Moving Days

The closer the summer comes to an end, the busier it seems to get. Yesterday was a patho test (90! W00t!), today is moving some of my things in with A. Major problem with moving is not knowing where to put all of our things. A has a lot of stuff...

My friends and I were talking the other day about starting a time capsule type deal. Journaling all of our nursing school experiences. When we're all done, we'll sit down together with several bottles of wine and read them out loud and eat tacos!

This summer has been hard, hard, hard. I've never physically felt stress like this before. I was telling A that I didn't understand this at all, considering I've dealt with much bigger monsters and much harder obstacles in the past. That being said, the last three months in Tuscaloosa have been.... different. I'm reluctant to use "depressing". That is far from the truth. But I guess the further I get away from April 27 and the more life goes one, the more I realize that dealing with the storm is much like a grieving process. It's just one of those things everyone deals with differently. I just happen to deal with stresses like that by putting more stress on myself. Makes it easier for me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the horse again.

I guess when I think about it, the physical manifestations of the stress of this summer is probably on par or better than expected. Wish I could have had the 40 lbs weight loss again... Storm, 13 straight days of work, little time off before starting summer 1 nursing school, passing my nursing classes AND working at the same time, moving... It's been a busy summer and full of change!! with change comes beauty like a butterfly

One Pooped Puppy!!

I am feeling a little too drained to write. But I want to write.

I thought I wanted a night to myself and now I'm bored. In my defense, it's been super hectic the last two days! Yesterday at work, I got stranded at a gas station for hours while Habeeb, the manager, kept telling me, "You are too small to drive that big van! Too small! Why do they have such small girl drive such big van!?"

Before Habeeb chided me for driving a huge Econoline, I was fighting with FAFSA about the loss of my grant... at this moment, I just realized that I did NOT get to call back today to find the form I need to fix that... GDMFPOSGD!

Then I got home much later than expected and had a pizza, beer, and packing party with future roommate and a co-worker. We got so much done! Thank God! Now all I need is the key to my new room and to move my clothes. It was very helpful having three sets of hands putting things I know I'm not going to need immediately in a box and moving them to the new apartment as I could. We had fun, too, or at least I did.

Now my "to-do" remaining pretty plastic. I knock a few items off, pack room up, go to Birmingham, wash clothes, and I'm only making room for more things to be added. Go to library, pack for beach, finish the weekend warrior list at work, sleep.

I've got so much going on in such a short period of time that burn out syndrome is really kicking in! I'm so ready for this vacation! More mentally than physically... especially after I had to step on that scale today... I'm so ready to have books, sun, and sand!! A whole week of zero responsibility: home, school, or work! -- OK, ONE responsibility that I didn't get to do today that must be done ASAP!

So after packing, working, moving, driving, waiting, pushing, organizing, recording, digging, fixing, bleeding, arguing, and I can't remember everything else because it's all blurring together, I'm sitting down and enjoying a beer.

I just may sleep tonight...

Resolution and Tension

Safe to say we've resolved our issues from yesterday. Communication works wonders.

Does make me think about how people obsess over things. I'm writing on a table that's brand new and wobbly. Someone needs to get this things exchanged. I am beginning to see how unhealthy it can really be for someone to let one subject consume their every thought. I am seeing how frustrating it is when a friend tries to help them move forward or away from the thought altogether and isn't necessarily ignore, but rather, misunderstood or only just heard.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

I have so many more thoughts on this subject to yada yada yada about but this table is a pest.

Repletion

I have music from Diane Birch. I think I just crawled out from under a rock. I love music.

Why is it that when everything is right in your world, there is nothing to write about? I blame people's obsession with drama. Yet, I still have a lot to write about right now, however, I'm really enjoying keeping some things under my hat. Secrets are fun.

Actually, when I think about what's going on in my life, I can't help but think about where I was a year ago. Time has flown. In a few days, my life legally changed for the better. I hope I haven't taken for granted the new sense of freedom I've had from the past year. It's been a very wild ride! It's had ups and downs and last year hurt like hell but now I can sit down, look at myself, and I'm very proud of the fact that I feel like more of an individual than ever. I have my independence. I move to make Independence Day April 3! It feels so good to be able to not answer to anyone yet at the same time, I can include whomever I want in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and people I can relate to. I'm proud of myself for being able to step away from the people who little by little tear away at the mountain that I stand on now. I allow myself to be only around those that I allow me to be the person I've grown to be and accept all of me.

I would be a fool to miss this magic view - Diane Birch

How's the view?

I would just like to add before this is read that I am in no way directing this piece to one person in particular. It is merely a reflection I observed throughout my day. Should you read this and feel that I am directing this toward you, know that I'm not and merely considered more the reason as to why you think maybe I am. I am just as guilty of letting my bad day tell me what to do. Considering the number of letters and postings I have put up here that do sometimes antagonize people, I thought I should let you know, these are just my rambling thoughts while sipping a hot cup of chocolate...

People are too busy worried about getting their next fix. We're all in some way addicted to drama. We may be addicted to our own or reality TV drama, we may be addicted to our friends or celebrity drama unfolding. We all say we don't care. The reality is that we really do. It feels good to know that we get to be in the know or our drama makes us important. The painful truth of that matter is that other people may not care about our own personal drama but about someone else's.

We're a society so fixed on staying angry, on who wronged us. We're all guilty of it. God knows I am! We wanted the wrongs righted. We want to be able to breathe a sigh that says we championed the villain and slayed the beast the hurt us and kicked us down. The degree of the wrongs or the level rather isn't up to us to interpret, despite the fact that it's our own wrong. We may feel it's completely worth venting and spitting over while others, be it friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or even family, tell us whether or not to worry. Have you ever noticed that we never listen to what others tell us? Repeat it over and over again if you like, the degree to which you worry about it is still up to you while someone else tells you different.

The thing about drama is that we let it control our attitudes to an extent that is unhealthy. Tiger had how many hoes?? He said that to her?? I'm so angry for him!! There's this redundant saying that attitudes are contagious. The fact is that they are. And anyone who's seen Pretty Woman agrees with Julia Roberts: the bad stuff is always easier to believe. Why is that?

Because it hurts us to tell someone the truth about a matter; therefore, it should hurt someone else just as much to tell us the truth about us. In my nearly thirty years of life, this is just something I've noticed to be true in not only my own world but in the world's of my other friend's as well. We all think we're right, and maybe we are. Who's to say that in every argument, both sides are right? There can be two wrongs and there can be two rights. Just because someone calls you fat or a drama addict doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or right. It just means someone else sees something different than you.

When something good happens to us, we rejoice. Have you ever timed how long you were happy about something? When something positive enters our existence, the people in our environment are joyful with us. Have you ever timed how long it took someone else to tell you to calm down your own excitement? How often do we take the time to pass along our positive attitude to others? Better yet, how often have you tried and been shunned for the very idea of trying to make someone smile, even if it was just for a second? I'm guilty of not doing that enough. Sometimes it feels like when I do, I get scolded. Other times, I feel more use for myself when I know I've put a grin on some one's face and their laughter in the air.

Now think about how many times we've had a negative attitude. It's been our own personal, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing can go right. Everything can go wrong. I have been the walking Murphy's law. How often are we guilty of allowing our everyday frustrations control our emotional well being? How often do we discourage those who attempt to make us feel better when they care enough to light up our eyes? I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put down for trying to put me up.

We don't realize what our own attitudes can do to others until it's been done to us. It hurts when someone doesn't realize that you care. It's so much easier for us to pay forward our bad days instead of our good and so much harder for us to appreciate those who want to cast some ray of sunshine on our cloudy, cold day. It doesn't matter if it's a right or wrong, it's a matter of dramatizing our own emotions. We blind ourselves with our own present emotional well-being to the point we can't see what we do to the attitudes of others. When we try, we learn our lesson, and make sure others learn it, too- even if they don't have to. The sad part is that because of that, we kill the potential for a happier society.

In Utopia, the criminals are the people who are raised to steal, cheat, and destroy. They are then punished for the very things that they are taught to do. They never learn to perform any differently. In today's society, the people who pay forward their good deeds are the one's punished for trying to make the unhappy happy. No good deed goes unpunished. I learned that lesson today.

There is no good timing for happiness when anger, hurt, or frustration is involved.

Just as you learned your lesson, I learned mine.

The difference in a positive attitude and a negative one is that the negative gives up while the positive keeps going. Just because someone else doesn't want to smile doesn't mean that I don't. The content inherently want to share their felicity.

Yes, we're addicted to drama. We're addicted to ourselves. Something to remember about the people who want you to smile when you are stressed, hurt, venting, getting over, or stewing over your own drama: those are the people who love you and your drama...no matter how important it really is.

I have my own faults and I have my own drama that I'm guilty of obsessing over too much. The next time someone tries to make me smile, I hope I'm not so blinded I can't remember what it's like from their view. I hope I smile back.

Trevor

Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?

Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?

Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?

Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?

Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?

Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?

Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?

Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...

Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!

I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.

I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...