what's percolating

What a crazy week and weekend it's been!! Hope everyone had a great fourth! Mine was spent on the lake with all of my friends and their children - food and beer included. It was awesome! Until I lost my house keys!! That didn't ruin my weekend, though! The fireworks were great, the water was awesome and I had a blast! Thanks to Dee Ann for having us all over!!

Met a couple of potential roommates as well this weekend. Oh the decisions I will have to make -- but more on that later!!

I have come to a conclusion that I need a list! I have attracted too many weirdos. I'm just a magnet for them. So I'm going to make a list - a big, long, picky list of requirements that a guy has to meet before I can go out on a date with him. Certainly that should nip some of this in the bud!!

I don't particularly care to bitch on here that often. I realize that my thoughts are up here for the world to read. That's probably one of the main reasons I haven't written as much lately -- I just don't want to come across as bitchy but I have to do this...at this point, I'm just frustrated.

Let me start with this: Dating is stupid. Men are stupid. Most men are just boys.

Here's why: guy #1, date a bit, we move in opposite directions, no love lost. Now, ding-dong wants to know why I don't speak to him anymore, if he can come over and "cuddle," and if we can be "special friends." Really?? How about a big fat no when you showed up at my apartment unannounced and when you told me you were at my door at 3 am another time, and really weren't even there?! That is a big fat, "Stay the hell away from me!"

Guy #2, Cool guy, fun to hang around. I love to hang out with him because there is no pressure at all! Pretty open relationship, able to date/see other people, free to hang out with friends, with each other or with each other and our friends. Just a fun person - Until I found out he tried to pick up a friend of mine at that bar...is that jealousy??? Wth???

Guy #3, Total sweetheart. I can't say enough good thing about him. I'm just not ready to give him what he's looking for - despite the fact he still wants it from me. I have to say for a minute that I thought maybe I could try but let me honestly say that I'm so far from that right now. What I need more of right now are friends who are just there for me but allow me my space when I need it.

The reason I bring this up?? Because all of it is unnecessary drama! Every ounce of it! This is why dating is stupid, this is why it's a waste of my time, this is why I didn't want to date to begin with.

I don't understand why things have to be blown out of proportion, why some people just don't take what you say for what it's worth. I don't understand why some people don't understand that no means no. I don't get why men are so...persistent and dead set on making sure the crazy one's are only attracted to me! That's for another time!

And men say women are complicated - I say men complicate women!

I know at least of the three reads this blog, however, I wish all three did. This is my message to them, and yes, to all you guidance counselors, I have said this bluntly, I hate drama. I've had enough drama in my life the last year, to be exact, and I want no more of it. I want to be selfish for once and have me time. I don't have to justify it. I don't have to excuse it. I don't have to explain myself. Quite frankly, it's none of your damned business what I do with my time, and if you don't like it, do what I told you to do in the beginning and move on. I've had enough bullshit to deal with, especially in the last six months, and quite frankly, your bullshit is not even close to the hell I've been through.

Don't bring drama into my home and expect me to pet your ego. Don't take things so seriously. If you can't, find someone else who finds it just as important as you do...I don't want your drama.

Yesterday was just one of those long days. Everyone seemed to be in the Monday funk. And that Monday funk started, for me, when we had to put out keys (which are another story in of itself, entirely!)

The keys had been put in a box. No big deal. We all sorted out the mess and marched outside and started locating cars. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. At least, not until we got to the Sonatas.

Just to let you know, some trims levels are a lot, A LOT, more popular than others. Those others may sit there a minute and sometimes a light may have been left on, a door ajar, something that has run the battery down. So we had to jump off a few Sonatas. No big deal.

Right. No big deal til I got to lift the hood on the white one with an f'n wasps nest in it!!!

I don't know if you know this about me or not...I am deathly afraid of those things.

So D comes to the rescue and puts the charger on the car while I'm in the driver's seat, freaking out! The only thing I could think of was to leave the door open in case on of those pointed-ass bastards came through an air vent!

All of a sudden, D, who is a nice size dude, starts screaming, "Crank it already!! I'm going to get stung!!"

Ohhhh yeah.... I forgot you were over there!!

I've been wanting to write this one for awhile.

Several weeks back, my friends threw me a "Freedom Party," for lack of a better term.

I had just found out that my divorce was final and was ex tactic! Free! Free!! Free!!! After several months of unending headaches, I finally was divorced. So we celebrated at a local bar in town where a band was playing.

The band, who is coming to town again soon and I can't wait to go see again, found out that I was newly single. At the same time, in the bar with us was a bachelorette party. Now, this is the part of the evening that, yes, is a bit groggy. A bit, a bit.

I was dressed in a black shirt and tight jeans. The stress I've been through has done wonders for the body, I tell you! My friend, who threw this party for me, was wearing nothing but a bra/vest type deal and even tighter jeans. Hate her...she pulled it off!!! Up on the stage we're pulled, shots being passed around everywhere.

I look over to my right and on stage with me is this poor, pitiful looking bride. I wanted to slap sense into her like someone should have done to me. My friend grabbed the microphone, screamed, "DON'T DO IT!" as the innocent was being introduced. She looked so happy; taking advantage of the last thread of wild in her. The crowd gave a clap while she raised her drink and spun around, holding the clumsy veil on her head.

I thought, "You look like you're about to be sacrificed." Meanwhile, I heard my name called.

"And this girl, ladies and gentlemen, very big night for her. While the other girl is getting married next week, Stephanie, is celebrating her divorce!!!" The next thing I know, the room is going A.P.E.S.H.I.T!!!! More drinks are being passed around, someone is dancing with me onstage, I'm getting high fives and congratulations...

It was crazy!!

Finally, I get back to my table after the journey of high fives and shots. How I hadn't fallen in my high heels is beyond me.

About that time, a very tall guy comes our way. I knew for certain he headed for my friend. I brushed him off until he sat next to me and leaned in.

"Crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah," I was pretty shy about meeting new people. Give me a break. It'd been a few months but meeting people in a bar was definitely not on my top ten things to do. "It's good to get out and have some fun, tho!!"

He had on a ball cap and a pressed polo shirt. His crooked little smile made his eyes sparkle a bit. But it was very dark, making out his face again would be difficult. I looked down and started playing with my phone.

"Hey, I like that phone!" He pointed to my toy. "Can I see it a sec?"

"Uh, sure?"

"So, are you from here?"

"Not originally."

He looked up from my phone a moment, "You don't sound southern."

"Well, I am...just not good with the accent!" I laughed. Sometimes I tend to sound a bit Yankee. I get made fun of for it, too.

"Well, I just put my number in your phone. Text me sometime!"

What the hell?!

Just to make things more awkwardly hysterical, one of the persons in the previous post has a blog, and it took two clicks from my blog to find her!!

Does that mean it will take two clicks from her page to find me??

This week has been filled with nothing but awkward moments. Two in particular that left the room filled with that silent moment where everyone was looking at the elephant in the room.

Recently, about once a week, I've been meeting my friend Heather for coffee. I love Heather. She is one of the sweetest, most genuine people in the world. She's probably the best friend a person could have! During one of our weekly coffee jaunts, she mentioned her study group was starting a movie study. It would begin Tuesday and the girls would watch Fried Green Tomatoes. I love that movie! Bud-dyyyy!!! Can't watch it and not cry.

Tuesday, she picks me up and we go to her friends house. We were early (yes, it is in writing that I was early somewhere) and one other woman came in shortly after us.

I didn't pay her much attention, other than our hairstyles were quite similar. Lots of waves, shoulder length and hers was red. She was older than me and had a welcoming face.

"Stephanie, this is Kristen, she's my attorney," Heather introduced.

Bell is ringing.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you. What's your firm?"

"Kristen Love," she answered. DING DING DING DING

Stephanie, don't say what you're about to say!! "I thought you looked familiar! You're one of the first attorneys I visited when I was getting my divorce!"

Doh!!!

Last night capped my "Insert Foot Here" moments when an old co-worker came into town for a visit.

Not having seen my friend in months, I really wanted to go out with everyone to go get a drink and catch up. At some point, we landed at The Booth, where an acquaintance was having her birthday party. I don't know her very well, I used to work with her late brother. However, I did frequent her salon to get my hair done, and that's where I was introduced to one of my favorite hairstylists ever.

If you're not a girl, you don't understand. Let me give you an idea. Hair is expensive. Thick hair like mine is even more expensive to cut and color. I don't go often and am always looking for someone who can do a good job for less than $50. It's very difficult to find. Until I met Jennifer who does an awesome job and under $50! She rocks! I also liken it breaking up with someone when I leave a good hair stylist. I didn't tell Rachel I wasn't going to see her anymore.

Whilst sipping my beer, I looked over my shoulder, and hear, "Why did you stop seeing me?!!!"

Shit! "I was broke?"

I have advice for you. If you are instructed to take any sleep medication called Ambien, take it exactly as prescribed. In fact, if your doctor gives you a prescription, as for a lower dose! Then, follow his directions very closely; never stray. It's vital that you never go more than two months between dosages as well. The results can be rather...embarrassing.

I had a long weekend. It was an awesome, fantastic weekend. It was Mother's Day! I had family time, friend time, social activities! I even sold half a car! It was a very pleasant and memorable weekend.

It was also tiring, and I don't have the best time sleeping and staying asleep these days. That is why I have Ambien.

I don't like this medication. It works, I sleep, however, I wake up feeling like I am a bottle of whiskey rather than having had a full nights sleep. Also, I've heard of the nightmares that can happen while on this drug. From people talking to walls, sleepwalking, even driving somewhere while asleep! I make sure to take it when I can devote more than 9 hours to sleep!

That was last night. I had 9 hours to sleep, despite the few hours left until the beginning of my work week. At 8:45 pm, I took my little white pill, made sure my door was locked, hid my keys, grabbed my dog and laid in the bed. At 6:00 am this morning, I woke up, groggy and hung over, and looked through my phone for any missed messages. I didn't remember much of the previous night, however, my friend, M, did. This is what I found out:

Usual morning text to M, "Good Morning!"

M: Good Morning! How was your Ambien sleep?

Me: Uhh..Good? Slept hard, lots of dreams!

Oh shit! I talked in my sleep!

Me: OMG I TALKED IN MY SLEEP DIDN'T I??!

M: Yes. You did.

Me: About what??

M: Mardi Gras, archbishops, fishing. U said the room was crowded with people in mardi gras costumes. U likd the white padded and crystal rooms.

Me: Fishing!!?

M: You said Ambien had a little car that took you from room to room and you want to find the cyrstal room again.

M: The xmen were hanging banners and wanted 2 b treated normal, the guy in the chair wouldn't stop staring at u, there were 2 kids playing b ball, ne going fishin

M: People on the mountain singing, u were at Target, you couldn't get Ambien's car started...

Me: I'm so embarrassed!

M: Don't be!

Me: Why didn't you hang up on me?!

M: You were cute and you said that you didn't want me to hang up!

Me: LMAO! I was obviously asleep! I'd have never known!! How long did I talk???

M: An hour.

I have come to the conclusion that this blog is not possible without me being honest about the events in my life. That doesn't mean I have to give you any details, however, that does mean that all the good stories I have to write end up, in some way or another, revolving around a major event in my life.

That leaves me no choice but to admit a major and personal piece of information to you I care not to go into detail about, nor ever will I.

Let me keep it simple by saying that I am now divorced and happier than I ever thought possible.

I hate it for you if you like the really juicy shit. That won't fit on the blog...Blogger's server isn't big enough!

Did you know the Blue Angels were in town? If you live in Alabama and didn't know that, welcome back from under that rock you've been living underneath. It has been a very fun week in Tuscaloosa! Always something flying over!

Except for the Blue Angels...

I've been teased all week long. You can hear them, but where I work, you can' see them! So many of my friends send me texts:

Friend #1: I just saw the Blue Angels fly over!!

Me: Oh! Awesome! I can hear them, too! Maybe they'll fly over the dealership soon!

Friend #1: Well they scared [Child] to death! They are loud! I didn't know what it was!!

Me: O I hope 2 c them soon!! Tell them to fly over here!

Friend #2: The Blue Angels are practicing over my building!!

Me: Oh neat! Wat r they doin? I'm going 2 c them Sun! Can't wait!

Friend #2: Flying upside down!! You should go Sat! It's going 2 b beautiful!

Me: Can't. Have 2 work. Chance of rain down for Sun, tho.

Friend #2: They are flying so low you can see the pilot! They just waved!

Another friend of mine from work went on Saturday, too. It was a beautiful day yesterday! The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, you could hear the planes, people were everywhere in Tuscaloosa. My friend correctly predicted this would happen. When James Spann says "storms" in the forecast, people duck and run. Storms are in the forecast for today...

So while my friend was hanging out at the airport, grilling out, drinking a beer at Tuscaloosa's small airport Saturday - on the most beautiful day we've had in weeks - I was working, waiting impatiently for my turn to see the much heard of Blue Angels!

I wake up this morning, fix my coffee, sit down with dog, turn on the computer and enjoy the silent hum it makes while it boots. Then, a familiar sound of thunder starts to rumble. Are the planes already coming in? It's a little early... Then a huge flash of light, a loud clap of thunder and the April showers start.

I can't listen to the Blue Angels all week and NOT see them.

Gates open in one hour and 39 minutes. It's not raining near like it was earlier...but given the slight chance that it could continue, I'm going to have to demand that the Blue Angels and all other stunt and show planes fly today. I feel like I'm being teased... Safety? What safety! A little rain never hurt people jumping out of planes with parachutes!!!

If you have anything Pampered Chef, then you know what a Micro Cooker is. If you don't, let me define it.

Micro Cooker: God's gift to the cooking impaired.
Cooking Impaired: Me!

I cook everything in my micro cooker! EVERYTHING! Chicken, rice, you name it! It's the cooker to end all cookers!!
And it's dirty.

This morning, I was in a rush and didn't really have to thoroughly clean my micro cooker but I really wanted chicken to go on my salad for lunch. It was a quarrel amongst myself. Clean the micro cooker or bake the chicken; and both took too long!

Last night, I marinated my chicken, I tenderized my chicken. I had it ready to go!! And all I had to do was put it in the micro cooker. It's just this black plastic bowl with a lid - I thought surely my corningwear would substitute just fine!

So, into the microwave it went. I shut the door and punched in the buttons; 10-12 minutes should do. I'll check on it at the 11 mark.

I ran back into the bathroom to finish getting ready for work. My hair dryer has been sparky lately and my hair takes a lot longer to dry than it has before, so I never knew it when I was way past minute 12...until I smelled the smoke.

By now I was dressed for work and running late. I saw the smoke billowing from the microwave. Not again I thought. I pulled open the black machine to find the entire inside of my microwave caked in marinade. Lying on the now crusty glass was my chicken, not a third the size it used to be, charcoal black.

Lesson I learned? I only catch things on fire at my apartment. Evidence that it's not me - it's the apartment!!!

And for all of you who asked on my Twitter and Facebook pages, THAT is how you set chicken on fire!

So, I'm a terrible blogger.

Maybe not terrible, but not habitual like I used to be.

There is a reason for it. Are you going to get that reason? Not right now - though it would open up the door for me to write MANY more stories!

There are so many things I've needed to have been writing recently. Most of them I can't at this present time. Life is too hectic. But it does calm down. Some other things, goals, I want to write about and can't because it would compromise other positions. That makes me sound like a spy!! Cool!! Let's just say that in several months, this blog is going to read like a sick romance novel!!

I'll get Fabio to pose for the header!!!