It's snowing outside.
I live in Alabama. That means the entire state's been shut down for flurries.
I will admit though, there is a lot of snow coming down. It's just not sticking very well. It will probably be something of more concern once the roads start to freeze over tonight. That will be great for me seeing as work hasn't notified me of ANY weather plans. Love corporate America.
It's actually kind of nice to wake up and have a lazy day, listening to all the neighbors waking up and playing in the snow. There are sounds of spontaneously laughter and splatters of snow on nylon jackets outside my window. Don't have too much fun out there, guys! This morning, it was as quiet as a mouse outside. Not a peep. The snow was resting gently and collecting slowly in the grass. It would fall in the most lazy of ways to the ground, hypnotizing me as I sipped my coffee.
I feel like a bum. I haven't accomplished much with this time. However, I've actually done a lot. Oxymoron of the day. Just finishing up last minute Valentine's and playing with new software to pass the time. I'm not going anywhere if I don't have to today. It's too cold, it's too wet, and I'm comfortable right where I am.
I'm hoping I don't get snowed in this Valentine's Day weekend. I'm very excited and curious about my Valentine's gift...my curiosity is quite piqued. All I have is a riddle. I like surprises. Always making me think. If you surprise me before I figure this out, you're good. Not many people surprise me - you know why. I don't want anything to spoil tomorrow. He had so much excitement in his eyes when he was teasing me with our mystery plans. I'm excited to find out! I'll just be happy to get to spend some uninterrupted time with him - that time that seems to tick so slowly when we're together and yet I still hate it when it comes to an end.
Then Sunday, I'm going home for the day. I get to see the two other young men in my life and give them their Valentine's from their favorite Aunt.
See, this stupid snow, while peaceful today, messes up a lot of my plans!
Go away, Snow!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
My Muse
best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to heard
your time is now
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to heard
your time is now
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Two letters
To the Fucktard:
Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.
It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.
You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.
None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.
You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.
I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.
You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.
Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.
For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.
If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.
I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.
For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake
To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-
I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.
I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.
You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.
I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.
I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.
What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew
But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines
-hbb
Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.
It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.
You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.
None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.
You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.
I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.
You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.
Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.
For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.
If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.
I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.
For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake
To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-
I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.
I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.
You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.
I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.
I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.
What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew
But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines
-hbb
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Who what?
I don't understand this "Who Dat?!" speak going on!
I understand that it has something to do with the Saint's and the Superbowl but it makes absolutely no sense to me. Would love some enlightment!
I understand that it has something to do with the Saint's and the Superbowl but it makes absolutely no sense to me. Would love some enlightment!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Dear Roommate
Dear roommate,
As I right this, you are in the shower, your music in your room is louder than mine in my room, you've left all the lights on, we only have on bathroom, and I really have to pee.
I hear you're pitter patter back and forth between the hall; I understand you are getting ready. However, you have been getting ready for the last 1 hour and 26 minutes and during that time, I've had to pee. That urge is getting considerably worse. With this letter, I am begging of you to allow me some relief.
Please step out of the bath. Please gather the necessary items and do your hair and make-up in your room. Please allow me a few brief seconds in our shared bath to go. I must so bad and quite honestly, I'm urging on can't hold it anymore!
I apologize for the grotesque nature of this text. I simply don't think you can hear me calling your name over your MTv and radio. Also, the squatting dance was not my impersonation of Michael Jackson, it was me trying to ask for permission to enter the bathroom. I am simply beginning to have much difficulty and discomfort; please! please! allow me just a few brief minutes of this huge chunk of time you need to get ready!
Thank you, now get out of my way!
Sincerely,
Your roommate
PS - I'm going to sit on your bed until you're done :)
As I right this, you are in the shower, your music in your room is louder than mine in my room, you've left all the lights on, we only have on bathroom, and I really have to pee.
I hear you're pitter patter back and forth between the hall; I understand you are getting ready. However, you have been getting ready for the last 1 hour and 26 minutes and during that time, I've had to pee. That urge is getting considerably worse. With this letter, I am begging of you to allow me some relief.
Please step out of the bath. Please gather the necessary items and do your hair and make-up in your room. Please allow me a few brief seconds in our shared bath to go. I must so bad and quite honestly, I'm urging on can't hold it anymore!
I apologize for the grotesque nature of this text. I simply don't think you can hear me calling your name over your MTv and radio. Also, the squatting dance was not my impersonation of Michael Jackson, it was me trying to ask for permission to enter the bathroom. I am simply beginning to have much difficulty and discomfort; please! please! allow me just a few brief minutes of this huge chunk of time you need to get ready!
Thank you, now get out of my way!
Sincerely,
Your roommate
PS - I'm going to sit on your bed until you're done :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Trevor
Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?
Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?
Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?
Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?
Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?
Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?
Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?
Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...
Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!
I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.
I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...
Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?
Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?
Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?
Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?
Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?
Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?
Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...
Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!
I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.
I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
One night in a Gypsy caravan
I'm smiling so big right now!
After all the dissappointments and challenges that came in 2009, I can honestly say I don't feel like 2010 will be near as tough and I'm looking forward to it! It's not a resolution, it's a fact! Every year we all make resolutions to some degree; even those of us who don't believe in making a list of the things that we will add to our daily lives or change in our daily routines. We set a goal and say, "This will be the year for xyz," and wait for the year to bring it to us instead of making it happen int he 365 days that lie ahead of us.
This year, I'm making it happen. It's hard as hell. But I'm going to make this year be awesome. So far, I must say it's already happening. I had the absolute best New Year's Eve/New Year's E.V.E.R. in the history of Steph! You didn't know it was possible to elope 3 times in one night, now did you?!? I will take my coconuts and ride with Patsy into tomorrow and enjoy every moment of the ride!
It feels so exciting to see a goal is obtainable, and to see yourself making that happen. It's motivating. I say that because it's hard as hell to finish my current goal and I'm encouraging myself. Trevor.
And to you, whom I must protect from the chaos of 2009 with all my might, you make me feel like I'm floating. You have taught me much in such a short time and you have so much more to show me. I can't wait to see.
As random as this post is for the rest of everyone else, I promise that I will have many, many more stories to share. Back to the original idea of this blog; back to writing. Everything will make sense and slowly my life won't have to stay under lock and key anymore.
After all the dissappointments and challenges that came in 2009, I can honestly say I don't feel like 2010 will be near as tough and I'm looking forward to it! It's not a resolution, it's a fact! Every year we all make resolutions to some degree; even those of us who don't believe in making a list of the things that we will add to our daily lives or change in our daily routines. We set a goal and say, "This will be the year for xyz," and wait for the year to bring it to us instead of making it happen int he 365 days that lie ahead of us.
This year, I'm making it happen. It's hard as hell. But I'm going to make this year be awesome. So far, I must say it's already happening. I had the absolute best New Year's Eve/New Year's E.V.E.R. in the history of Steph! You didn't know it was possible to elope 3 times in one night, now did you?!? I will take my coconuts and ride with Patsy into tomorrow and enjoy every moment of the ride!
It feels so exciting to see a goal is obtainable, and to see yourself making that happen. It's motivating. I say that because it's hard as hell to finish my current goal and I'm encouraging myself. Trevor.
And to you, whom I must protect from the chaos of 2009 with all my might, you make me feel like I'm floating. You have taught me much in such a short time and you have so much more to show me. I can't wait to see.
As random as this post is for the rest of everyone else, I promise that I will have many, many more stories to share. Back to the original idea of this blog; back to writing. Everything will make sense and slowly my life won't have to stay under lock and key anymore.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Just like the rest of them after all
So men are just stupid.
Yes, all of you.
You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.
We're not stupid.
I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...
Yes, all of you.
You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.
We're not stupid.
I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
There will be SOUP!
Decided I would try to cook for the beaux tonight. I hope he doesn't die or get sick! I have been craving taco soup lately! I haven't had it in awhile. Alabama's playing football, R is late so now my apartment smells so good! The smell is making me very hungry!
I put a pot up this morning on what I should dare to cook. A couple of people were interested in my Taco Soup recipe so I thought I would post it for you while I watch Alabama play Miss St.
1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can ranch style beans
1 onion chopped
packet of ranch dressing
packet of taco seasoning
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 lb cooked ground sirloin/beef
Brown the beef, chop the onions, and pour everything into a crock pot. Put it on low for the whole day and come home to a yummy supper. I put sour cream, cheese, and Tostitos scoops in my soup for extra yumminess.
I put a pot up this morning on what I should dare to cook. A couple of people were interested in my Taco Soup recipe so I thought I would post it for you while I watch Alabama play Miss St.
1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can ranch style beans
1 onion chopped
packet of ranch dressing
packet of taco seasoning
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 lb cooked ground sirloin/beef
Brown the beef, chop the onions, and pour everything into a crock pot. Put it on low for the whole day and come home to a yummy supper. I put sour cream, cheese, and Tostitos scoops in my soup for extra yumminess.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Fingernails and Chalkboards
Let me tell you what I can't stand. I just noticed a person I know doing this. Soapbox.
I hate hypocrites. They piss me off. Just be yourself! I can't stand it when people pretend to speak or do what is socially acceptable just to keep your status.
For example, if you're gay, you're obviously gay, just say so. Who gives a shit? I don't! It's always the negative voices you hear because the people who don't give a shit don't care enough to say, "So what?" and believe me, the number of people who have the latter mentality far exceed the idiots who condemn something they are uncomfortable with.
Another example, it could be as simple has not liking college football but pretending to because you live in a college town, you're afraid you'll hurt yourself. I have a lot of choice words to say about people who pretend to be something they aren't. Family reads this; I won't say them.
Why is it so hard for people today to just appreciate what they like, want, or do? Why be ashamed? There are millions of people around you! Just because one group of people doesn't accept you for your personality traits doesn't mean you don't fit in. It means that you've just been saved from having meaningless associates who judge your for something they are either jealous of or uncomfortable with.
And by all means, don't pretend to like something just to keep up appearances. People see straight through you.
I hate hypocrites. They piss me off. Just be yourself! I can't stand it when people pretend to speak or do what is socially acceptable just to keep your status.
For example, if you're gay, you're obviously gay, just say so. Who gives a shit? I don't! It's always the negative voices you hear because the people who don't give a shit don't care enough to say, "So what?" and believe me, the number of people who have the latter mentality far exceed the idiots who condemn something they are uncomfortable with.
Another example, it could be as simple has not liking college football but pretending to because you live in a college town, you're afraid you'll hurt yourself. I have a lot of choice words to say about people who pretend to be something they aren't. Family reads this; I won't say them.
Why is it so hard for people today to just appreciate what they like, want, or do? Why be ashamed? There are millions of people around you! Just because one group of people doesn't accept you for your personality traits doesn't mean you don't fit in. It means that you've just been saved from having meaningless associates who judge your for something they are either jealous of or uncomfortable with.
And by all means, don't pretend to like something just to keep up appearances. People see straight through you.
Breath of Fresh Air
Had a date last night, I'm sure he'll read this but I started this blog with a no holds barred mentality and with the exception of other circumstances, I plan on keeping to that.
For the first time, I had a date with someone where I felt comfortable. Helps that I already knew him, and I've known him a long time. God, college seems like forever ago. Extremely nice to hang out with someone that I could actually hold a conversation with.
So, I knew him in college and it's actually quite a funny background story and maybe I'll write about that later. I don't think I'd seen him since then, actually, or maybe afterwards, shit I can't remember that far back. I really didn't recognize him. And I most certainly didn't remember him being almost a foot taller than me. Check one off list. I don't think he remembered me being so short either, he kept looking over my head once I saw him...
Time had changed him a bit. He's still very handsome but he's matured. Has military background, job, is an Alabama fan, graduated high school and college, walks/talks like he's confident, definately has a skill and his own hobbies. Check off 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 items from list. Good start... Overall, he was like a wine that had gotten better with age. So far. The shitty qualities from years ago were gone or minimized and, honestly, I wasn't looking to hard to see if they were there too much because I had such a good time.
First plan was margeritas and mexican food. I needed a drink. However, Iguana Grill was more than packed. I think the Fire Marshall was off duty; there were too many people in there!! So plan B, spontaneous and probably right up his ally since he'd said that's what he wanted anyway, was Kobe. Once we sat at the bar, I didn't quit laughing. That hasn't happened in awhile.
I'm going to be a little bit more honest here, more than anyone needs to know, but I'm going on a limb here. It's a very flimsy limb. I am not good with the whole "trust" thing and "good intentions." Yeah, I admit it, I don't believe anyone has a noble motive when the meet me now. Last night showed me something different, though. For the first time, I saw hope that not all mean are out to get in my pants.
So needless to say, yes, you who I know is reading this, you did well. Yes, you have another date. I'd love to see how much fun we'd have. Now stop getting my name wrong.
For the first time, I had a date with someone where I felt comfortable. Helps that I already knew him, and I've known him a long time. God, college seems like forever ago. Extremely nice to hang out with someone that I could actually hold a conversation with.
So, I knew him in college and it's actually quite a funny background story and maybe I'll write about that later. I don't think I'd seen him since then, actually, or maybe afterwards, shit I can't remember that far back. I really didn't recognize him. And I most certainly didn't remember him being almost a foot taller than me. Check one off list. I don't think he remembered me being so short either, he kept looking over my head once I saw him...
Time had changed him a bit. He's still very handsome but he's matured. Has military background, job, is an Alabama fan, graduated high school and college, walks/talks like he's confident, definately has a skill and his own hobbies. Check off 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 items from list. Good start... Overall, he was like a wine that had gotten better with age. So far. The shitty qualities from years ago were gone or minimized and, honestly, I wasn't looking to hard to see if they were there too much because I had such a good time.
First plan was margeritas and mexican food. I needed a drink. However, Iguana Grill was more than packed. I think the Fire Marshall was off duty; there were too many people in there!! So plan B, spontaneous and probably right up his ally since he'd said that's what he wanted anyway, was Kobe. Once we sat at the bar, I didn't quit laughing. That hasn't happened in awhile.
I'm going to be a little bit more honest here, more than anyone needs to know, but I'm going on a limb here. It's a very flimsy limb. I am not good with the whole "trust" thing and "good intentions." Yeah, I admit it, I don't believe anyone has a noble motive when the meet me now. Last night showed me something different, though. For the first time, I saw hope that not all mean are out to get in my pants.
So needless to say, yes, you who I know is reading this, you did well. Yes, you have another date. I'd love to see how much fun we'd have. Now stop getting my name wrong.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Rules and Counting
1. Must be employed.
2. Must be an Alabama fan.
3. Must be less than within my age up to 4 years older than me.
4. No country music. It sucks. Very, very few exceptions to that.
5. Must have college degree.
6. Must have highschool diploma.
7. Cannot suck the blood out of his parents.
8. Must have a retirement plan in place and in action.
9. Must be debt free.
10. No kids yet.
11. No hitting.
12. No biters...you're stupid if you think nibbling is cute. It's not.
13. Gives good back rubs.
14. Cleans regularly.
15. Respects what I've just cleaned.
16. Allows me my own hobbies.
17. Allows me to watch my own shows.
18. True gift giver - not to buy my affection. To let me know he thinks about me.
19. Respects my time.
20. Always opens every door, every time, every where, every day.
21. Loves movies.
22. Must be taller than me.
23. Has his own hobbies.
24. Has a skill.
25. Doesn't put me down for Lucill Ball moments. I have many of them.
26. Knows when to leave me alone.
27. Doesn't yell.
28. Communicates.
29. Never cheated on anyone.
30. Loves the gym. And it shows.
31. Speaks a foreign language.
32. Loves music.
33. Eeuughhh...I'll not list this one.
34. And I won't list this one either. They're censored. For me only. :)
35. Believes in himself.
36. Isn't cocky.
37. Takes pride in appearance.
38. Doesn't tell me who I can be with.
39. No curfews.
40. Has a life and let's me in but doesn't shove it down my throat.
41. Keeps his nails clean.
42. Clean shaven.
43. Knows how to make a bed.
44. Can fold clothes.
45. Brings me soup when I'm sick.
46. Plays an instrument.
47. Has never been arrested.
48. Doesn't believe in public intoxication.
49. Hates patron.
50. Never accuses me of bullshit.
51. Doesn't do drama.
52. Looks like Daniel Craig.
53. Respects when I don't want to talk about something.
54. Doesn't read my diary.
55. Trusts me completely.
56. Never gives me a reason to not trust him.
57. Gives me an off day if I want it.
58. Believes in me, even when I don't.
59. Supports me during my project.
60. Has a dream and wants to achieve it.
2. Must be an Alabama fan.
3. Must be less than within my age up to 4 years older than me.
4. No country music. It sucks. Very, very few exceptions to that.
5. Must have college degree.
6. Must have highschool diploma.
7. Cannot suck the blood out of his parents.
8. Must have a retirement plan in place and in action.
9. Must be debt free.
10. No kids yet.
11. No hitting.
12. No biters...you're stupid if you think nibbling is cute. It's not.
13. Gives good back rubs.
14. Cleans regularly.
15. Respects what I've just cleaned.
16. Allows me my own hobbies.
17. Allows me to watch my own shows.
18. True gift giver - not to buy my affection. To let me know he thinks about me.
19. Respects my time.
20. Always opens every door, every time, every where, every day.
21. Loves movies.
22. Must be taller than me.
23. Has his own hobbies.
24. Has a skill.
25. Doesn't put me down for Lucill Ball moments. I have many of them.
26. Knows when to leave me alone.
27. Doesn't yell.
28. Communicates.
29. Never cheated on anyone.
30. Loves the gym. And it shows.
31. Speaks a foreign language.
32. Loves music.
33. Eeuughhh...I'll not list this one.
34. And I won't list this one either. They're censored. For me only. :)
35. Believes in himself.
36. Isn't cocky.
37. Takes pride in appearance.
38. Doesn't tell me who I can be with.
39. No curfews.
40. Has a life and let's me in but doesn't shove it down my throat.
41. Keeps his nails clean.
42. Clean shaven.
43. Knows how to make a bed.
44. Can fold clothes.
45. Brings me soup when I'm sick.
46. Plays an instrument.
47. Has never been arrested.
48. Doesn't believe in public intoxication.
49. Hates patron.
50. Never accuses me of bullshit.
51. Doesn't do drama.
52. Looks like Daniel Craig.
53. Respects when I don't want to talk about something.
54. Doesn't read my diary.
55. Trusts me completely.
56. Never gives me a reason to not trust him.
57. Gives me an off day if I want it.
58. Believes in me, even when I don't.
59. Supports me during my project.
60. Has a dream and wants to achieve it.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
These last two weeks have been great! I should probably explain, that's because I quit my job! I have been doing absolutely nothing...well that part's not true, really. I have been doing quite a lot.
Truth is, I have made a huge change and that's required a lot of tedious things to be done. I haven't just lost my ever-loving mind and have decided that jobless will pay my bills. In fact, I already have another job lined up, but I am not starting until I get back from the beach.
Which is where I am right now.
Be jealous - it's beautiful down here!! OK - don't be jealous - pack a bag and come see how beautiful it is!!
The water is clear, the weather is perfect, the sun is out, the tanned resort boys are out putting the cushions out this morning...it's great!! In fact, the view is so awesome, my bed is right next to the window facing the ocean!
Truth is, I have made a huge change and that's required a lot of tedious things to be done. I haven't just lost my ever-loving mind and have decided that jobless will pay my bills. In fact, I already have another job lined up, but I am not starting until I get back from the beach.
Which is where I am right now.
Be jealous - it's beautiful down here!! OK - don't be jealous - pack a bag and come see how beautiful it is!!
The water is clear, the weather is perfect, the sun is out, the tanned resort boys are out putting the cushions out this morning...it's great!! In fact, the view is so awesome, my bed is right next to the window facing the ocean!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I have a Twin
Latest message in my email today:
Is it right?
Stranger: I'm not sure if I'm right or not. Anyway is this you right :D
?? i mean u know me ? .....Giza !!???? is you really or you just
look like her :D ?
Me: i don't think you have the right girl. I'm sorry!
Stranger: so don't you live in Egypt ?????
Me: No i live in the states
Stranger: sorry Stephanie but you look like her so much.
nice to meet you ;) thanks
Nobody Calls Me Sqints!!
I can see!!!
I got my contacts today! I'm so incredibly excited to not struggle to see anymore!!!
This is wonderful! Besides cheesecake, this is putting the biggest smile on my face!!
I got my contacts today! I'm so incredibly excited to not struggle to see anymore!!!
This is wonderful! Besides cheesecake, this is putting the biggest smile on my face!!
Overdue
I'm so excited this morning! I am finally getting my eyes checked!! I'm going to leave there feeling like a new woman! I can't wait to get my contacts back!
Following that, I have a dentist's appointment. I had never been afraid of those before but the last time I went, it was a bit painful. Note to self: Get the gas this time!!
Following that, I have a dentist's appointment. I had never been afraid of those before but the last time I went, it was a bit painful. Note to self: Get the gas this time!!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Take 2
You're going to call me an idiot.
I went on a date with D#1 tonight. I got weak!!
We had a good talk last night. He had been sending me text messages begging for forgiveness and admitting that he's an asshole. That part made me smile. I didn't have to even tell him! He called me, eventually, seeing as text message eventually get confusing when discussing something serious. I listened to what he had to say, but I made sure D#1 heard what I had to say.
Needless to say, it bothers me a bit that he has the same bottom line over and over again. He thinks that my irritation is solely in reference to his ogling of other females. In actuality, it's not. It's his behavior generally while intoxicated. It's the fact that he is the age that he is and was as irresponsible and insulting as he was. At first he didn't understand why it was such a big deal to me; and if he doesn't still, then I had a great free meal and probably the last for a minute.
D#1 now has boundaries and stipulations. There is to be no drinking around me. There is to be no threatening bodily harm to my friends. Actually, after some time has passed, it's up to him to make amends with my friends and make things right. He screwed his first impression with them and many others. K thinks I'm crazy and can't wait to say, "I told you so." He has other guidelines to follow as well.
I say, I have made things so strict for him that I will be surprised if he sticks around passed the weekend.
This is like having my own little bitch!
In the end, he said he wanted what we had back. I told him that what we had led to our problem. Why not modify it and do things differently; not make the same mistakes again? If he can't do that, then I'll know now that I am wasting my time.
I went on a date with D#1 tonight. I got weak!!
We had a good talk last night. He had been sending me text messages begging for forgiveness and admitting that he's an asshole. That part made me smile. I didn't have to even tell him! He called me, eventually, seeing as text message eventually get confusing when discussing something serious. I listened to what he had to say, but I made sure D#1 heard what I had to say.
Needless to say, it bothers me a bit that he has the same bottom line over and over again. He thinks that my irritation is solely in reference to his ogling of other females. In actuality, it's not. It's his behavior generally while intoxicated. It's the fact that he is the age that he is and was as irresponsible and insulting as he was. At first he didn't understand why it was such a big deal to me; and if he doesn't still, then I had a great free meal and probably the last for a minute.
D#1 now has boundaries and stipulations. There is to be no drinking around me. There is to be no threatening bodily harm to my friends. Actually, after some time has passed, it's up to him to make amends with my friends and make things right. He screwed his first impression with them and many others. K thinks I'm crazy and can't wait to say, "I told you so." He has other guidelines to follow as well.
I say, I have made things so strict for him that I will be surprised if he sticks around passed the weekend.
This is like having my own little bitch!
In the end, he said he wanted what we had back. I told him that what we had led to our problem. Why not modify it and do things differently; not make the same mistakes again? If he can't do that, then I'll know now that I am wasting my time.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sigh
I can't sleep tonight.
I'm a bit irritated.
D#1 is begging for forgiveness. I got short with my best friend for when he was trying to help me. I also think I scared D#2 a bit with my short temper.
I'm just in a mood.
Caution: Bitch on the loose!
Honestly, and sadly, I would like to know D#1 on a sober level, seeing as we have had a blast together recently. I'm having a difficult time seeing past that big red flag in front of his face, though! As for S, I apologized profusely, I feel terrible about it! I also apologized to D#2. I should have been more patient with my problems instead of letting the stress (work and non-work related) get to me right now.
I do have blackmail for D#1, should I agree to see him again. I have in my possession the photo of him passed out in front of bar. He even has a plastic cup hat! If he pisses me off again, you'll get to see it, too!!
I need a Girl's Night Out!
I'm a bit irritated.
D#1 is begging for forgiveness. I got short with my best friend for when he was trying to help me. I also think I scared D#2 a bit with my short temper.
I'm just in a mood.
Caution: Bitch on the loose!
Honestly, and sadly, I would like to know D#1 on a sober level, seeing as we have had a blast together recently. I'm having a difficult time seeing past that big red flag in front of his face, though! As for S, I apologized profusely, I feel terrible about it! I also apologized to D#2. I should have been more patient with my problems instead of letting the stress (work and non-work related) get to me right now.
I do have blackmail for D#1, should I agree to see him again. I have in my possession the photo of him passed out in front of bar. He even has a plastic cup hat! If he pisses me off again, you'll get to see it, too!!
I need a Girl's Night Out!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Stephanie's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Date
I feel like a bad person after my weekend. I know that I probably shouldn't.
Friday night started off very normal for me. D#1 was taking me out to go see a local band here in town, one I've seen several times before and was a little nervous about my behavior to come. Never in a million years did I think that D#1's behavior is what I should have worried about.
We get to the bar, he orders shots. "I'm only doing one, babe," I tell him. "I'm driving, k, and I have to work in the morning."
"OK" he answers. The night goes on as normal, we all chat and cut up at the table, dance to the music, have a blast.
Another hour later, more shots. Disrespect. I had met a couple of my friends at this bar and one of my friends and I head to the stage. I didn't want to do anymore shots. A few songs later, I work my way back to the table and find out that D#1 is obliterated. He's not just drunk, he's tore up. I also find out that he's been talking and rubbing up on other women while I've been away.
WTH???
I also find out that he just wants to get me, "Patroned Up," this coming from my friends of course.
Now, before I go any further, let's preface this!
I have known D#1 for three weeks at this point. I'm very turned off by this drunken behavior. I'm turned off by his staggering, wandering, now-grabbing self at this bar where he had balls enough to do this in front of my friends! I'm also extremely disappointed because he had presented himself to be an all-around nice, hard-working guy. He always got the door for me, which I really liked!! I know, cheesy.
I've known my friends much longer. They know more about what I've been through this year than most. They will always be looking out for me; I trust them for that. I understand I'm not the only one who's had a hard time, however, my friends are trying to make sure things don't get harder for me.
So, D#1 goes missing. With my car keys. And I want to go home. Twenty or thirty minutes later, I finally find his swaying self talking to a group of girls at the bar. I brushed into him to let him know I was behind him and he blew me off completely. I still didn't have my keys.
A few minutes later, he finds me, rests his head on my shoulder and starts the passing out process. I have no clue how many he's had by now, but I want to go home and I don't want to take him with me.
"Hey, give me my keys real quick." I held out my hands and he reached in his pocket to pause.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm just headed to the car to get something for K really quick," I answered. I want my keys so I can leave your drunk ass here to go home with some other bitch. I turned to go catch up with K outside for a second and he follows me. He wants to go with me!
"Hey, Babe, you're toasted!" I guided him to a chair. "Sit right here, I'm going to go with for a second, K?"
All he could do was nod. His eyes were glazed over and half shut. His mouth was hanging open and he couldn't stand anymore. For two seconds, I thought about getting him some water but I knew that it was a waste of my time. I also was pissed.
K and I pick up her sister down the street, walk back and we find him completely passed out at this time, in front of the bar. He looked like a conversation piece! We go back inside, party and play some more, have a good time. Meanwhile, I'm texting some of my friends to find out of if they are coming out, find a guy friend to walk me to my car. I knew that D#2 was at home and I really didn't need an escort home, just to my car!
No Luck.
1 am, I left. By myself.
My date was left up front, passed out in a chair with plastic cups thrown on him. Actually, a little bird told me there is a picture of this floating around the internet now!!!LMAO!!!
1:15 am, Roommate gets the d/l. We gather all of D#1's belongings together and make sure he has no reason to come in the apartment when he does make it back.
2 am, D#1 has made it back. D#2 answers the door gives him his bag and tells him to leave.
It was a TNT moment from here; he says he's forgotten something in my room, he's hidden cash. I nodded to D#2 that it was OK. He walks back to my room and doesn't see me in the kitchen. Something slammed. D#2 runs back to my room and starts walking him back to the front. D#1 sees me. D#1 is drunk and begins to curse me inherently to the devil. FYI, I'm an f'n whore and f'n bitch. He was so intoxicated, I don't think he had any other colorful metaphors to describe me.
D#2 steps up at this time, gives him two options: Leave or be put out. I love my new roommate!! "Dude, look you've got her in a corner. Just call her when your sober. I'll help you get your stuff to your truck."
The two D's leave.
Ten minutes later, they are still outside talking.
D#1 is crying like a baby.
Apparently, he denied all of it. He was never talking to other women, trying to get me patroned up and he never told anyone that I needed to stay with him for his money -- He loves me!!
Friday night started off very normal for me. D#1 was taking me out to go see a local band here in town, one I've seen several times before and was a little nervous about my behavior to come. Never in a million years did I think that D#1's behavior is what I should have worried about.
We get to the bar, he orders shots. "I'm only doing one, babe," I tell him. "I'm driving, k, and I have to work in the morning."
"OK" he answers. The night goes on as normal, we all chat and cut up at the table, dance to the music, have a blast.
Another hour later, more shots. Disrespect. I had met a couple of my friends at this bar and one of my friends and I head to the stage. I didn't want to do anymore shots. A few songs later, I work my way back to the table and find out that D#1 is obliterated. He's not just drunk, he's tore up. I also find out that he's been talking and rubbing up on other women while I've been away.
WTH???
I also find out that he just wants to get me, "Patroned Up," this coming from my friends of course.
Now, before I go any further, let's preface this!
I have known D#1 for three weeks at this point. I'm very turned off by this drunken behavior. I'm turned off by his staggering, wandering, now-grabbing self at this bar where he had balls enough to do this in front of my friends! I'm also extremely disappointed because he had presented himself to be an all-around nice, hard-working guy. He always got the door for me, which I really liked!! I know, cheesy.
I've known my friends much longer. They know more about what I've been through this year than most. They will always be looking out for me; I trust them for that. I understand I'm not the only one who's had a hard time, however, my friends are trying to make sure things don't get harder for me.
So, D#1 goes missing. With my car keys. And I want to go home. Twenty or thirty minutes later, I finally find his swaying self talking to a group of girls at the bar. I brushed into him to let him know I was behind him and he blew me off completely. I still didn't have my keys.
A few minutes later, he finds me, rests his head on my shoulder and starts the passing out process. I have no clue how many he's had by now, but I want to go home and I don't want to take him with me.
"Hey, give me my keys real quick." I held out my hands and he reached in his pocket to pause.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm just headed to the car to get something for K really quick," I answered. I want my keys so I can leave your drunk ass here to go home with some other bitch. I turned to go catch up with K outside for a second and he follows me. He wants to go with me!
"Hey, Babe, you're toasted!" I guided him to a chair. "Sit right here, I'm going to go with for a second, K?"
All he could do was nod. His eyes were glazed over and half shut. His mouth was hanging open and he couldn't stand anymore. For two seconds, I thought about getting him some water but I knew that it was a waste of my time. I also was pissed.
K and I pick up her sister down the street, walk back and we find him completely passed out at this time, in front of the bar. He looked like a conversation piece! We go back inside, party and play some more, have a good time. Meanwhile, I'm texting some of my friends to find out of if they are coming out, find a guy friend to walk me to my car. I knew that D#2 was at home and I really didn't need an escort home, just to my car!
No Luck.
1 am, I left. By myself.
My date was left up front, passed out in a chair with plastic cups thrown on him. Actually, a little bird told me there is a picture of this floating around the internet now!!!LMAO!!!
1:15 am, Roommate gets the d/l. We gather all of D#1's belongings together and make sure he has no reason to come in the apartment when he does make it back.
2 am, D#1 has made it back. D#2 answers the door gives him his bag and tells him to leave.
It was a TNT moment from here; he says he's forgotten something in my room, he's hidden cash. I nodded to D#2 that it was OK. He walks back to my room and doesn't see me in the kitchen. Something slammed. D#2 runs back to my room and starts walking him back to the front. D#1 sees me. D#1 is drunk and begins to curse me inherently to the devil. FYI, I'm an f'n whore and f'n bitch. He was so intoxicated, I don't think he had any other colorful metaphors to describe me.
D#2 steps up at this time, gives him two options: Leave or be put out. I love my new roommate!! "Dude, look you've got her in a corner. Just call her when your sober. I'll help you get your stuff to your truck."
The two D's leave.
Ten minutes later, they are still outside talking.
D#1 is crying like a baby.
Apparently, he denied all of it. He was never talking to other women, trying to get me patroned up and he never told anyone that I needed to stay with him for his money -- He loves me!!
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most. Here we are having a blast and there he goes being a dick.
M, thank you for making my pitiful dating life so nutty!!