debunking this one girl in the chatroom who was saying it was so dark in Tuscaloosa and how scary it looked outside when the sun was out. We typed in "The sun is out. We are on campus. No dark clouds in the sky."

Immediately, responses flowed in to us: "Not the sun!" "The sun is so bad!" "I hope that sun goes away!"

Perplexed we asked why this was so bad. I had no clue. I'm almost 30 and have been through so many storms before, never had I heard the sun is bad.

"The sun heats up the atmosphere and will make the storm stronger."

About this time, I can't remember the exact time on my watch, James Spann started calling out highways in Cullman. I have family in Cullman. My brother. My sister. My nephews. Where are they?

The camera showed this massive storm eating buildings in Cullman. I immediately sent out text messages. "Where are you?" "Are you in a safe place?" All of them were unanswered and time started to slow down.

"C, my family lives there. I can't joke anymore. They're calling out streets where they work and live," I nervously told him. The rest of our friends fell silent, awkwardly giggling to kill the tension every so often. I picked up my phone again and thought long and hard. Finally, I dialed my grandmother's number.

"Meme? Are you watching the TV?"

"No, you're Paw and I are playing on the computer." For the first time in my life, my grandmother was not watching severe weather. That's why she hadn't called yet!

"Well, I don't want to panic you, but a big tornado just ripped through Cullman. It was in downtown. I tried calling Steve, Sonya, and Mary but they aren't answering. If you hear from them, let me know."

"Oh really? I had no idea. Buddy! Turn on the TV, there's weather!" Watching James Spann in the south is like... the President interrupting Flipper. A necessary nuisance. "Where are you? Are ya'll getting weather yet?"

"No, ma'am. The sun is out here. But these storms are supposed to just pop up, so..." I trailed off. No one wants to panic their grandparents, "Well we just don't know what to expect today. I was watching that storm on the TV at the library. We're studying for our final. I'm hoping this weather doesn't postpone my final. We have a beach trip to go on Friday! I can't make up an exam then!"

"Well, you'll do your best I know. Steve is in Decatur today but I'll try to call Mary and Sonya," this brought relief to me even though my sister and sister-in-law and nephews were still quiet in Cullman.

I hung up the phone and we went back to watching. I plugged my phone up to make sure I kept charge. If we did lose power, I knew I'd need as much life as possible until the power company got things working again.

At 3:45 pm, the tornado sirens went off again. The siren is actually on the side of Gorgas Library and it pierced my ears. Well, we're done for the day. We unplugged the computer, packed up, and headed down. On campus the procedure is to move to the lowest level of the building during a warning. All classes are suspended until the warning is over. As we gathered our bags, we jokingly laughed about how this is going to be such a close call on our final. T was in tears that yet another exam would be postponed due to weather. She had worked so hard this semester.

T was nervous about the storms. More than she let on. She had never been in a tornado before. She had no idea what to expect and was apprehensive when I tried to tell her she had nothing to worry about.

We moved to the first floor of Gorgas. The library is a huge, well built building. It's 9 floors total of cement, brick, and books. The first floor is a misleading name because it's not the lowest level of the building. When we came down the stairs to the cafe, we entered to a large crowd of people gathered around another large screen TV with James Spann. The camera this time showed a wall cloud.

My phone started buzzing. My sister Candice wanted to know if I was in a safe place. I have a bad habit of going outside during tornadoes. This sick obsession with physically seeing them and wanting to study them with my eyes. I sent her a message, "I'm on campus. I'm safe." I wasn't worried about me at this point, I was still trying to find my family in Cullman. If truly went to the lowest level of the building, I wouldn't have a signal.

I called Mary again and this time she answered. "Mary where are you?"

She had been asleep when the storm hit. The TV said the hospital in Cullman had been hit, where Mary works. He newborn son was in a house next door to the hospital. OhmiGod my nephew! "Mary have you talked to David?"

"I didn't even know a storm had hit!"

"Well, it hit the hospital. I can't get in touch with Sonya, either. Where's Logan?"

"At my mom's. They have a storm shelter," she sounded like she was holding her breath. "I'll call you back."

The sirens were going off again. It was 4:15. This time it wasn't the tornado sirens but the building sirens. The whining sound was mixed with a voice that read off the weather warnings and what to do.

My phone buzzed again. Here we go. It was my mother. Mum was wanting to know where I was, if I was safe. She turned on James Spann.

I cussed that she was watching. I looked at the TV again and James Spann was saying the tornado was developing west of Tuscaloosa. Piss. Mum is watching this. I typed in my phone my default answer. "Mum, I'm safe. I'm on campus at the library." She responded: Don't go outside! I laughed and showed my friends. "Don't worry. They won't let us go outside." I lied.

I had already been outside to talk to Mary. There was so much commotion. It was loud and hard to hear on the phone. I walked outside again to call my mother. It was a ghost town.

Wind was blowing lose sheets of paper around. Several people were standing under the awning smoking cigarettes nervously. I can't stand the smell of cigarettes. A UAPD car slowly drove past with a bullhorn warning people to get inside. Occasionally, he would blip his sirens to make sure he had our attention. Another chill ran down my spine.

"Mum, hey, I'm safe."

"Where are you, sis? Are you inside?"

"Yeah, I'm safe. I'm at the library. I need this to pass so I can take my exam. I don't want to miss my beach trip if I have to take it Friday."

I chatted with Mum for a minute to calm her worry and headed back in. I stood in the front of the crowd and looked up at the TV in the cafe. We all watched chaotically moving about.

My phone kept buzzing the entire time. I sat down against the wall and plugged my phone up again. My dad called to check on me. This raised a little worry in me because he usually calls after a storm, never before one hits.

At 4:45 pm, the warnings were extended. Double piss. I got what seemed like my 100th message of the last half hour. I looked down and again it was Candice. "You're not outside are you? This thing is huge!"

Huh? "No. I'm inside. I'm in Gorgas." The next series of texts came in so quickly, I couldn't respond fast enough. Mum, Candice, Mum, Candice, Mum, Candice, Sonya - Sonya! She was safe, thank God! I was so relieved to hear from my family in Cullman. I stood up to tell my friends. I turned around to see the television, my phone vibrating non-stop in my hands. A massive tornado was headed to Tuscaloosa.

"Steph, I'm scared for you!"

"Put a book over your head!"

"Where are you?"
"Are you there?"

"DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!"

During all of this chaos, I had been trying to contact A. He had to drive to work that afternoon. I was more worried about him driving in this weather than me being in this weather. I begged him to turn on the ustream feed. To my relief, work had given him the night off. He wouldn't have to drive to Montgomery. After I had seen this storm on the television, I was more worried for him than campus. To me, where I was was invincible.

"Go downstairs and tell Jessie to let you in!" I told him.

He answered, "I'm fine. It's not dark here, babe!"

"I know but it wasn't dark here either! There is a huge tornado in Tuscaloosa headed straight for you!! Get in the bathroom or something!!"

Time continued to slow to a halt.

The sirens went off again. Inside the library, everyone stared at each other a second. It was quiet and all you could hear was James Spann.

"If you know anyone at the University of Alabama, call them immediately and tell them to get to a safe place! This is a huge storm, headed towards the campus." Spann proceeded to name buildings on campus. Mentally, I pleaded with him to stop before he called out Gorgas. "...Gorgas Library..."

Bloody hell, thanks Spann! Immediately my phone, my mum, my sister:

"Are you in the lowest level?"

"Are you inside?"

"Where are you?"

"Sis, get against a wall!"

"It's so big! I'm watching this on the television! He said it's headed straight for you!"

I sent my sister a message, "I wonder if I'll have a car after this."

She responded, "I don't care about your car. I care about your safety right now!"

At a little after 5:00 pm, The power went out. It flickered back on while the cable failed to come back on.

I was so busy trying to respond to the messages that I almost missed the faculty ushering us to the lower level of Gorgas library and it's stairwells. I looked at C. He wasn't saying anything. I looked at T. She was following the flow. I picked up my bag and followed suit. I was hoping T wouldn't be to scared of the storm. I felt like I had lied to her when I told her she had nothing to worry about.

We lined up and filed ourselves down the flight of stairs to the damp basement of the library. It is filled with shelves and shelves of metal bookcases and desks. Mum would hate to know this is my safe place. I grabbed T and C and had them follow me to a spot along the wall of the stairwell, by a plug and around the least amount of metal. I should never in my life have to think about whether or not I'm in the safest place possible. I plugged my phone back up. I was still getting text messages. Candice was panicked when I didn't respond fast enough. Mum was worried I wasn't safe enough. Why did they have to see this on the television?

I looked at C and T and realized neither of them had been in a storm that made us go to this extreme before. I explained to them this was no big deal and what I'd grown up having to do. I tried to rest their worries with stories of gradeschool and having to sit in the hallways for hours waiting out storms. Of course, these were the days before modern technology told us there was a tornado outside of our window. Shortly after we were settled, a faculty member peaked his head out of the stairwell entrance so all of us could here. Students were lined all along the walls, sitting on the metal desks, propped up against the bookshelves, and camping out next to each other in the stairwell.

"OK, if the power goes out, we need you guys to just relax, stay quiet, and stay put. We'll come guide you out with a flashlight. If are to take a direct hit, we need all of you to stay away from the bookshelves and get as close to the wall and stairwell as you can. Find something to cover your head with, too." I couldn't see this person from where I was, but I was glad it was a calm voice giving directions. About 100 of us were in the lower level and I was more worried about panicked students trampling me than a tornado. Unfortunately, his voice wasn't calm enough.

I was still getting text messages. The power went out again and stayed that way.

"Candice, I'm being told what to do, hang on."

"Steph, I'm so scared for you!"

Mum, "Where are you?"

Me, "A! Are you watching? I can't tell you where it is anymore!"

Me, "Candice, here's A's number, tell him to stop watching Friday Night Lights and get safe! I have to start saving battery. I'll text you in a bit!"

Me, "Mum, I have to save my battery."

Mum, "I love you, Sis."

When I got that last text from my mother, I knew this was serious.

At approximately 5:13 pm, The lights went out again and the building shook lightly. Not a bad vibration. It felt like a loud thunder was shaking the earth. And it last longer than thunder should.

Then it was over.

After a few minutes, the calm voice spoke from the stairwell again, "OK, guys, it's passed us we think. We need you guys to stay here for at least ten minutes and then another one is coming. You can stay here for now or go home or seek shelter elsewhere."

My phone started buzzing...again. I was irritated with the phone and I wanted to turn it off.

"Where are you!" My sister was frantic in text.

All of this time happened simultaneously and chaotically. The only clear worry I remember is my car.

"I'm safe. No power. I need to conserve battery so spread the word for me. I don't know if I have a car."

Mum sent me another message. "I'll give your phone a rest now."

"OK, I'm safe. They are keeping us at the library for now. I'll text you when I find a source to charge my phone. Has anyone gotten in touch with A? I gave Candice his number. Please make sure he's safe!"

Before I knew it, I could go upstairs and I really had to use the bathroom! I used the flashlight on my phone to make my way up and walked into a sea of more students on the first floor that had waited out the storm. Many people were on the phone. The impact of the tornado hadn't hit me yet.

My phone buzzed again. It was my aunt. She rarely texts me much less calls. This time she was calling. "Are you safe?"

"Yeah, I'm at the library. I don't know if I have a car, though."

"I can't get Jake." Jake is my cousin who moved here a year and a half ago. He lives near campus and was supposed to be at home when it hit.

"I've been doing a lot of texting. I hear people can't make phonecalls. In fact, I don't know how you got me-" I had tried to call my dad and let him know I was safe but the calls wouldn't go through. I chatted with my aunt a second and asked her to call my dad and grandparents for me and let them know I was safe. To be perfectly honest, this conversation is so foggy. As I was on the phone with her, I had walked outside and around the building to the quad. Trees were everywhere.

When I hung up the phone and walked back in, my phone was already low on juice. I don't even know what time it was anymore. Some of my friends were leaving the library. T had my backpack and I was perplexed at what was going on.

"They're closing the library."

"What?"

"Yeah, we're headed to Ridgecrest!" My sister had sent me more messages about more weather coming through and how we needed to stay put. I was confused.

"Well, we have about an hour until the next line comes through. Can we walk to my car and see if it's still there?" C, T, and I hiked across campus to my car to find out how it was. No busses were running. The wind was eerie and the air was still. Without seeing any devastation, I knew I was in a disaster zone.

While we were still in the library, I had gotten word of all the buildings that had been hit, the massive devastation. All the three of us could think of to do was get to another place of shelter. We loaded T's car and got to the dorms. Then it dawned on me, do I have an apartment??

Immediately I started to field the facebook, using more juice on my phone. We hiked up four flights of stairs and while I watched pictures of devastation pop up on my feed. Twitter was the same. Photos of crumpled buildings were popping up everywhere.

Somehow, UA still had Internet access. T, C, one of C's roommates, and I each took our turns charging our phones on laptop and updating our Facebook and Twitter statuses to let friends and family know where we were and that we were safe. We collectively let out a sigh of relief when we learned that another storm was not headed our way. I was thinking of staying the night at the dorm. My phone was so low I didn't know how I'd get up for work the next day, I didn't know how to contact A and let him know. The laptops would run out of juice soon.

D, C's roommate, started getting videos of the devastation. Then I started to recognize the crumpled buildings I'd already seen in the photos.

Speechless I watched the video as the camera panned the scene. On 15th St, the paneling of McDonald's in the middle of the road, a car was flipped over, power cords were strewn about. Hokaido was leveled, Smoothie King gone. We were hearing that Hobby Lobby, Milo's, Krispy Kreme, Chuck E. Cheese were all gone. Then our friends started posting and texting. Their houses were gone, their dogs were missing, their friends were missing, their lives were in shambles.

As I look back on that afternoon, I realize now that even that night I had no clue how far reaching the devastation was. I had no concept of how close this storm came to wrecking my life.

I finally got one word back from my roommates that they were safe and were leaving the apartment. But I still didn't know if I had one. As dusk began to fall over the city, five of us piled up in C's car to get my to mine. We headed down the road to see if I had an apt. All I could see was it's shadow and that was good enough. I turned my little car around and headed across the bridge.

I was completely stunned and thoughtless. My phone was dead. The complete silence was welcome. I got to A's apartment and he was waiting for me with open arms. I didn't even know then that I needed to cry. I fixed a glass of wine and plugged up my phone. We sat in silence together in front of the television for, what felt like to me, an eternity.

What just happened? The videos of the storm started to pop up. The monster in action. I was the YouTube clips and wanted to throw up. This storm was so close to taking my job, my school, my home, my life. Why didn't it? We went to bed and I had dreams of being chased by tornadoes. I woke up and started into work for my 6 am start time as usual. The sun was just starting to rise over the city. I had no idea what to expect.

I called Mum on the way in to touch base. I told her how I'd spent my night and that I didn't know if I had an apartment yet. That was notched on my "to-do" list for the day. Get stuff for the beach. "Mum, I hear it's bad. I've seen some video. We got leveled!"

"I'm so glad you're OK."

While I was on the phone with her, I got closer to work and began to see for myself some of the devastation. Cars were crushed and upside down on the highway. Towers were crumpled on hillsides. Buildings had been reduced to pillars. Then I realized, I was at my exit, but I couldn't recognize it.

"Oh my God, Mum! It's all gone!!"

"What, Sis?"

"This city! It's all gone!!" I sat on my phone in the parking lot of the radio station for a minute and we weeped together. It was the closest I was going to be able to get to her for four more days.

When we hung up, I dried my eyes and walked into the Round Building. We call it that not because it's titled that, but, well... it's round and wooden and old and faithful. I walked in the door and started an experience that has changed me and my perception of what happened in Tuscaloosa.

When I started work on April 28, 2011, I had no idea that what I was about to be apart of was going to be the best experience of my life.

....tbc

165 days

2011-03-21T08:07:00.002-05:00

Today is the start of spring practice for the Bama boys.

I would like to take a moment to thank safety Mark Barron for taking the spotlight off the start practice and putting it on his weekend arrest because he thought defending his cousin's hit and run accident in Mobile was a smart thing to do. Family blood is not stronger when you have a full scholarship starting your future.

Really looking forward to A-day this year! I hope I get the nephews so I show them what Aunt Stephie loves so much!

Roll Tide!

I'm not percolating

2011-03-21T07:57:00.004-05:00

As you may already know, I'm Methodist and it's Lent. This means I had to give up something. Something that's a sacrifice. None of this giving up Lent for Lent stuff! So I gave up....coffee! *Dum-Dum-DUMMMMMMMM!!!!*

I know... shocker.... Mum said, "You really went with the sacrifice this year!"

Just to be clear, I gave up coffee, not caffiene, or else I would be leading the assualt for the UN in Libya right now and probably be dead. Today is marking the start of the second full week and two things were not what I expected them to be:
1. I didn't take into account that daylight saving time began the first Sunday after Lent. Fail.
2. I thought hot tea would be supplement enough. Not really.

I drive past a Starbucks now and drool like a rabid dog.

In other news, so far I have saved approximately $130.... #winning

Winter Wonderhell

2011-02-10T10:13:00.003-06:00

I live in the south and have for all of my life. I never thought I'd say this.

I'm sick of the snow.

We have had, I'm not sure, three or four "storms" this year? In all honesty, today is the first time I've seen more than half an inch on the ground and have seen the state of Alabama still function fully! Schools are either in session or delayed, banks are opened, grocery stores weren't packed. Are the residents of Alabama finally getting the idea that roads can be driven on when snow is on the ground? Or is this just a fluke incident?

I was so excited for snow on Christmas. It was my first white Christmas in my life. I'd never seen one before then. I got to spend it with A and my families and all was right in the world.

Then the next "storm" came and I got stuck inside for three days... cabin fever.

Then the next "storm" came through, unexpectedly, after I'd been awake for approximately 72 hours, given a thirty minute and a three hour nap in between, studying for an anatomy exam hence the reason I've not been writing. Sad face. When the weather started to move onto campus, then campus officials thought it was prudent to close down for the day, at 3:30, when I'd just sat down to take the exam. Needless to say, my sleeplessness was in vain and the test was rescheduled on what was, fortunately, a much prettier, sunnier day.

Today is different. There are snowmen on rooftops, sled marks in the grass, people walking around outside without fifteen layers of clothing. I think people around here are actually getting it: snow isn't that bad.

And I mean that in the strangest sense. While I'm irritated with the educational delays this wintry weather has caused me and the oncoming stress that I will endure to catch up - driving back from work today, I do believe the snow on the naked trees and grass was maybe one of the most beautiful sites I've ever seen in my life.

My New Thing

2010-12-22T06:02:00.002-06:00

I've taking up knitting.

I'm an old woman who deserves to live with a lot of cats. I did get excited about A getting a new kitten, too... and I even thought of a name... My heart is changing.

Seriously! I'm loving this knitting! I just learned last week. So far I've made gloves, a scarf, I started a headband! I have a whole list of projects I'd love to complete! It's been a great filler for my Christmas break!

Well, that running. Which I've been very, very bad about. I have not been as motivated for this Mercedes as I was the last one. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! I'm very behind on training.

So now, if I can get creative enough, I might just start an Etsy store...

babababababa

2010-12-05T10:45:00.003-06:00

I have the worst case of ADD today. Bad, bad timing! Last week was dead week, this week is finals. I feel like I'm so close to the end of a marathon and don't have enough strength to make it to the end!

It's so cold outside today. My original plan was to move into the library yesterday, today, and tomorrow. However, I'm so cozy in my holy pajama pants and my hot tea, I think I'll stay home with my books. I'm only leaving the house for Sitar Sunday. :) Today, I'm full of statistics, maybe I'll look at some Anthropology, and probably some Microbiology. The latter is by far my favorite class this semester.

This semester was pretty stressful. I had what should have been an interesting and easy class turned into a nightmare. I think I'm always going to have the one class in a semester that is a bigger headache than it should be. That will always leave me with zero free time and extra stress.

Dear A,

Thank you for your patience this semester, especially the last few weeks when I've wanted to blow away the crazyanthrowoman.

I love you

Now back to going, going, going, going, going, Sitar, going, going, going, going...

PS. Los Torascos has been replaced as my favorite restaurant. Shocker!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T06:53:00.002-06:00

Today I start eating... damn, I've done so good! LoL

Seriously, it's been so incredibly insane in my world lately that time with family and in my hometown is a welcome idea! I can't wait! I leave immediately after work to get my two youngest nephews to spoil with my affection and then I'm headed to spend some time with the grandparents. It's going to be a great Thanksgiving this year. Really wish I could spend more of it with A but we have so much family between the two of us! I think this is the first Thanksgiving that I'll see both sides of my family on the same day.... well since my parents divorced!

I've have a lot to be thankful for this year! I hope you have a great one as well!

This small break, while, only a short time, is so healthy for me! Everything has been go, go, go, go the last several weeks, and now with finals and dead week just next week, this is a great chance to catch my breath! I'm gradually getting a little bit more free time as I go so if you know of anyone looking for a photographer for Christmas cards or anything, send them my way!

Friday is my first EVER Alabama Auburn game... Dear God, please don't let me leave in tears! Roll Tide!

Not enough hours in the day

2010-11-02T10:15:00.003-05:00

What the hell is Microsoft Access?? I have no clue!

I'm working on these modules for my CS class and laughing so hard I hurt at the lucky guesses I'm making. The power was out at my apartment complex for... oh all night, and so I'm waayyyy behind on getting things done! I have a research project to do, a CS test on Access (that I haven't got a clue what it's point is for...I mean, Excel's not complicated enough?? Or good enough for that matter??), a coffee date Yay! Coffee!!, and A's parents are coming to town. Not to mention I have to be in bed early so I can get up at 4 am OR find somewhere in this madness to get a nap.

Dear God, please let it stop raining when it's time for me to peddle my happy self home. That's a long ride in the rain...

In other news, I'm running, but I'm gimp. I will not let an injury stop me from running another Mercedes!

Where's my heart rate?

2010-10-29T06:41:00.003-05:00

Fall Break.

W00t!

How it's spent? Last night, had a party to shoot. Started off pretty easy, then turned challenging when it moved indoors and it was dark and I couldn't see to manually focus the lens. The camera couldn't see to automatically focus, either. I had a lot of hit and misses. Now I know where I need to work on my skills. Today, I have another shoot, hence the Senior portrait rant earlier. Then it's back to work to record weekend programming and remotes. Then it's me, myself, and movies! Maybe a book. Or maybe I'll be responsible and see what schoolwork I can catch up on.

I'm kind of glad to have a little time to myself. It's been really hectic lately. The marathon of tests I had the last two weeks, work, shoots, birthday parties, games, school, and the list goes on and on and on... pant pant pant It's insane! Fortunately, all the hard work and effort is paying off. Aced my Stats test, 96 on Micro, 89 on CS, and 85 on Anthro. I survived!

And the Sitar was good!

Tomorrow, we're celebrating my nephew's 2nd birthday! He's such a big man! Scratch free time activities, I have to make A's and my Halloween costumes for party...

Blink Blink Blink

2010-10-29T06:23:00.002-05:00

Holy Crap!

These are Senior Portraits.

I'm flabbergasted. When did parents OK such suggestive Senior portraits of their daughters?

I'm just doing a little bit of homework before my shoot this morning and I stumbled upon these. Fortunately for me, my subject is a guy and his mom is coming.

These are fantastic photos, my grievance is that these are Senior portraits! What happened to having your pom pom and a feauxground and a ladder?! If they were working on a modeling contract, I'd say something different; like I said, the photography itself it great. It's the premises that just blows my mind...

The Day the Energizer Bunny Died

2010-10-22T07:13:00.003-05:00

I'm exhausted. I'm running on a collective 8 hours of sleep since 4 am Wednesday morning. These tests are starting to get to me a bit. I will not cry. I want Sitar, DrSxDP.

I feel like the little engine that's running out of steam and still could.

I know I'm losing it when I actually BUY an app from the app store. It's been so long since I've done that, iTunes doesn't even have the correct billing information for me!

So, Anthro test today. I'm going over the study guide, again, and looking up things that aren't in my notes, or in the text, or in the massive amount of articles she wants us to read, or any other supplemental information she threw at us. That's only majority of the study guide.

FML.

I finally fixed him Shepard's Pie

2010-10-20T07:40:00.003-05:00

I can bitch about stress all I want to but I have to remember one thing: I'm very blessed. I have a lot of supportive people in my life, a lot of people who love me and want to see me do well.

More importantly, I'm happy.

I have the most amazing person with me who makes me smile. Every time I feel stressed, I can just be around him and forget about it. It is so nice to have someone who loves me just as me. Not for what I can do for him. He doesn't want me to do anything for him. He doesn't want me to be anybody else. He doesn't talk down to me, he is always so positive and loving, he's supportive, and believes in me. He is respectful and not demanding. He listens and communicates instead of shuts down during even the simplest of conversations.

I have found the perfect man! SCORE!!

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I don't talk much about my previous marriage, and honestly, I don't want to. I was one of the more fortunate women. I just want any woman (or man) in any abusive relationship to know that you're better than that, and if you have kids, they're better than that! There's help! I know that it's not as simple as packing a bag to leave, but there is freedom from an abusive relationship!

Get Help: http://dvam.vawnet.org/

Show support: http://twibbon.com/cause/Speak-Out-Domestic-Violence/

I'm so thankful to God that I have A now. He's shown me that is still good in people, and I love his huge heart. I hope he knows just how much he's helped me heal.

Chew!!! Chew!!!

2010-10-20T07:13:00.004-05:00

Somebody once told me to remember how to eat an elephant.

I'm so thankful that when I'm overwhelmed that I have that tip. This is one of those weeks. It's been hard to keep blinders on and do one thing at a time because so much is going on and it's gotten so easy to fall behind. When I look ahead, I see more things coming that will make me more overwhelmed than I already am. I just want a breather.

I'm determined to run another Mercedes. I'm working mornings and afternoons in radio. I have classes in between. Somewhere I have to study and sleep... and there is that eating thing, it's kind of important. This is one of the harder weeks I've had since my life went from a easy pace of 35 miles per hour to 135. I have back to back tests this week. Not just tests, major exams. Microbiology, CS (which is painfully easy, thank God!), and my nemesis, Anthropology.

Anthropology is the thorn in my side! It's ridiculous! Thanks to @thegeekwife who verified that it is overly complicated for an entry level course! Knowing that I'm not the only one wanted to scream at this crazy professor makes me feel more sane. This woman draws hearts on her question marks and dots her "i's" with hearts! HEARTS!!

Who does that??????? She's a college professor!! In this evil class that should be much more enjoyable and interesting, she loves to lecture and use every piece of technology in the room. She invents a lecture segment or project for each knew gadget she finds. She's never heard the term "keep it simple". Obviously. And she's prissy. I understand this is a week argument as to why she shouldn't be teaching Anthropology, but it's just annoying. It's like I'm taking a class from Elle Woods! Not to mention, this is her first year at UA. Before, she was at Indiana. For a year. As an assistant. Just an assistant. Before that? (Insert heart at bottom of question mark) She was a teacher for Kaplan, the online college... that offers easy degrees. Apparently, her only claim to fame is the time she spent in Malaysia studying nutrition.

I expect two things from her experience:

To be able to keep an introduction to cultural Anthropology simple and to an introduction by staying away from the arguments and debates of all the theories involved in Anthropology. In an introduction, 100 level class, there is no need to be able to apply, debate, and infer a truth to any debate to Anthropology. However, if I was a graduate Anthropology student, yep, I'd see the need.
To be able to answer questions posed in lectures and by students with out any ambiguity and to not put debatable questions on any exams.

Why do I have to spend so much time punishing myself with this course when, for me, it doesn't matter? This should be treated as a 100-level class. Ask me what theory means what, not which theory is more provable right after you tell me theories can only be disproved. Don't tell me the humans species are not dimorphic right after you tell me they are, then ask me an exam question wanting me to define humans as either dimorphic or not.

I digress. I just need to take my argument to the dean.

I was just going to write about how much is on my plate. Obviously, Anthropology is my elephant and the other items are just a la cart...

Last Birthday Gift Idea #9a & b

2010-10-01T09:03:00.002-05:00

a.) I would like a nice digital camera. Just a simple point-and-shoot camera. I don't have one. All of my cameras are big DSLRs and aren't really handy to carry around to games, the quad, or outings with friends. I use my iPhone for a lot of picture taking now, however, it's not functional when I'm at a game, as my battery dies. I really think there is a machine that sucks the life out of my battery in the stadium. So, I'd really enjoy a little digital camera.

b.) I've always wanted one of these: A polaroid camera. I love them! If you know me at all, I love photography, period, and for my next fun photography project, I'd like to start a collection of polaroids. There is nothing more charming to me in photography than authentic, real photos. Polaroids capture that to me. I want one, so bad!

Who's Blonde?

2010-09-20T17:07:00.003-05:00

So I decided to change my hair color! It was random. I've always wanted to see what I would look like as a brunette and got a wild hair up my ass and decided to try it.

So last week I bought a bottle of hair color. However, I should've consulted someone who's colored hair before consider I've never colored my own hair. What's helpful to know is that when one has a lot of hair (like I do) sometimes, one bottle of Garnier is not enough! Sometimes when you have thick, long locks (like I do), you require TWO bottles to get the job done.

And as brilliant as I am, I decided to get this wild hair at 10 o'clock at night.

So when my roommates come in to see what I'm doing, one mentions, "Is that enough hair color??"

"Uhhh...."

"Stephanie, you need more hair color..."

My hair was only half way saturated when the bottle emptied. So while one roommate and I were stretching the color as far as it would go, the other two roommates were trying to find a place in town that was still open and had my hair color...

There wasn't a place open that also had my hair color. Big fat zero in that part of the Venn Diagram. So while Auburn was making their undeserving comeback in overtime against Clemson (oh so close!), I was rinsing hair color out of my hair for the second time this week. And that is why I love my friend, T, because she helped me put $20 worth of hair color in my hair to make it much darker than before, and I think A is happy with it, too. Yay, for happy endings!

Last Birthday Gift Idea #8

2010-09-20T16:55:00.002-05:00

I need new running shoes. I prefer these. I plan on running mercedes again and I haven't bought new running shoes since I ran that half-marathon. It's very difficult to balance school and training and staying motivated. I'm looking for a running partner to help keep me motivated and accountable if anyone's interested. As for the shoes, maybe just a gift card since I'm not sure what size to get.

How I got ready for the game

2010-09-16T08:27:00.003-05:00

I think I've found a new hidden skill. I decided to get creative with my nails for the Bama/Penn St. game last week and here's how it turned out...

I think I'm going to start charging $15 a set! Ha! I think for me to have done them myself, they turned out pretty damn good!!

Steph's Last Birthday Gift #7

2010-09-15T13:29:00.000-05:00

Skullcandy earbuds.

My headphones just crapped out. :(

I told you I'd been listening to a lot of podcasts!

**updated** a mic would be nice!! Wanna keep both hands on the bike you know! ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fridays my brain is fried

2010-09-10T10:27:00.004-05:00

I've found a bit of free time to kind of catch up on the going ons...

Those would be...

Oh yeah... school's back in session so my days go a little something like this: Wake up, brush teeth, bike to school, go to class, bike home, go to work, go to study, and sleep somewhere in there. I did, however, for the first time this semester, turn on my TV last night and actually watch it! I Auburn beat Mississippi State, which, if you're a friend of mine, you already knew that so I didn't really keep you abreast of anything new.

Meanwhile, I baked brownies and shamelessly painted my nails houndstooth, which I'm quite proud of! See, not much going on in my life right now, it's quite boring.

I will say that I have become addicted to podcasts! Thanks, DrSxDP! I have found one in particular that I absolutely love; it's called Edinburgn Man and it's all Indie music, which I've become exceptionally fond of. It's not one of those hour long podcasts and he actually plays you the whole song (unlike other music podcasts I've found) and he's pretty interesting to listen to. Love the accent. It's a great download if you are looking for some fresh music. Meanwhile, the Engadget podcast... not so good. Don't get that one.

Looking forward to tomorrow! I will be at the game! I told my grandmother I will be holding up a sign for that reads, "I'm right here, Meme!" Roll Tide!

Correction

2010-09-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

Jimmy Wales lecture at UA last night will be posted at libertyandpowerlectures.org within the next two weeks.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Something I don't do often

2010-09-09T11:07:00.001-05:00

I went to hear Jimmy Wales speak last night. It was awesome! If you don't know, Jimmy Wales is the founder of Wikipedia. He is also an undergrad alum of Auburn University and got his master's in business from Alabama. Roll Tide! He's originally from Huntsville, AL. It's really amazing to know that this one guy from Alabama has been so influential on the Internet!

I'm not sure it's up yet but it will be soon at freedomandpowerlecture.org (I think, if not, I'll correct it).

It was a great speech on Wikipedia and it's effects on not just the Internet but how other cultures receive the Internet! And he's funny! Good stuff!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #6

2010-09-02T09:58:00.000-05:00

I like practicality in gifts; stuff I'll use or need. In this case, light reflectors for my bike, or something to make me more visible at night should I be riding late for some reason. I hate admitting that I've almost been hit by three cars just this week. (pay attention drivers!)

A little bell to ring would be fun, too...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #5

2010-08-28T10:10:00.001-05:00

Uh These Shoes

I wear an 8.5. Those look so comfortable AND they're Houndstooth!

Wins all around!

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #4

2010-08-28T09:52:00.002-05:00

I believe it's time for a new hairdryer. Mine's a smoker. I don't like that habit. I have to be picky here. I have curly hair and want a detachable diffuser. I like the ease of not doing anything to my hair while I'm getting ready. Especially with my schedule!

Steph's Last Birthday Party Gift Idea #3

2010-08-27T16:20:00.001-05:00

A plastic, dishwasher safe water bottle and Brita filter. I like my water!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I want the one with the bigger GBs

2010-08-26T14:15:00.001-05:00

iPhone 4.

If you've upgraded your 3G, you'll understand.

Wish list

2010-08-25T09:54:00.001-05:00

I rarely ask for things for my birthday. I don't like ski g for things. But seeing a this is the last birthday I'm celebrating, I'm starting a list of gift ideas. I figure, make this my most selfish birthday ever since I won't be celebrating after this October.

So here it goes; and come back regularly for more gift ideas as I think of them.

Steph's last birthday gift idea #1:
Nike tempo shorts, XL. Those are the most comfortable shorts created by mankind and I only have two pair. I love all colors and all pair with Alabama logos on them, or houndstooth if you can find that! Adidas makes a pair, too, and I'm open to trying their tempo shorts as well!

I also like the gym pants that come to your knees. Those are even more comfortable in my spin class. I will be picky. I like the tight kind, preferably black or gray. I don't like untangling lose garments from my bike on the road or in spin.

I hate shopping for clothes. It is number one on the "Top Ten Ways to Torture Me" list (I'm not posting that one as to avoid giving you any ideas). This means that when I say I want an article of clothing, I really want it!

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365 days later

2010-08-18T10:15:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe that a year has gone by.

It's flown!

This time last year, I was a nervous wreck, learning where all these new places were, meeting new people in a new world that I hadn't yet explored. I was getting dumped with tons of things to do and make happen. I was given goals and challenges for the first time in years! I was so scared I was in over my head.

Now it's starting all over again but this time I'm not afraid of being in over my head. I'm more balanced and I've learned new things. Can you say sopanification! I have new friends, my friends, I have achieved some of the goals I didn't think were possible. All in all, after the last several years of my life, going back to school has probably been the most self-rewarding thing I could have ever done for myself.

I'm not so much talking about the fun things that you can do in college rather than the self-gratification and self-esteem it gives me to know that I'm doing this. That I've overcome a lot to be able to tell myself that I CAN do this. So despite the mad amounts of partying that I now rarely get to do and the loads of memories I'm making, I'm learning something much more than just how to be a nurse.

The Gift

2010-08-16T20:46:00.002-05:00

Me: Hey, Mum, guess what!

Mum: Hey, Stepper, what's up?

Me: I just saved a ton of money on my textbooks!

Mum: Really? How'd you do that?

Me: I didn't buy them from the University and rented two. I was supposed to pay nearly $600, saved over $300. I only spent $240 on the books I need this semester! I'm so excited!

Mum: That's great! Way to go! Guess what!

Me: Uhh.. what?

Mum: G got you something.

Me thinking: My stepdad bought me something?

Me: G bought me something?

Mum: Yeah! A taser!

Me: A taser? I'm confused.

Mum: Yeah! He got me one and thought it would be a good idea to get you one, too. Said he was worried about you walking around town by yourself!

Me: Mum, I don't know how to use a taser.

Mum: It's easy. Just point and touch. Skin, preferably.

Me: Uhhh.... Thanks! I can't wait to not have to use it! I can't wait to play with it!

So I pissed someone off

2010-08-14T23:56:00.001-05:00

And I don't give a shit.

Why don't I give a shit? Because they aren't adult enough to tell me what I did. Usually when I have an issue, I take kindly to discussing like am adult, considering I am one, and I prefer to be surrounded by others who do. Therefore, I see the fact that the person who blocked me can't allow me the opportunity to know how I may offended them as less drama.

I'm too old for this shit and prefer A not be the middle man for when people have a problem with me. He doesn't need that drama, either. So especially of your beef is with me, leave him out of it and allow me to know what's up. If you still hate me afterwards then that's fair; I'll own up to my mistakes and ask forgiveness where I'm wrong or allow you your difference of opinion. Just leave A out of petty drama.

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Bama's Pluck and Grit has writ her name in Crimson Flame

2010-08-14T09:43:00.003-05:00

21 days until Alabama football kicks off at Bryant Denny Stadium against San Jose State.

In case you haven't heard, I'm exceptionally excited about the 2010 Alabama football season.

www.rolltide.com for the new pre-game TRADITIONs video. If that doesn't get you pumped for the Crimson Tide then I might pretend I never knew you. OK, that last parts a stretch, but still, really?? Really? Not as excited as I am? You need to go to a game!

I am finding it mandatory to watch Alabama play Penn St. on September 11. I will watch Alabama make all of the Florida Gators cry.

And I will go to my very first Iron Bowl. I get goose bumps thinking about that one...

I love Alabama football!

Sob Story

2010-08-09T22:19:00.003-05:00

I've just finished reading PS, I love you. I needed a whole box of Kleenex to finish that book. I've never had to put down a book because I was crying too much to continue reading it. What's wrong with me? I don't normally do that...

Then to make me cry more, a friend of mine posts a video of soldiers reuniting with their families. Like that wouldn't make me cry...

I think I have a permanent lump in my throat.

I do want to see PS, I love you now. I've finished the book, how different or how good is the movie? I hear good things about it. I'm on a roll, maybe I can find it online tonight... I've got a roll of toilet paper handy since I've been crying for the last two hours...

I don't know what book to read next. I feel like I might need a breather!

Reliving Quiet Me Time....Sigh

2010-08-08T19:55:00.004-05:00

I've had the most relaxing, quiet afternoon at home. It's been so peaceful!

After what's seemed like days of going and going and going post vacation, I was very excited to take a leisurely afternoon to myself! I've been reading P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern. It's a book I started at the beach and it got so hectic there with family fun that I wasn't able to read more. Once I got home, I had the move, I had work, I've had remotes, not to mention at some point I have to see A for some sanity, I haven't had much time to pick it back up! So this afternoon, following two blistering hot days in the sun watching mother's send off their children to college in U-Hauls and high-heels, I picked up my book again and haven't been able to put it down much!

This book is definitely climbing to one of my favorites of all times. I've never read a book that can make me laugh my arse off and then make me cry like a baby in one paragraph. I've never seen the movie; I've already put it on the top of my Netflix queue so when I finally mail that wretched movie I rented last time (The Goods, not good, very bad, so bad, I've considered it my civic duty to NOT mail it back!) I will get the movie in and laugh and cry like a baby all over again.

The rest of the roommates move in next Wednesday. I'm kind of nervous and I'm really not looking forward to it. Being in college again and wanting to be successful is exceptionally difficult when you have ten years on everyone. I'm praying that I get some A++, pencil-pushing, "partying is of the Devil" girls in here!!

The likelihood of that actually happening for me....not high

Letter of Disguist

2010-08-06T20:32:00.002-05:00

I have to add to my little list of things that keep happening during my move. They keep calling me asking for keys I've already turned in.

Dear Apartment Manager,

This letter is in regards to the horrendous moving experience I have had at your complex. I was one of the few people who chose to stay in your shithole due to location and proximity to campus. I enjoy being able to peddle to class and save on parking. That benefit and your low rate (which I now know why is so low) are the only reasons I have for staying in your poorly run housing.

I will never participate in one of your transfers again. I will only sleep under the roof I pay you for. I have had the absolute WORST moving experience of my life and in reality, this wasn't even really a move!

I strongly suggest you make changes to your Chinese fire drill style of transferring occupants.

I have turned in my keys, I put them in an envelope, wrote down the apartment number, signed your little yellow form, and handed both to you, in your hands, in your office, after you tried to calm me down for the 5th time during this transfer.

I hope you're fired.

Sincerely,

Steph

Why I'll pay the movers extra next time

2010-08-04T22:44:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty pooped but I have every right to be!

I have unpacked my room, straightened my room, freshened my room, and I am organized in my new room. I have cooked dinner, I have fed new roommate (the only one so far), grocery shopped (we split the bill, this will be awesome!), washed and dried a load of clothes, and I have even cleaned out all of my notebooks for the upcoming school semester.

I can rightfully say that I'm exhausted! All that is left for me to do is tear down my old plastic shelving unit (because I consolidated so well, I don't need it anymore! W00t!), hang my curtains, and find a home for my vacuum cleaner. I may have to reorganize the closet a bit.

I have so much more space in my new room. I might actually consider studying at home more now. Well... the rest of the new roommates move in the middle of this month. I wonder if they will have as much stress as I did getting moved in?

Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, I'd say.

My patio furniture was stolen WTF?? Really??
My room wasn't ready for me to move in on the last day of "move-in" day.
My room wasn't ready for me to move in until 2/3 pm on move-in...
I was assigned the wrong room. They put me in the wrong room. Not the room I requested but the room they wanted me to have. No. No. No. No. It was basically my old room. It wasn't going to fly.
They gave me the wrong keys. so after I got all of the above situated (with the exception of my patio furniture because I've yet to find it on some one's porch yet), I come home from work in 115 degree Alabama heat and can't get in. Not to mention, today corporate was in town, so I had to dress a little nicer for work. It was so awesome, I can't wait to do it again...

The lesson I have learned from this? No matter what happens, I'm not moving until I'm done with nursing school. If my new roommates are bitches, they'll move first. I've also learned to not leave anything on the porch, even if it is a rather large patio furniture set that is not inconspicuous at all to steal...

I'm so glad I can finally get comfortable... Now to try this new sleep aid and hopefully have sweet dreams tonight! I tried melatonin the last two nights and have not slept well. I'm overdue!

The Last Written Word of Sand

2010-08-04T22:40:00.001-05:00

7/29/2010

I have decided to give up trying to blog on my iPhone. I love the mobility… when I actually have a decent signal.

My grandmother is trying to make me feel better about my 30 birthday next year. Age really is just a number in this family. They're 82 and don't act a bit of it! It still doesn't' make me feel any better about my age. She then tells me age doesn't mean anything but Obama is going to shoot all the old people with his healthcare plan. She means that facetiously of course.

This vacation has been so wonderful. I think I've done my vacationing properly, too. I can't seem to remember what day of the week it is. Unfortunately, it's Thursday. That means I have three full days left here and that is just not enough time for me! I want to stay here another week. Not that I don't miss my friends or the rest of my family. I just feel so relaxed here. Nothing to worry about, fuss over, fight to make happen. It's pleasant.

Today's plans: I'm a little pink from yesterday, SPF 50 is mandatory for my shoulders. Boo! I'm not letting a little burn stop me from trying to conquer my fear of ocean life in ankle deep waters. I'm going to make it to the sandbar. I've start a new book, PS I love you, and so far it's not been too bad. It's not Dexter. It's not gore and mystery so it's not really holding my attention just yet. Maybe it'll pick up in chapter 4 because the first three have me sluggishly flipping the pages. I hear it's a very good story, though. I've not seen the movie, either. Pool is definitely on the agenda. My aunt and uncle are on their way down today and my dad is moving into the condo below us. This trip has turned into the biggest family reunion. Siblings, nieces, nephews, in-laws, cousins, second cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents, parents… I should have made T-shirts to sell this week. "The Anybody Related to Steph Reunion"

My dad just came up from trying to get the room below us settled. He rented it a few weeks ago. Apparently, no one's been in the condo all week and they won't let him go ahead and get situated. It seems rather petty but it pisses my dad off because the office has told him that people are in it. Drama drama drama. I hope he doesn't let that bother his trip that much, cause he's going to get in later and he's already at the beach.

Last night, we played guitar on the beach during sunset. A crowd came around us and we all shot the shit, drank a few beers, and sang different songs. It was fun. I haven't had an audience while I played guitar before so it made me a bit nervous. It was still fun. Afterwards, my dad and I were the only ones sitting on the lounges in the sand and we were watching the ocean.

"Dad," I said. "I think this is the first time we've shared a beer on the beach."

"Yup." he answered. "It's nice."

As if you couldn't have cued it better in a movie, fireworks started shooting off on the pier right in front of us. It wasn't amateur fireworks, either. A fireworks company had set up camp at the end of the pier and started a show that lasted twenty minutes. It was like the fourth of July on the 28th. They were huge fireworks. Some in the shapes of stars, some shaped like hearts. Large round explosions of blue and red in the shape of ribbons on a white ball of small lights. Huge golden streams of glitter exploded in succession and silver streams of fire framed the picture. It was so random it made it that much more special.

So after I sat on the beach and played music with my dad, we sat in the sand with a cold beer and watched fireworks. I'll always remember that.

Welcome back to stress

2010-08-04T12:07:00.003-05:00

I had this idea at the beach. I would start using OneNote to write my blogs and then just upload all of them to Blogger when I got back home. I haven't done that yet. Today's my first day back at work and I got really tired of waiting for iPhone to catch up with my typing speed on my Blogger app. Damn new update... I ended up writing ONE entry and I'll post that later.

In the end, the vacation was awesome!

I got home to a disaster, though. My patio furniture was stolen, I moved my stuff from upstairs to downstairs without a place to live since I STILL didn't have a key with hours left before I HAD to be out of the old room... My apartment management is awful! They even put me in the wrong room! So after I got permission to move my stuff, I find out I'm supposed to be in a different room THEY ASSIGNED early, despite my request MONTHS ago for the room I wanted. That office management came scarily close to seeing me lose my temper. Thank God A was there to keep me calm.

The best part about coming back home so far is the welcoming hug I got from A when I got home. I love being held that tight. I missed him.

Now I must get back to work... Corporate day...

This is normal conversation

2010-07-28T06:59:00.000-05:00

Me: "Dad, let me see the roof of your mouth."

Dad: "huh?"

M: Let me see the roof of your mouth!"

D: Do what, sis?

M: Let. Me. See. The roof. Of your. MOUTH.

D opens mouth. I didn't see what I was looking for.

M: Ok. Well where did I get this from?

I opened my mouth to show the rather weird growth on the roof of my mouth. You can see it when I laugh but it's not that noticeable.

D: I don't know, darlin', God must've gave it to ya.

Me: Oh.

D: Well do you like it?

Me: It doesn't bother me. It's just an overgrown palate. It's just different.

D: Well if you like it, I gave it to you. I you don't, your mother did.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Panama City is BP free on the shore

2010-07-27T07:52:00.000-05:00

It is so pretty down here! The water is so blue! The pier that was lost after one of the many hurricanes in 2005 is now back up, too.

I like to come out here early in the morning. Right now we're sitting on the porch and my dad is playing his guitar. It's one of the few quiet alone times we get because he's a Santa and young children ask for autographs everywhere down here.

The sand is clean, the lifeguards are legal and nice to look at (no worries, DrSxDP), and there aren't tar balls swimming in the ocean.

BP's biggest mess up ever is not completely forgotten, though. The US military has a pair patrolling the sands for oil. I thank our military for their service and feel bad for them in full fatigues and hats with only a Gatorade thermos on the back of their camo rhino! I'm sure they are glad the heat is the worse they have to suffer!

Today is sand day. I will have my toes in it... All day!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Vacation starts.......NOW!!

2010-07-26T07:07:00.001-05:00

I am on my way to the beach. We're on the road about 30 minutes later than we wanted. My grandmother's knee isn't cooperating this morning.

It's always fun going on roadtrips with my grandparents. They have been married over 60 years and are so full of life. I hope when I'm 82 I have someone I can be this happy and in love with and still mobile enough to take trips the way they do. MeMe may have a bum knee today but they still have plenty of energy to share with the world!

We just passed the giant sinkhole on 65S. My grandparents hadn't seen anything like that. It was fun trying to explain to them how important dirt is to a highway.

I've had one cup of coffee this morning. I need more! I'm trying to not take my Dramamine... And I'm sitting in the back for now. I don't like being drugged while I drive, though. We're planning on stopping in Montgomery for some breakfast and Sike's and Kohn's then I'll drive from there.

This is the only time I think it would be fun to have 4square... But I still think it would be annoying.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

One Pooped Puppy!!

2010-07-23T21:38:00.003-05:00

I am feeling a little too drained to write. But I want to write.

I thought I wanted a night to myself and now I'm bored. In my defense, it's been super hectic the last two days! Yesterday at work, I got stranded at a gas station for hours while Habeeb, the manager, kept telling me, "You are too small to drive that big van! Too small! Why do they have such small girl drive such big van!?"

Before Habeeb chided me for driving a huge Econoline, I was fighting with FAFSA about the loss of my grant... at this moment, I just realized that I did NOT get to call back today to find the form I need to fix that... GDMFPOSGD!

Then I got home much later than expected and had a pizza, beer, and packing party with future roommate and a co-worker. We got so much done! Thank God! Now all I need is the key to my new room and to move my clothes. It was very helpful having three sets of hands putting things I know I'm not going to need immediately in a box and moving them to the new apartment as I could. We had fun, too, or at least I did.

Now my "to-do" remaining pretty plastic. I knock a few items off, pack room up, go to Birmingham, wash clothes, and I'm only making room for more things to be added. Go to library, pack for beach, finish the weekend warrior list at work, sleep.

I've got so much going on in such a short period of time that burn out syndrome is really kicking in! I'm so ready for this vacation! More mentally than physically... especially after I had to step on that scale today... I'm so ready to have books, sun, and sand!! A whole week of zero responsibility: home, school, or work! -- OK, ONE responsibility that I didn't get to do today that must be done ASAP!

So after packing, working, moving, driving, waiting, pushing, organizing, recording, digging, fixing, bleeding, arguing, and I can't remember everything else because it's all blurring together, I'm sitting down and enjoying a beer.

I just may sleep tonight...

I'm taking Chuck Norris to the beach with me! Take that!

2010-07-22T09:34:00.001-05:00

There is a storm. In the ocean. Headed for MY beach.

This isn't the news I had wanted to wake up to!

I will go to the beach next week anyway! DrSP wants to see me on TV in a mumu saying, "it sounded like a freight train," so I will make sure to pack that and rollers. Weather will not stop me from having a beach vacation.

The second storm all freaking year and it happens NOW? sheesh!

Actually, to be deliriously honest, that tropical depression #3 knows better than to trek it's way to my beach! It knows better than to waste it's energy forming a hurricane and threatening my condo! It knows I'll be there, and it's scared! Watch make haste and run away!!

Yes, I'm aware that's only slightly delusional...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

There's a freckle on my big toe

2010-07-22T02:09:00.000-05:00

The beach is calling my name! I cannot wait to feel the sand, sun rays, and warm waters on my skin! I cannot wait to bask in the daylight with a delicious book and escape into my own little world!

I've worked so hard over the last year, I can feel the onset if burnout. I get so exhausted putting all my energy into everything and having nothing to show for it yet. I think a mental break is well overdue.

At the beach, I will not stress over money.
At the beach, I will not stress about the fall semester.
At the beach, I will try my hardest to not think of the chemical changes my body is undergoing while I sit in the sun and produce melanin and collect a healthy dose of vitamin D.
At the beach, I will not gorge on anything but shrimp, grits, bananas, and tomato sandwiches.
At the beach, I will pretend I am on a deserted island where only one person can contact me.
At the beach, despite my dislike of ocean waters and God forbidding tar balls, I will wade out to the sandbar and tolerate, somehow, the fish that kiss my sunscreen.

At the beach, I will relax.

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Pure Chaos

2010-07-21T18:43:00.003-05:00

Moving from one apartment to the other should never be this hectic!

I absolutely hate moving, with a passion. To make it more miserable, my current apartments have just held a mandatory meeting where they informed me that I need to have my stuff packed and ready to go. It has to look like a moving truck is ready to get me. Then I'll be informed sometime during the first three days of August when I can actually move my stuff. In the meantime, all of my stuff needs to be in the common area. WTF.

So, to clarify, I'm to pack up my belongings, place them in a common area for people to pilfer through when they come to inspect and view my apartment. There will be management, cleaning crews, maintainance crews, and potential residents with free and easy access to my belongings while I'm away.

Of course I have to be difficult. I told management that I will be out of town and gladly leave my belongings on top of my bed, in my room, where they will be locked away. I informed them that I will be back in town on the second day of my move and at the time, I'll start moving my stuff downstairs, and my new place will be ready by at least that day if they expect me to be completely moved out of my old place by midnight of the third day.

In the words of Tim James, makes sense to me. Doesn't it to you?

PS DrSP

2010-07-21T07:42:00.000-05:00

The reason I'm being difficult about your generous offer to buy me clothing is because I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, detest shopping for apparel. My impedimenta are not necessarily intentional, rather subconscious, as I always leave dressing rooms in tears and ready to find solace in a giant bowl of vanilla ice cream and peanut butter.

Should that happen, the shopping process would then be further extended due to unnecessary weight gain and self-pity. The cycle would repeat itself and more money would then be spent on JIF and Blue Bell.

It's much easier for you to do one of these two things:

1. Buy said items in appropriate size without me to replace said articles you are tired of.
2. Buy said items in appropriate size without me because you are insanely sweet and thoughtful of me like that.

I recommend keeping a copy of receipt and in the event of tearflow, please ignore, it is nothing you did. It is simply a side-effect of self-disappointment in physical stature.

There are a few preventative measures you can take and others you can continue to make to help lower the risk of me crying. That list includes:
- Telling me how beautiful I am. All the time.
- Refraining from negative comments about my boobs, stomach, ass, and thighs.
- Offering me regular terms of endearment.
- Not buying something you know is too big (i.e. Plus size).
- Asking me sizes in advance... But good luck on that one...

Furthermore, I'd like to remind you that this email is in no way designed to be offensive, rather a humorous and honest way of letting you know why I only shop for clothing as necessary.

Have a good week at work, DrSP! I will see you Saturday when hopefully I will have acquired us tickets, as promised!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Insomniac's penmanship

2010-07-21T00:40:00.001-05:00

I had such a blast tonight! DrSxDP and I went out with my best girlfriend T and her BF, D. I love her! It's so wonderful having a female in my life I can tell anything to! And it's even better not having a sociopath tell me I can't be friends with her because he's secretly utterly insecure!

I love that I have DrSP to learn to build a real and trusting relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'm a little paranoid still about some things and I have to check myself with him because I've been hurt so many times! He is patient and understanding about this, or at least he appears to be... If he's not he's hiding that well.

I'm just thankful for my T because I can say, "T! I'm paranoid!" and she can say, "Steph, you're so crazy! I don't know why you're worried about that! You can tell he's crazy about you!"

We went to Mugshots tonight. Beer and burgers make every social gathering better! I'm glad to see important people in my life getting along! I hate it when people make a big deal out of someone they don't know for stupid, immature reasons! There is so much more fun to be had in getting to know new people!

I've made plans to spend tomorrow evening for Girl's Night with T. It will be a night filled with girl talk and dreams.

I'm feeling a good sense of balance in my life this summer. I can have my time w DrSP and my time with T and time with other friends, too. It's nice to finally be able to still be me no matter who I'm around!

And drama free, knock on wood!

In other news, I'm about to get new roommates. I think I've learned my lesson on being FB friends with roommates, though. This time I will not let them have access to my venting. Communication with 21-year-olds is like raising a teenager. I'll be able to tell more stories without irrational consequences this way.

Beach in a few days!! W00t!!

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WTF

2010-07-20T13:18:00.001-05:00

Nutshell version of conversation from Elvis (aka, the one I shouldn't have recycled last fall).

Elvis: hey, read emails we exchanged. Want to get dinner.

Me: I'm seeing someone. Where's my necklace.

Elvis: I boxed it up and mailed it to you.

Me: never got it.

Elvis: I can track it.

Me: that's all I want from you. Thanks.

Elvis: no answer.....

He wins the award or most random email sent today. I just want my necklace back!

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Constructive Criticism at its Finest

2010-07-20T12:54:00.001-05:00

Since I've been back on air, I've been subject to daily air checks. I haven't had to listen to myself with someone else since I did news. I hate listening to myself. I hear me and hear me and hear me and hear me and the start thinking about how retarded I sound. It's interesting.

Must sound natural
Must sound cool
Must be local
Must keep pace
Must do "a, b, or c" except at "x, y, or z"
Segue this way, not that way
Nevermind, don't segue this way, segue that way!
Sheesh!

*Sigh* I'll just stick to having fun because the best parts of air checks are when I'm told, "I'm only getting harder on you because you're improving." I might be rusty after a five year hiatus, 3 years in news and ten years since being a DJ, I'll gladly take the constructive criticism!

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The Day the A/C Died

2010-07-19T16:10:00.004-05:00

I just got in from work. I cut out a little early because it's Monday. None of my stuff gets in on time so it's becoming normal for me to have to go back Monday evenings to finish my work. No big deal there. I like the privacy. I thought I'd hang out at home for a little while instead of wasting gas on a hot summer day looking at things I can't afford anyway.

When I walked into my apartment, it was like I walked into a dog pound that had just emptied all the kennels. It literally smells like poo in here. It is 100 degrees. OK, I exaggerate, really only 80. But still. It's Alabama in the middle of July. It's hot and it stinks. I get changed for the gym and cannot stop sweating and cannot figure out this horrid smell.

I had to check out what was up with the thermostat. That's when I found out it was broken.

I consider myself to be a neat freak. I do not like clutter. I do not like germs. I love Clorox and I love a squeaky clean shine. I love the smell of fresh things and find it much easier to relax when I'm not surrounded by clutter. That being said, I do not clean after others. I do not clean up a mess you left behind. I refuse. I don't care how tall the dishes in the sink get, I would rather buy something that doesn't require a dish for dinner than clean your dishes. Someone else's mess is not my responsibility. It pisses me off that people actually don't give a shit about this, but there are people in the world who literally think that if they loan a dish to a person, the loanee is then responsible for every dish in possession of the loaner. I live with two of them.

One of the two, in particular, amazes me. She defies the laws of science. I have never seen someone cook a meal, leave it out for five days - on the stove - without a cover, let it collect flies (yes, flies!!), then reheat it in in the microwave, then leave it in the microwave for three, THEN reheat it AGAIN, and not have one ailment from the 7 day life span of the food. She brings home a pizza, leaves it out for a week and then eats it. I'm amazed she isn't dead. I'm more amazed that she's never been deathly ill from this! Today, of all days, she left out an uncooked package of ground beef. It's next to all of her clean and dirty dishes in the sink.

Needless to say, I don't get to use my sink much. I don't use it unless I've cloroxed it, either.

It's also a fantastic idea to bring your own bottled water to my apartment and avoid the tap water.

So not only is it 80 billion blazing degrees in my home, it smells like poo because the walking miracle of science has left meat out...

Now, the maintenance man just left. He informed me that he had spoken with this roommate earlier about the A/C dying. He said that was this morning. So here it is, 4:30 PM, ground beef has been sitting out in my apartment, baking in humidity and 80 billion degree heat, she knew that the A/C was dead, and left the meat out anyway...

Bloody. Hell.

I. Cannot. Wait. To. Move. Downstairs.

Date night

2010-07-18T16:27:00.002-05:00

I got a hot date tonight with my DrSxDP! It's been awhile since we've gone out on a date date. It's been exceptionally hectic lately so it will be nice to just sit and enjoy conversation with him. Plus, I go to the beach next week and I'm looking forward to getting to spend as much time with him as I can before I'm gone for a week.

I like date nights. I love being with someone who still gives me butterflies. I know you read that and smirked, btw.

I like to ride my bicycle

2010-07-18T16:20:00.003-05:00

The thing that I love about the summer time is how out of nowhere, a rainstorm can hit.

Like today for example.

Perfect day for a lazy bike ride. I had no intentions of really pushing myself. Just a good hot, sunny summer day to jump on my bike and ride. It's my newest addiction. I've been going to spin classes pretty regularly lately and have loved them! I didn't get to go this past week so to make up for it, I thought I'd go for a ride around town and just have some good healthy me time on my bike! Until I got downtown...

I noticed the big, dark cloud way in the distance when I left. In the five minutes it took me to peddle down the ominous hill that got me started going to spin classes in the first place, the ominous cloud was gaining speed. I kept peddling thinking that I could at least make it into town.

By the time I got to the strip, it became a race: who was going to make it back to my place faster? Me or this storm?

Then I heard thunder!

I peddled my ass off and made it back up the hill in record time. Didn't get a drop of rain on me. By the time I made it to my stairs, the rain began to pour.

That's when I decided to play on Blogger a bit and found the new templates. I was ready for a face lift anyway. What do ya think??

Big talker

2010-07-15T10:50:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting in a Starbucks (big shocker there!) and there is a man across from me that I know from somewhere.

The first glance I had of him in here, I thought greasy salesman. He was talking and glanced up at me and I figured then he recognized me, too.

Wish T would hurry and show up so the awkward "I know you from somewhere" glances can stop!!

He is talking to people he apparently knows; but he won't stop talking. He sounds so redneck country. In his suit and southern accent, he resonates scammer.

He just left and got in his big green Tahoe. The back had his phone number on it. Just his phone number. Weird.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la My Oh My

2010-07-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

Well I'd say that went well! No majorly embarrassing moments, foul words, and the word condom was never brought up. I'd say BF meeting my dad and grandparents was a success!

And he totally thought he was getting okra until I set him straight! I loved it- he was so gentlemanly about it until he asked me when we were alone if he was really being served okra! He scored so many points for being a good sport!

Must add that he needs to learn quickly that I enjoy pulling innocent (and harmless) pranks!

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Who's more anxious?

2010-07-13T14:28:00.000-05:00

Dear BF is meeting my dad tonight. This should be interesting considering Dad's a professional Santa...

I've already done one of my staple practical jokes. After 4 months, BF should take it as a sign that I really, really like him! He thinks he's in for shitload of green vegetables, which he hates! Little does he know what's really in store!!

Actually, I'm probably more nervous than he is. They are going to love him, no worries. Just seems to be like a curse; if you meet my dad, the end is nigh... I pray not. I'm not going to start a Redsox tradition in dating. This is probably why I've waited so long to introduce him. That, and my family dynamics are exceptionally screwy...

I plan on keeping BF a long time... This feels too nice being happy and taken care of... This is what it's supposed to feel like to be loved.

In other news... I've eaten my words about radio. It feels good to be back.

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Security

2010-06-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

Here's why I talk more openly on Twitter now: in the end, who gives a shit what I'm up in my life? Not to sound as if I'm depressed, I'm not. I mean that in the sense that I've moved on with my life and I'm so happy right now, no one can take that away from me.

Why not be proud of my happiness??

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This is how I tweet

2010-05-29T14:47:00.001-05:00

This is sad... OK no it's not... it's hilarious!

http://tweetstats.com/graphs/StephOfOz

What's new pussycat

2010-05-29T14:31:00.002-05:00

Well, I quit my job and started a new one.

I couldn't take Corporate America's bullshit anymore. After they told me I had unkempt hair, cheap shoes, a blouse that looked like a t-shirt, and then proceeded to call me dysfunctional, I decided it was time to take my exit. I kept my pin.

I'm so glad to be out of there and at my new job. Working in radio again is awesome.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm starting to feel more comfortable with saying what I'm doing on the Internet. I feel much more comfortable saying what I'm doing and where I've been. It also helps that I've had a lot of healing in the recent weeks. Finally feeling like it doesn't matter anymore, I don't feel branded. It's nice to not have a shadow following me around anymore.

I feel quite liberated right now!

How far will I go with this comfort level? I don't know. I don't want to be stupid about some of the things in my life. I want to be able to be completely honest and get back to the old writing style I had a few years back; hopefully soon that will happen. In the meantime, I believe I will toe in gradually to explaining the awesome things in my life.

Right now, awesome number 1: I have positive people in my life now. I have a healthy relationship. It started over Chinese food and wasn't what I'd intended. Then it went to long talks and butterflies in my stomach. Now it's comfort that makes me smile and gives me excitement, along with the butterflies in my stomach.

Awesome number 2: I'm back in radio. I feel at home. Still getting back in the groove but I'm about around people who have the same personality as mine! Praise God!

What a difference a year makes

2010-05-06T12:18:00.001-05:00

Last year - selling cars, financing cars, workin all the time, and had to miss the blue angels perform because of work then weather.

This year - sitting by the pool, drinking a few beers, reading a good book, missing my DrSxDP while he's at work, and watching the Blue Angels practice over my apartment.

After my last year, this feels like redemption.

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Kicking my own ass

2010-04-26T17:56:00.001-05:00

I'm working on getting in a better mood. It's a Monday afterall.

I'm over my personal issue from earlier. I have to remember I can't change these people. I'm dillusion if I think different.

In other news, I'm a bit bummed. I just learned that my temporary pause of life could last a bit longer than planned. I want to blame someone who instigated it but has nothing to do with it. Well, I just get pleasure in blaming them for everything. So I will this time, too. Oh well.

I'm telling myself, "stand up, dust yourself off, get back on again. It's going to be worth it in the end."

I'm greatful for the support that I do have considering that when I look at the reality of my current situation, I even think I'm nuts. Thank you for not calling me nuts.

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Two-faced reTards

2010-04-26T12:30:00.002-05:00

Why do people feel like they have to stir the pot constantly?

Why do some people feel it necessary to judge me and the people in my life for things we have no control over. Fuck you! I just don't understand what the point of constantly concerning yourself with what is my own personal business and relationships is going to fill in your petty, little lives. Why can't you just grow a pair of balls and say for yourself what you really think instead of manipulating other people to do it for you? Why is so vital to tell me what somebody else thinks of the priorities in my life.

I'm doing something with my life. I'm doing something you were too chickenshit to do. I'm doing something you only wish you could say you had the courage to do. I have a goal and I'm making it obtainable. Stop being jealous of me and that that makes you feel inadequate.

I've never lived my life to be vengeful of you. I've never lived my life to make you feel like a midget. To be perfectly honest, I don't really give a shit about the things you do or say in your life and would appreciate it greatly if you would stop rattling the rails in my world and mind your own fucking business!

Maybe if you stopped concerning yourself with my dreams and successes, you'd actually be able to do something about the things that you only wish you had the audacity to do and maybe take a step in the forward direction of progress.

Stop bitching and complaining about me and my friends. Stop accusing me of the things you only choose to judge me for when in reality it could be further from the truth. It's shameful to think that within my own tree is more gossip than can be written for JustJared or People. If I could sue you for libel, I'd win. And don't neglect to realize that I'm not only just sick of hearing you say these things about me, I'm sick of hearing you bitch about other people and not doing anything about those relationships. Stop pestering me to moil over the petty differences and drama that make your world turn. Understand, I don't give a shit about other people's problems, either! It's not my business! It's not my problem!

For once in your minuscule little lives, mind your own business!

It's not the presidet, it's Spann

2010-04-24T12:11:00.001-05:00

I love severe weather! Despite how bored I currently am, I still secretly hope I get to see some truly wicked weather! I guess it goes back to my days in media...

I remember the adrenaline rush from the news room on days like this; running around between stations, printing off wx updates, simulcasting when the wx was bad enough. It was so much fun. I hate admitting how much I miss radio sometimes but I still say I'll never go back.

I watch all of the severe wx coverage from a completely different point of view now. I watch NBC13 and think about all the gossip going around there and wonder what gossip is new. I wath Fox6 and think about how overrated they are. Then I usually stop flipping once I get to James Spann. There is no ABC 33/40 on severe wx days. There is only James Spann.

If you want to know what happened in the world of weather on November 17, 1982, James Spann can tell you! He's more than just a weatherman, too. He's a walking Tom-Tom! "this bridge on this road in this town in this city, it's next to this light post and a tree where I heard my first beatles song. Man! I'll never forget!"

The only reason this man is the voice of Alabama weather us because he predicted the blizzard of 1993 (March 12, 1993 - my parents 17th and final wedding anniversay. They also split that weekend. I blame Spann). For some sick reason, Alabamians everywhere have dropped everything and gone to buy milk and bread when James Spann says so! It's a conspiracy people! Walmart pays him to say this shit!

Spann, I am just curious how you know all of these roads in Alabama. WTF is Yazoo City by the way???? Were you bored in high school and college and just do an incessant amount of driving!? The way you moil over the changing landscape and roads of our state makes me concerned that you may have an obsession that requires medication. And can you recall caloric intake of foods as easily as you can name the time and place of a tornadic event in history?

Just curious...

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Just warming up...

2010-04-15T11:40:00.005-05:00

It's not even noon yet, as I write this, and I have so many tactless opinions to vomit currently it's not funny. Maybe I'm talking to you, maybe I'm not. Bottom line: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I've collectively had about 12 hours of sleep the last three days; I'm in a bad mood.

Don't tell me that I'm under review, that I have to turn in an unknown document by Saturday or get an automatic one on my review, and then not reply to my question of WTF the document is and what I need to do SINCE I'M OFF THE REST OF THE WEEK!

Roommates: Clean up after yourselves. Some of you live like filthy pigs. It's disgusting! I get dust bunnies, I get scraps of paper left on the floor. I'm not cleaning up your dishes anymore, I'm not paying for you to use my toilet paper, I don't want your chicken juice on my food when it's thawing, I don't want the bacteria you let fester in the kitchen near me! If the dishwasher is clean and you have a dirty dish, empty the fucking dishwasher. Simple. Takes three minutes. Then put your dirty dish in. If the dish washer's full, start it! If you wash your clothes, please be considerate of others who need to wash their clothes; don't leave a load in the washer the night before you leave on a week long trip to somewhere. You're clothes are going to mildew cause they're just going to sit on top of the dryer, wet, until you come home. We cohabitate! Be considerate! And when you take the garbage out, put another bag in the damn can! Takes two seconds! I bought the damn bags, use them!

Political activists on the Right and Left: SHUT UP! All of you! Right side: I didn't vote for him either but remember how the last 8 years all you said was, "We should support our President even if we didn't vote for him"? Yeah, waffle if you like, I was in political talk radio then, I've got it on tape. You said it, now act on it. He's you're President, support him. You don't have to like him, you don't have to agree with him, but he is your President now. Left side: I haven't said anything negative, I haven't said he needed to be impeached, I'm quite the moderate now as I get older so, quite frankly, you're not going to sway me either way. Please don't be like the Right for the last 8 years and rubbing in that their man's in a leadership position. Both sides: GROW UP! How many years have we been protesting, starting activist groups, leading campaigns against this and lobbying for that? Put active thought into that question, consider all of the rallies, protests, and petitions you can think of. --- I'll wait.----------Now that you've put some real thought (hopefully) into old and new political war cries, how many have actually worked without voting in the person to put into action? So instead of complaining how bad our economy is and whining about who put us in that situation, how about going back to work, be productive, make money, PUT THE MONEY BACK IN THE ECONOMY and make an active effort to fix our financial problems. Stop sitting on your funds because you're afraid. It takes spending it to get the economy moving again. It's how the system is designed to work. Tea Party People: You're just crazy to think anything is going to reform there. Yeah, just get over you're ideas. Stop saying they governments after your pelf when you know that majority of you (not 100%, but majority) are of the upper-middle class and say you're now live in poverty because of the economy. Taxes aren't going any where, they aren't going to be reformed in the near future unless we get a President elected who has the support to move the Fair Tax system.

Coworkers: I can't work on Thursdays. I never ask for Saturdays off. Stop asking me to swap my A-day with you. It's not happening. I can't work Thursdays. It requires me to be in two places at once. I can't physically do that. Write it on a post it note, put it in your phone, tattoo it on your hand, put it somewhere you can remember to look. I've been there a year now, you've each asked on more than one occasion; the answer will always be no! Not on Thursdays, not right now. I will let you know when and if that should change!

Side note: I'm listening to Beethoven's Symphony 9: IV and it's getting me more charged for my vent. I haven't sipped my coffee while I've been writing this.

The average Tweeter: Read the links before you post the story with your opinion in 140 characters or less. I'm annoyed with the number of people reading titles, assuming they know what the article is about, putting a little opinion about it next to the bity link, and submitting. Do you have any idea how stupid you look when people actually go read the link and find out that you're opinion has zero relation to the article you posted? I should unfollow you.

Parents: Teach your damn children how to drive better! I'm a biker, I follow the same traffic laws as automobiles. That means you treat me the same way as a automobile. I am on a vehicle. I yield for you at yield signs, you yield for me. I stop for you, you stop for me. I will stay on the sidewalks as much as possible but three different teenagers almost committed manslaughter yesterday while I was heading to and from home. What makes me nervous is that teens follow their parents behaviors; you probably don't pay attention to pedestrians and bikers either. I just hope you have good insurance and don't kill me. DrSxDP will be pissed.

That being said,

Pedestrians: USE THE SIDEWALK AND CROSSWALKS! If you jump out in front of my bike or car in a parking lot when I'm going 5 mph and flip me off for not stopping before you do so, you are jaywalking. I'm not psychic, I don't have x-ray vision. That's why I'm going 5mph! If I'm on my bike, or if you are around any biker for that matter, don't stand still in the bike path and look at us funny when we have to slam on our brakes from hitting you. Stupid twats, you almost deserve to be hit by a car. My insurance isn't that good, though, so you're lucky around me. Though, the mood I'm in today, jump out in front me and I may speed up!

Some friends in particular that you already know who you are and I don't have to point you out because I've already given you my two cents on your predicament(s): If you aren't going to take my advice, please stop venting to me about how you don't know how to handle something or your life is in the shitter. I am your friend and will always be there for you, however, I will not tolerate pity parties when I've already told you how to handle a problem and you refuse to do it or listen. Honestly, for some of my friends more than others, I'm honestly concerned about how adamant you are about continuing your self-deprecation. You do not live in Shittown unless you want to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get back on again. But remember the definition of insanity it doing the same thing over and over again. You want to stay out of Shittown? Stop focusing on the things you can't control and focus on the things you can. When you control what should be organic, you create side effects like what you're experiencing now. Stop trying and let life happen naturally. Because I love you, I'm not listening to it anymore. It may be tough love, and it may hurt, but I don't like seeing you in the place you're in right now. It's time to start accepting the changes in life and going with things instead of manipulating them

Internet Service Provider: Get off you're lazy ass and fix my connection problems already! Geez, it's old having to swap between all of your routers every five minutes!

I feel a good bit better now. God, I love writing...

This is what a rut looks like

2010-04-13T13:21:00.003-05:00

I'm burned out.

I've had so much going on lately that I'm just burnt on nearly everything. A sabbatical would be nice. If only... Work...ugh...work #2...hate corporate America...Where's my free time?

I must have Spring fever. That's what I'll diagnose myself with. I'm seeing these beautiful days of the season casting this happy sunshine over everything and I'm envious of the ones who get to frolic in it. I hate admitting it because I don't mean to complain but I'm finding it more difficult to push through this rut until I can really enjoy some me time.

I'm having to be my own personal cheerleader presently. I can do this. I can make it. My efforts aren't in vain. Miracles happen everyday, you've been blessed in every situation of need so far, Steph, God won't forget you this time, either. The truth is, I know I can do this, I know I can make it. I just hate the disheartening part when things can't or don't go as planned so that I can also frolic in the sun and play with my friends.

So if you see me about going chugga-chugga-choo-choo, I'm just building up my spirit for my next big hurdle.

How to handle fear

2010-04-09T11:30:00.000-05:00

There is a bee in my apartment!!

Nothing scares me more! Really!

One roommate tried to kill it and he just got mad and hid! I locked myself in my room! I'm frightened a bit!

About an hour later, there was a knock on my door. I thought it was my friend to come pick me up. It wasn't C, it was the maintenance man. I asked him, "are you here to kill the bee?" I wondered how he knew about the bee in the first place.

"No," he chuckled, "I'm here about the disposal but I'll kill your bee, too."

Great!

Until we couldn't find the bee.

We searched for a good couple of minutes until he gave up.

Then the bee popped up it's little head just to laugh at me.

I'm back in my room until my friend gets here.

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The Easter bunny was very good!

2010-04-04T18:40:00.001-05:00

Happy Easter! I hope everyone had a wonderful day! Today was fabulous! I have been non-stop all day and am so ready to be home already!

Currently waiting for my friend. I don't think he's coming at this point. I need coffee and he wanted to see me so why not kill two birds with one stone right?? He says he's on his way but I'm wondering if he was in California when he said that...

Easter with my family was so filling. Despite the fact that my hugger-mugger was exposed and I was grilled, I got to see 75% of my nephews today! It was also my mum's birthday! I'm very tired from all of my playing, which is why I'm not putting a lot of effort into my writing style right now. I just prefer to update at this point, get home, finish my work, and get in the bed!

It's good to have such a beautiful day to celebrate the resurrection of Christ!

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No, you may not give urine instead of blood.

2010-03-30T13:18:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting in a quiet room, filled with people and laptops. Earlier, I was getting tickled at a curly-haired brunette laughing loudly to herself at the book she was reading. I watched the guy to my right doze slightly as he studied some subject on his laptop. Meanwhile, I was eavesdropping on the group of people to my left holding a meeting.

So the table is wobbly and I've got time to kill. I forgot my headphones at home before I jumped on my bike this morning. What else is a girl to do besides waste her life on Facebook?

Read Monty Python sketches.

I have just been witness to myself becoming the very girl I was laughing at earlier as I laughed out loud to the parodies of the Python boys. I heart them!

Resolution and Tension

2010-03-30T12:18:00.002-05:00

Safe to say we've resolved our issues from yesterday. Communication works wonders.

Does make me think about how people obsess over things. I'm writing on a table that's brand new and wobbly. Someone needs to get this things exchanged. I am beginning to see how unhealthy it can really be for someone to let one subject consume their every thought. I am seeing how frustrating it is when a friend tries to help them move forward or away from the thought altogether and isn't necessarily ignore, but rather, misunderstood or only just heard.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

I have so many more thoughts on this subject to yada yada yada about but this table is a pest.

About time

2010-03-29T14:18:00.001-05:00

Finally got blogpress on my phone! No more lack of post excuses now! Wait... Is that a good thing?

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It's just old now...that's why I'm frustrated...

2010-03-29T11:56:00.004-05:00

Friendships are so delicate. There's always a fine balance and the great thing about friendship is that they are so easy to maintain until someone gets hurt. You're the best friend I've ever had, what the hell? You go about your day to day lives, catching each other up on the humdrum and extraordinary. You ask advice and give advice. Never ever do you doubt your friend because they would never lie to you, they would never hurt you, and most certainly would never want to see you get hurt.

To have a perfect happy medium in a friendship means that at some point, your friend lies to you. Does this make my ass look big? No! That's not to say that every single time your friend is a fibber, little white lies are innocent...sometimes.

What would you say if I told you sometimes a friend can love and appreciate your person so much that telling you the truth was the only way they knew to return the love you've shown them? What would you say if I told you they have absolutely no sense of orating tactfully what you need to hear? What would you say if sometimes the truth hurts and you hope so much for something that you can't see the obvious and they're just trying to help?

I'm getting pretty fed up with people attacking me for not hearing what they want me to say when they ask my opinion. You asked me!!!! I have a list of things in my life that I wish I wish someone had told me before I learned it myself! So many things in my life would be different and I could have avoided so much heartache. It pisses me off that you are displacing your anger about the truth on me. I'm just relaying the honest opinion you asked me for. I'm not going to lie. I'm a real friend and I value you.

You are the best friend I've ever had. You've been there for me through so many of my trials and tribulations. You have let me cry on your shoulder and have hopefully given me your honest opinions. I truly appreciate that and want to be there for you during this time. You can lean on me, vent to me, cry on me. Please don't be mad at me when I tell you the truth, especially if it's not what you want to hear. I see you involved and focused on this one goal that is so trivial you are missing out on the bigger things in life! I think you are worth so much more than you say you are and it pains me to see you kicking yourself.

Bottom line you who is miffed at me for wanting to protect you from that heartbreak: There is a whole wide world out there and you are missing it when you could be owning it! If you were really listening, which I really hope you are now, then this subject wouldn't be a subject. Please learn from my mistakes.

The one where I went to the bar...

2010-03-21T19:10:00.003-05:00

Girl's night out was last night. It was a blast! Last night for the Spring Breakers, everyone had just gotten back into town; the place was packed!

Just a few of the scenes I ran into that was well worth the cover charge:

A man serenaded me with a harmonica
The lead singer of the band was walking on the bar
The lead singer was then carried around the room on a bouncer's shoulders...it was more odd.
The lead singer (still trying to be the shit) tried to start a dance off in the middle of the bar. Major fail.
A 62-year-old woman jumped up on the stage to hool-a-hoop.
The 62-year-old woman then fell on the drums.
A bachelorette was pulled up on stage for a song; no one cheered for her.
The band had dangerously bad strobe lights
The band also covered the backstreet boys...wth....wth...wth???

When it was all said and done last night and the bar yelled last call, I had a blast last night!

Repletion

2010-03-21T18:57:00.003-05:00

I have music from Diane Birch. I think I just crawled out from under a rock. I love music.

Why is it that when everything is right in your world, there is nothing to write about? I blame people's obsession with drama. Yet, I still have a lot to write about right now, however, I'm really enjoying keeping some things under my hat. Secrets are fun.

Actually, when I think about what's going on in my life, I can't help but think about where I was a year ago. Time has flown. In a few days, my life legally changed for the better. I hope I haven't taken for granted the new sense of freedom I've had from the past year. It's been a very wild ride! It's had ups and downs and last year hurt like hell but now I can sit down, look at myself, and I'm very proud of the fact that I feel like more of an individual than ever. I have my independence. I move to make Independence Day April 3! It feels so good to be able to not answer to anyone yet at the same time, I can include whomever I want in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and people I can relate to. I'm proud of myself for being able to step away from the people who little by little tear away at the mountain that I stand on now. I allow myself to be only around those that I allow me to be the person I've grown to be and accept all of me.

I would be a fool to miss this magic view - Diane Birch

Yeah, that hurt.

2010-03-07T09:03:00.003-06:00

So let me tell you about irrational.

I'm still flabbergasted at the fact that the opportunity to discuss this was not given to me.

He takes me to a movie. We may have had these movie plans awhile, however, my movie going experience has been ruined now. Have you seen Alice in Wonderland yet? Why yes, and then I got my heart broken again. He shares popcorn and a drink with me. We leave, discuss the movie. Then out of the blue he tells me my stuff is in the car. I clue in. I ask why. Because my feelings got hurt when I thought he'd bitten my head off. He didn't like that. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it was a miscommunication and deserved discussion.

For your information, there are two people in a relationship. That means there are two individual sets of emotions. One person's world doesn't revolve around you every second, as much you might like it to. That's why communication is key in a relationship and a person who truly loves another discusses a problem and doesn't run from it.

Instead of saying, "Hey, I have a problem with this," he ends it in the car, on the way home from the movie theatre.

And why did I dump you out on the side of the road to walk home? Because as I was trying to tell you before, I'm not the best Christian (you may or may not have gotten to that part because you continued to interrupt me with your "whatevers") that being said that I don't tithe - and for people who do tithe, it's a couple of bucks. You're ELIAS thing? You are paying $125 for a woman to tell you what an entity is communicating through her. My God doesn't do that and he doesn't charge, He just speaks directly to me. I was trying to ask you why couldn't yours? Instead you continuously interrupted me and disrespected me with your attitude. Hope you had a nice walk home.

I would like to say thank you for being one of the many men out there. Just like the lot of them. You make a promise, pretend to act on the promise, and then break it.

How's the view?

2010-03-02T21:23:00.004-06:00

I would just like to add before this is read that I am in no way directing this piece to one person in particular. It is merely a reflection I observed throughout my day. Should you read this and feel that I am directing this toward you, know that I'm not and merely considered more the reason as to why you think maybe I am. I am just as guilty of letting my bad day tell me what to do. Considering the number of letters and postings I have put up here that do sometimes antagonize people, I thought I should let you know, these are just my rambling thoughts while sipping a hot cup of chocolate...

People are too busy worried about getting their next fix. We're all in some way addicted to drama. We may be addicted to our own or reality TV drama, we may be addicted to our friends or celebrity drama unfolding. We all say we don't care. The reality is that we really do. It feels good to know that we get to be in the know or our drama makes us important. The painful truth of that matter is that other people may not care about our own personal drama but about someone else's.

We're a society so fixed on staying angry, on who wronged us. We're all guilty of it. God knows I am! We wanted the wrongs righted. We want to be able to breathe a sigh that says we championed the villain and slayed the beast the hurt us and kicked us down. The degree of the wrongs or the level rather isn't up to us to interpret, despite the fact that it's our own wrong. We may feel it's completely worth venting and spitting over while others, be it friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or even family, tell us whether or not to worry. Have you ever noticed that we never listen to what others tell us? Repeat it over and over again if you like, the degree to which you worry about it is still up to you while someone else tells you different.

The thing about drama is that we let it control our attitudes to an extent that is unhealthy. Tiger had how many hoes?? He said that to her?? I'm so angry for him!! There's this redundant saying that attitudes are contagious. The fact is that they are. And anyone who's seen Pretty Woman agrees with Julia Roberts: the bad stuff is always easier to believe. Why is that?

Because it hurts us to tell someone the truth about a matter; therefore, it should hurt someone else just as much to tell us the truth about us. In my nearly thirty years of life, this is just something I've noticed to be true in not only my own world but in the world's of my other friend's as well. We all think we're right, and maybe we are. Who's to say that in every argument, both sides are right? There can be two wrongs and there can be two rights. Just because someone calls you fat or a drama addict doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or right. It just means someone else sees something different than you.

When something good happens to us, we rejoice. Have you ever timed how long you were happy about something? When something positive enters our existence, the people in our environment are joyful with us. Have you ever timed how long it took someone else to tell you to calm down your own excitement? How often do we take the time to pass along our positive attitude to others? Better yet, how often have you tried and been shunned for the very idea of trying to make someone smile, even if it was just for a second? I'm guilty of not doing that enough. Sometimes it feels like when I do, I get scolded. Other times, I feel more use for myself when I know I've put a grin on some one's face and their laughter in the air.

Now think about how many times we've had a negative attitude. It's been our own personal, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing can go right. Everything can go wrong. I have been the walking Murphy's law. How often are we guilty of allowing our everyday frustrations control our emotional well being? How often do we discourage those who attempt to make us feel better when they care enough to light up our eyes? I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put down for trying to put me up.

We don't realize what our own attitudes can do to others until it's been done to us. It hurts when someone doesn't realize that you care. It's so much easier for us to pay forward our bad days instead of our good and so much harder for us to appreciate those who want to cast some ray of sunshine on our cloudy, cold day. It doesn't matter if it's a right or wrong, it's a matter of dramatizing our own emotions. We blind ourselves with our own present emotional well-being to the point we can't see what we do to the attitudes of others. When we try, we learn our lesson, and make sure others learn it, too- even if they don't have to. The sad part is that because of that, we kill the potential for a happier society.

In Utopia, the criminals are the people who are raised to steal, cheat, and destroy. They are then punished for the very things that they are taught to do. They never learn to perform any differently. In today's society, the people who pay forward their good deeds are the one's punished for trying to make the unhappy happy. No good deed goes unpunished. I learned that lesson today.

There is no good timing for happiness when anger, hurt, or frustration is involved.

Just as you learned your lesson, I learned mine.

The difference in a positive attitude and a negative one is that the negative gives up while the positive keeps going. Just because someone else doesn't want to smile doesn't mean that I don't. The content inherently want to share their felicity.

Yes, we're addicted to drama. We're addicted to ourselves. Something to remember about the people who want you to smile when you are stressed, hurt, venting, getting over, or stewing over your own drama: those are the people who love you and your drama...no matter how important it really is.

I have my own faults and I have my own drama that I'm guilty of obsessing over too much. The next time someone tries to make me smile, I hope I'm not so blinded I can't remember what it's like from their view. I hope I smile back.

Snow Angels

2010-02-12T13:07:00.007-06:00

It's snowing outside.

I live in Alabama. That means the entire state's been shut down for flurries.

I will admit though, there is a lot of snow coming down. It's just not sticking very well. It will probably be something of more concern once the roads start to freeze over tonight. That will be great for me seeing as work hasn't notified me of ANY weather plans. Love corporate America.

It's actually kind of nice to wake up and have a lazy day, listening to all the neighbors waking up and playing in the snow. There are sounds of spontaneously laughter and splatters of snow on nylon jackets outside my window. Don't have too much fun out there, guys! This morning, it was as quiet as a mouse outside. Not a peep. The snow was resting gently and collecting slowly in the grass. It would fall in the most lazy of ways to the ground, hypnotizing me as I sipped my coffee.

I feel like a bum. I haven't accomplished much with this time. However, I've actually done a lot. Oxymoron of the day. Just finishing up last minute Valentine's and playing with new software to pass the time. I'm not going anywhere if I don't have to today. It's too cold, it's too wet, and I'm comfortable right where I am.

I'm hoping I don't get snowed in this Valentine's Day weekend. I'm very excited and curious about my Valentine's gift...my curiosity is quite piqued. All I have is a riddle. I like surprises. Always making me think. If you surprise me before I figure this out, you're good. Not many people surprise me - you know why. I don't want anything to spoil tomorrow. He had so much excitement in his eyes when he was teasing me with our mystery plans. I'm excited to find out! I'll just be happy to get to spend some uninterrupted time with him - that time that seems to tick so slowly when we're together and yet I still hate it when it comes to an end.

Then Sunday, I'm going home for the day. I get to see the two other young men in my life and give them their Valentine's from their favorite Aunt.

See, this stupid snow, while peaceful today, messes up a lot of my plans!

Go away, Snow!!

My Muse

2010-02-11T22:13:00.001-06:00

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to heard
your time is now

Two letters

2010-02-10T09:52:00.005-06:00

To the Fucktard:

Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.

It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.

You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.

None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.

You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.

I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.

You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.

Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.

For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.

If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.

I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.

For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake

To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-

I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.

I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.

You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.

I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.

I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.

What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew

But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines

-hbb

Who what?

2010-02-07T22:50:00.001-06:00

I don't understand this "Who Dat?!" speak going on!

I understand that it has something to do with the Saint's and the Superbowl but it makes absolutely no sense to me. Would love some enlightment!

Dear Roommate

2010-01-29T08:36:00.003-06:00

Dear roommate,

As I right this, you are in the shower, your music in your room is louder than mine in my room, you've left all the lights on, we only have on bathroom, and I really have to pee.

I hear you're pitter patter back and forth between the hall; I understand you are getting ready. However, you have been getting ready for the last 1 hour and 26 minutes and during that time, I've had to pee. That urge is getting considerably worse. With this letter, I am begging of you to allow me some relief.

Please step out of the bath. Please gather the necessary items and do your hair and make-up in your room. Please allow me a few brief seconds in our shared bath to go. I must so bad and quite honestly, I'm urging on can't hold it anymore!

I apologize for the grotesque nature of this text. I simply don't think you can hear me calling your name over your MTv and radio. Also, the squatting dance was not my impersonation of Michael Jackson, it was me trying to ask for permission to enter the bathroom. I am simply beginning to have much difficulty and discomfort; please! please! allow me just a few brief minutes of this huge chunk of time you need to get ready!

Thank you, now get out of my way!

Sincerely,

Your roommate

PS - I'm going to sit on your bed until you're done :)

Trevor

2010-01-25T11:20:00.003-06:00

Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?

Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?

Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?

Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?

Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?

Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?

Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?

Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...

Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!

I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.

I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...

One night in a Gypsy caravan

2010-01-12T13:08:00.005-06:00

I'm smiling so big right now!

After all the dissappointments and challenges that came in 2009, I can honestly say I don't feel like 2010 will be near as tough and I'm looking forward to it! It's not a resolution, it's a fact! Every year we all make resolutions to some degree; even those of us who don't believe in making a list of the things that we will add to our daily lives or change in our daily routines. We set a goal and say, "This will be the year for xyz," and wait for the year to bring it to us instead of making it happen int he 365 days that lie ahead of us.

This year, I'm making it happen. It's hard as hell. But I'm going to make this year be awesome. So far, I must say it's already happening. I had the absolute best New Year's Eve/New Year's E.V.E.R. in the history of Steph! You didn't know it was possible to elope 3 times in one night, now did you?!? I will take my coconuts and ride with Patsy into tomorrow and enjoy every moment of the ride!

It feels so exciting to see a goal is obtainable, and to see yourself making that happen. It's motivating. I say that because it's hard as hell to finish my current goal and I'm encouraging myself. Trevor.

And to you, whom I must protect from the chaos of 2009 with all my might, you make me feel like I'm floating. You have taught me much in such a short time and you have so much more to show me. I can't wait to see.

As random as this post is for the rest of everyone else, I promise that I will have many, many more stories to share. Back to the original idea of this blog; back to writing. Everything will make sense and slowly my life won't have to stay under lock and key anymore.

Just like the rest of them after all

2009-12-13T10:10:00.003-06:00

So men are just stupid.

Yes, all of you.

You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...

There will be SOUP!

2009-11-14T19:02:00.002-06:00

Decided I would try to cook for the beaux tonight. I hope he doesn't die or get sick! I have been craving taco soup lately! I haven't had it in awhile. Alabama's playing football, R is late so now my apartment smells so good! The smell is making me very hungry!

I put a pot up this morning on what I should dare to cook. A couple of people were interested in my Taco Soup recipe so I thought I would post it for you while I watch Alabama play Miss St.

1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can ranch style beans
1 onion chopped
packet of ranch dressing
packet of taco seasoning
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 lb cooked ground sirloin/beef

Brown the beef, chop the onions, and pour everything into a crock pot. Put it on low for the whole day and come home to a yummy supper. I put sour cream, cheese, and Tostitos scoops in my soup for extra yumminess.

what’s percolating

Today's message brought to you by the Holy Spirit

Busy fingers

Another small step towards the big picture

The Home Stretch

One box at a time

Washing my hands

Moving Days

Sometimes life tells you different

The best thing I ever did

Alls I gots to say....

Module 3: Information Competency

Overview

Objectives

Assignments

I'd get married again just to not have a roommate

Progress

Progress

Everybody likes a debate!

Days go by

In other news...

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

165 days

I'm not percolating

Winter Wonderhell

My New Thing

babababababa

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not enough hours in the day

Where's my heart rate?

Blink Blink Blink

The Day the Energizer Bunny Died

I finally fixed him Shepard's Pie

Chew!!! Chew!!!

Last Birthday Gift Idea #9a & b

Who's Blonde?

Last Birthday Gift Idea #8

How I got ready for the game

Steph's Last Birthday Gift #7

Fridays my brain is fried

Correction

Something I don't do often

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #6

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #5

Steph's Last Birthday Gift Idea #4

Steph's Last Birthday Party Gift Idea #3

I want the one with the bigger GBs

Wish list

365 days later

The Gift

So I pissed someone off

Bama's Pluck and Grit has writ her name in Crimson Flame

Sob Story

Reliving Quiet Me Time....**Sigh**

Letter of Disguist

Why I'll pay the movers extra next time

The Last Written Word of Sand

Welcome back to stress

This is normal conversation

Panama City is BP free on the shore

Vacation starts.......NOW!!

One Pooped Puppy!!

I'm taking Chuck Norris to the beach with me! Take that!

There's a freckle on my big toe

Pure Chaos

PS DrSP

Insomniac's penmanship

WTF

Constructive Criticism at its Finest

The Day the A/C Died

Date night

I like to ride my bicycle

Big talker

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la My Oh My

Who's more anxious?

Security

This is how I tweet

What's new pussycat

Reliving Quiet Me Time....Sigh