The Home Stretch

Friday afternoon feels so far away but it is so close. I will have survived my first semester in upper division.

This has been exhausting. I've had a lot of unnecessary stress during this time, so I'm sure that hasn't helped my experience any. However, I still have loved every second of being there.

Currently, I have 12 chapters of material to make sure I know backwards, forwards, inside, and out by Thursday at 8 am. Who's idea was that time?? I'm not just physically exhausted, I'm mentally exhausted. I can barely focus on anything. I just have to pull that last little bit of energy out of me to make it and then Friday night, it's me, a bottle of wine, netflix, the cat, and maybe a pizza.

The pizza is only if I can get the magically disappearing $300 back from Kangaroo and Raceway. Somehow, I purchased $300 worth of gas at these stations. McQueen doesn't hold that much gas, in fact, it only holds approximately $28 worth at a time, and I most certainly do not have $300 worth of gas in canisters somewhere. Just more unwanted stress I have to handle. I'm going to have to skip the test review in the morning to go to the bank and not only change my address but alert them to fraud on my account and fill out whatever I need to get my moneys back. Thank God I have a good bank (knock on wood) and I feel confident I'm going to get my $300 back. It's just a scary thing to realize that you are holding your debit card and somehow, not one but two gas stations have added additional charges to your card even after you cleared your information from the pump. At least the old apartment officially released me from my lease and I'll be getting back more than what was stolen in the event working with my bank or whoever proves difficult. I just pray it doesn't consume my whole two weeks off.

Notice how late I'm up? Yeah, that's because I no longer work the morning shift. In fact, this girl is on sabbatical... I guess you can call it that... maybe more like semi-sabbatical. I'm only helping out on an as needed basis so I can recharge before semester 2. This is why I saved my money up before it was stolen: so I can relax!

One box at a time

Trying to get my things unpacked and I just couldn't help myself...

Sometimes life tells you different

Patho exam today, I have to keep this brief!

Say a little prayer for me today and this week. Not only do I have a patho exam on two functional systems of the human body that don't really peak my interest, but I may have also found a person to sublease my apartment! This would fantastic! No more roommates!! No more bitches!

Where am I going, you ask?

Well... after much thought and consideration, A and I are going to live together. Hoorah! We didn't really want to take this step for awhile, considering it's before the two year mark for us to discuss the future. However, current living situations in hell have made us rethink and revisit our position on that. This is why they're bitches. That being said, I'm excited! I was pretty nervous at first about this idea. It's something I swore I would never do again. However, as we settle in, it's very natural. People keep saying, "Steph, it's been two weeks." To that I say, "Right. And before we made it 'official,' I was there all the time anyway. Now I'm just moving stuff out of the storage unit with roommates."

Now I get to have my awesome bed back!!! OK, enough excitement, I have to get back to the patho...

I'd get married again just to not have a roommate

My Internet crapped out after the storm. It's not in my name so I told the roommate, J, who has the bill for the Internet. It became pulling teeth to find out if anything was getting done. Bottom line, because I don't feel like telling all the details, I asked her to get it fixed or just reimburse me my money since I'd paid her for the full summer. I was put off, given excuses, told she didn't have money since she lost her job from the storm, somebody had to do this, somebody had to do that... It was getting super tiresome and I'm too old for this shit.

So... when she posted on her facebook that she was going to the bars (after the cruise she took after she lost her job, after she claimed her sibling that doesn't live with her on her income taxes and after she told me she didn't have any money to pay reimburse me), A posted something about her and money and Internet and I don't know...

and then she started calling.... and calling... until I answered.

She was irrational and telling me what I needed to tell "my boyfriend" to do and to delete and I'm thinking... wtf... and tell her calm down and wtf? Then I lit into her. First about getting the damn Internet fixed and that this had gone on long enough. Second about whatever between her and A was staying between her and A because he is his own individual and is autonomous.

Then the best thing happened: she took me off of facebook so I couldn't even see what was said! Darn.

So I sent her this message:

Well I went to check and see what Adam had said to make you so angry and I see that you have unfriended me. To be perfectly honest I don't care. I know that I can't help you with this kind of behavior.

Creating this much drama over me telling you I couldn't connect to the Internet is just irrational and ridiculous. I find stuff like this insultingly juvenile and petty. The thing that I hate is that when I tried to talk to you like an adult, you had to get irrational they way you did. And not only on the phone this evening but even in the apartment when you asked me to stop sending you Facebook messages. This type of behavior is extremely immature. There is absolutely no reason for any drama to be brought into this issue. I honestly feel that you were looking for something to be upset with me over and the fact that I tried to be cooperative and courteous insulted you. That makes absolutely no sense. I wish I knew what I have done to make you so incredibly angry with me. I've always been open to making things right with people, especially if I've wronged them. You're an adult. I expected better out of you.

I am not expecting you to respond to this message, and honestly I don't want you to. I'm relieved that I won't have any financial ties to you in the apartment, as well, especially after the way you behaved with me on the phone and in the apartment. I'm relieved to not have to worry about unnecessary drama. I regret that the resolution of you giving me back my $29 didn't come sooner so that I could have made other arrangements for Internet connection. I hope one day you can look back and see how petty and stupid this argument is.

I'm not percolating

As you may already know, I'm Methodist and it's Lent. This means I had to give up something. Something that's a sacrifice. None of this giving up Lent for Lent stuff! So I gave up....coffee! *Dum-Dum-DUMMMMMMMM!!!!*

I know... shocker.... Mum said, "You really went with the sacrifice this year!"

Just to be clear, I gave up coffee, not caffiene, or else I would be leading the assualt for the UN in Libya right now and probably be dead. Today is marking the start of the second full week and two things were not what I expected them to be:
1. I didn't take into account that daylight saving time began the first Sunday after Lent. Fail.
2. I thought hot tea would be supplement enough. Not really.

I drive past a Starbucks now and drool like a rabid dog.

In other news, so far I have saved approximately $130.... #winning

babababababa

I have the worst case of ADD today. Bad, bad timing! Last week was dead week, this week is finals. I feel like I'm so close to the end of a marathon and don't have enough strength to make it to the end!

It's so cold outside today. My original plan was to move into the library yesterday, today, and tomorrow. However, I'm so cozy in my holy pajama pants and my hot tea, I think I'll stay home with my books. I'm only leaving the house for Sitar Sunday. :) Today, I'm full of statistics, maybe I'll look at some Anthropology, and probably some Microbiology. The latter is by far my favorite class this semester.

This semester was pretty stressful. I had what should have been an interesting and easy class turned into a nightmare. I think I'm always going to have the one class in a semester that is a bigger headache than it should be. That will always leave me with zero free time and extra stress.

Dear A,

Thank you for your patience this semester, especially the last few weeks when I've wanted to blow away the crazyanthrowoman.

I love you

Now back to going, going, going, going, going, Sitar, going, going, going, going...

PS. Los Torascos has been replaced as my favorite restaurant. Shocker!!

Not enough hours in the day

What the hell is Microsoft Access?? I have no clue!

I'm working on these modules for my CS class and laughing so hard I hurt at the lucky guesses I'm making. The power was out at my apartment complex for... oh all night, and so I'm waayyyy behind on getting things done! I have a research project to do, a CS test on Access (that I haven't got a clue what it's point is for...I mean, Excel's not complicated enough?? Or good enough for that matter??), a coffee date Yay! Coffee!!, and A's parents are coming to town. Not to mention I have to be in bed early so I can get up at 4 am OR find somewhere in this madness to get a nap.

Dear God, please let it stop raining when it's time for me to peddle my happy self home. That's a long ride in the rain...

In other news, I'm running, but I'm gimp. I will not let an injury stop me from running another Mercedes!

Where's my heart rate?

Fall Break.

W00t!

How it's spent? Last night, had a party to shoot. Started off pretty easy, then turned challenging when it moved indoors and it was dark and I couldn't see to manually focus the lens. The camera couldn't see to automatically focus, either. I had a lot of hit and misses. Now I know where I need to work on my skills. Today, I have another shoot, hence the Senior portrait rant earlier. Then it's back to work to record weekend programming and remotes. Then it's me, myself, and movies! Maybe a book. Or maybe I'll be responsible and see what schoolwork I can catch up on.

I'm kind of glad to have a little time to myself. It's been really hectic lately. The marathon of tests I had the last two weeks, work, shoots, birthday parties, games, school, and the list goes on and on and on... pant pant pant It's insane! Fortunately, all the hard work and effort is paying off. Aced my Stats test, 96 on Micro, 89 on CS, and 85 on Anthro. I survived!

And the Sitar was good!

Tomorrow, we're celebrating my nephew's 2nd birthday! He's such a big man! Scratch free time activities, I have to make A's and my Halloween costumes for party...

I finally fixed him Shepard's Pie

I can bitch about stress all I want to but I have to remember one thing: I'm very blessed. I have a lot of supportive people in my life, a lot of people who love me and want to see me do well.

More importantly, I'm happy.

I have the most amazing person with me who makes me smile. Every time I feel stressed, I can just be around him and forget about it. It is so nice to have someone who loves me just as me. Not for what I can do for him. He doesn't want me to do anything for him. He doesn't want me to be anybody else. He doesn't talk down to me, he is always so positive and loving, he's supportive, and believes in me. He is respectful and not demanding. He listens and communicates instead of shuts down during even the simplest of conversations.

I have found the perfect man! SCORE!!

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I don't talk much about my previous marriage, and honestly, I don't want to. I was one of the more fortunate women. I just want any woman (or man) in any abusive relationship to know that you're better than that, and if you have kids, they're better than that! There's help! I know that it's not as simple as packing a bag to leave, but there is freedom from an abusive relationship!

Get Help: http://dvam.vawnet.org/

Show support: http://twibbon.com/cause/Speak-Out-Domestic-Violence/

I'm so thankful to God that I have A now. He's shown me that is still good in people, and I love his huge heart. I hope he knows just how much he's helped me heal.

Who's Blonde?

So I decided to change my hair color! It was random. I've always wanted to see what I would look like as a brunette and got a wild hair up my ass and decided to try it.

So last week I bought a bottle of hair color. However, I should've consulted someone who's colored hair before consider I've never colored my own hair. What's helpful to know is that when one has a lot of hair (like I do) sometimes, one bottle of Garnier is not enough! Sometimes when you have thick, long locks (like I do), you require TWO bottles to get the job done.

And as brilliant as I am, I decided to get this wild hair at 10 o'clock at night.

So when my roommates come in to see what I'm doing, one mentions, "Is that enough hair color??"

"Uhhh...."

"Stephanie, you need more hair color..."

My hair was only half way saturated when the bottle emptied. So while one roommate and I were stretching the color as far as it would go, the other two roommates were trying to find a place in town that was still open and had my hair color...

There wasn't a place open that also had my hair color. Big fat zero in that part of the Venn Diagram. So while Auburn was making their undeserving comeback in overtime against Clemson (oh so close!), I was rinsing hair color out of my hair for the second time this week. And that is why I love my friend, T, because she helped me put $20 worth of hair color in my hair to make it much darker than before, and I think A is happy with it, too. Yay, for happy endings!

Fridays my brain is fried

I've found a bit of free time to kind of catch up on the going ons...

Those would be...

Oh yeah... school's back in session so my days go a little something like this: Wake up, brush teeth, bike to school, go to class, bike home, go to work, go to study, and sleep somewhere in there. I did, however, for the first time this semester, turn on my TV last night and actually watch it! I Auburn beat Mississippi State, which, if you're a friend of mine, you already knew that so I didn't really keep you abreast of anything new.

Meanwhile, I baked brownies and shamelessly painted my nails houndstooth, which I'm quite proud of! See, not much going on in my life right now, it's quite boring.

I will say that I have become addicted to podcasts! Thanks, DrSxDP! I have found one in particular that I absolutely love; it's called Edinburgn Man and it's all Indie music, which I've become exceptionally fond of. It's not one of those hour long podcasts and he actually plays you the whole song (unlike other music podcasts I've found) and he's pretty interesting to listen to. Love the accent. It's a great download if you are looking for some fresh music. Meanwhile, the Engadget podcast... not so good. Don't get that one.

Looking forward to tomorrow! I will be at the game! I told my grandmother I will be holding up a sign for that reads, "I'm right here, Meme!" Roll Tide!

Welcome back to stress

I had this idea at the beach. I would start using OneNote to write my blogs and then just upload all of them to Blogger when I got back home. I haven't done that yet. Today's my first day back at work and I got really tired of waiting for iPhone to catch up with my typing speed on my Blogger app. Damn new update... I ended up writing ONE entry and I'll post that later.

In the end, the vacation was awesome!

I got home to a disaster, though. My patio furniture was stolen, I moved my stuff from upstairs to downstairs without a place to live since I STILL didn't have a key with hours left before I HAD to be out of the old room... My apartment management is awful! They even put me in the wrong room! So after I got permission to move my stuff, I find out I'm supposed to be in a different room THEY ASSIGNED early, despite my request MONTHS ago for the room I wanted. That office management came scarily close to seeing me lose my temper. Thank God A was there to keep me calm.

The best part about coming back home so far is the welcoming hug I got from A when I got home. I love being held that tight. I missed him.

Now I must get back to work... Corporate day...

Just warming up...

It's not even noon yet, as I write this, and I have so many tactless opinions to vomit currently it's not funny. Maybe I'm talking to you, maybe I'm not. Bottom line: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I've collectively had about 12 hours of sleep the last three days; I'm in a bad mood.

• Don't tell me that I'm under review, that I have to turn in an unknown document by Saturday or get an automatic one on my review, and then not reply to my question of WTF the document is and what I need to do SINCE I'M OFF THE REST OF THE WEEK!

• Roommates: Clean up after yourselves. Some of you live like filthy pigs. It's disgusting! I get dust bunnies, I get scraps of paper left on the floor. I'm not cleaning up your dishes anymore, I'm not paying for you to use my toilet paper, I don't want your chicken juice on my food when it's thawing, I don't want the bacteria you let fester in the kitchen near me! If the dishwasher is clean and you have a dirty dish, empty the fucking dishwasher. Simple. Takes three minutes. Then put your dirty dish in. If the dish washer's full, start it! If you wash your clothes, please be considerate of others who need to wash their clothes; don't leave a load in the washer the night before you leave on a week long trip to somewhere. You're clothes are going to mildew cause they're just going to sit on top of the dryer, wet, until you come home. We cohabitate! Be considerate! And when you take the garbage out, put another bag in the damn can! Takes two seconds! I bought the damn bags, use them!

• Political activists on the Right and Left: SHUT UP! All of you! Right side: I didn't vote for him either but remember how the last 8 years all you said was, "We should support our President even if we didn't vote for him"? Yeah, waffle if you like, I was in political talk radio then, I've got it on tape. You said it, now act on it. He's you're President, support him. You don't have to like him, you don't have to agree with him, but he is your President now. Left side: I haven't said anything negative, I haven't said he needed to be impeached, I'm quite the moderate now as I get older so, quite frankly, you're not going to sway me either way. Please don't be like the Right for the last 8 years and rubbing in that their man's in a leadership position. Both sides: GROW UP! How many years have we been protesting, starting activist groups, leading campaigns against this and lobbying for that? Put active thought into that question, consider all of the rallies, protests, and petitions you can think of. --- I'll wait.----------Now that you've put some real thought (hopefully) into old and new political war cries, how many have actually worked without voting in the person to put into action? So instead of complaining how bad our economy is and whining about who put us in that situation, how about going back to work, be productive, make money, PUT THE MONEY BACK IN THE ECONOMY and make an active effort to fix our financial problems. Stop sitting on your funds because you're afraid. It takes spending it to get the economy moving again. It's how the system is designed to work. Tea Party People: You're just crazy to think anything is going to reform there. Yeah, just get over you're ideas. Stop saying they governments after your pelf when you know that majority of you (not 100%, but majority) are of the upper-middle class and say you're now live in poverty because of the economy. Taxes aren't going any where, they aren't going to be reformed in the near future unless we get a President elected who has the support to move the Fair Tax system.

• Coworkers: I can't work on Thursdays. I never ask for Saturdays off. Stop asking me to swap my A-day with you. It's not happening. I can't work Thursdays. It requires me to be in two places at once. I can't physically do that. Write it on a post it note, put it in your phone, tattoo it on your hand, put it somewhere you can remember to look. I've been there a year now, you've each asked on more than one occasion; the answer will always be no! Not on Thursdays, not right now. I will let you know when and if that should change!

Side note: I'm listening to Beethoven's Symphony 9: IV and it's getting me more charged for my vent. I haven't sipped my coffee while I've been writing this.

• The average Tweeter: Read the links before you post the story with your opinion in 140 characters or less. I'm annoyed with the number of people reading titles, assuming they know what the article is about, putting a little opinion about it next to the bity link, and submitting. Do you have any idea how stupid you look when people actually go read the link and find out that you're opinion has zero relation to the article you posted? I should unfollow you.

• Parents: Teach your damn children how to drive better! I'm a biker, I follow the same traffic laws as automobiles. That means you treat me the same way as a automobile. I am on a vehicle. I yield for you at yield signs, you yield for me. I stop for you, you stop for me. I will stay on the sidewalks as much as possible but three different teenagers almost committed manslaughter yesterday while I was heading to and from home. What makes me nervous is that teens follow their parents behaviors; you probably don't pay attention to pedestrians and bikers either. I just hope you have good insurance and don't kill me. DrSxDP will be pissed.

That being said,

• Pedestrians: USE THE SIDEWALK AND CROSSWALKS! If you jump out in front of my bike or car in a parking lot when I'm going 5 mph and flip me off for not stopping before you do so, you are jaywalking. I'm not psychic, I don't have x-ray vision. That's why I'm going 5mph! If I'm on my bike, or if you are around any biker for that matter, don't stand still in the bike path and look at us funny when we have to slam on our brakes from hitting you. Stupid twats, you almost deserve to be hit by a car. My insurance isn't that good, though, so you're lucky around me. Though, the mood I'm in today, jump out in front me and I may speed up!

• Some friends in particular that you already know who you are and I don't have to point you out because I've already given you my two cents on your predicament(s): If you aren't going to take my advice, please stop venting to me about how you don't know how to handle something or your life is in the shitter. I am your friend and will always be there for you, however, I will not tolerate pity parties when I've already told you how to handle a problem and you refuse to do it or listen. Honestly, for some of my friends more than others, I'm honestly concerned about how adamant you are about continuing your self-deprecation. You do not live in Shittown unless you want to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get back on again. But remember the definition of insanity it doing the same thing over and over again. You want to stay out of Shittown? Stop focusing on the things you can't control and focus on the things you can. When you control what should be organic, you create side effects like what you're experiencing now. Stop trying and let life happen naturally. Because I love you, I'm not listening to it anymore. It may be tough love, and it may hurt, but I don't like seeing you in the place you're in right now. It's time to start accepting the changes in life and going with things instead of manipulating them

• Internet Service Provider: Get off you're lazy ass and fix my connection problems already! Geez, it's old having to swap between all of your routers every five minutes!

I feel a good bit better now. God, I love writing...

This is what a rut looks like

I'm burned out.

I've had so much going on lately that I'm just burnt on nearly everything. A sabbatical would be nice. If only... Work...ugh...work #2...hate corporate America...Where's my free time?

I must have Spring fever. That's what I'll diagnose myself with. I'm seeing these beautiful days of the season casting this happy sunshine over everything and I'm envious of the ones who get to frolic in it. I hate admitting it because I don't mean to complain but I'm finding it more difficult to push through this rut until I can really enjoy some me time.

I'm having to be my own personal cheerleader presently. I can do this. I can make it. My efforts aren't in vain. Miracles happen everyday, you've been blessed in every situation of need so far, Steph, God won't forget you this time, either. The truth is, I know I can do this, I know I can make it. I just hate the disheartening part when things can't or don't go as planned so that I can also frolic in the sun and play with my friends.

So if you see me about going chugga-chugga-choo-choo, I'm just building up my spirit for my next big hurdle.

Repletion

I have music from Diane Birch. I think I just crawled out from under a rock. I love music.

Why is it that when everything is right in your world, there is nothing to write about? I blame people's obsession with drama. Yet, I still have a lot to write about right now, however, I'm really enjoying keeping some things under my hat. Secrets are fun.

Actually, when I think about what's going on in my life, I can't help but think about where I was a year ago. Time has flown. In a few days, my life legally changed for the better. I hope I haven't taken for granted the new sense of freedom I've had from the past year. It's been a very wild ride! It's had ups and downs and last year hurt like hell but now I can sit down, look at myself, and I'm very proud of the fact that I feel like more of an individual than ever. I have my independence. I move to make Independence Day April 3! It feels so good to be able to not answer to anyone yet at the same time, I can include whomever I want in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and people I can relate to. I'm proud of myself for being able to step away from the people who little by little tear away at the mountain that I stand on now. I allow myself to be only around those that I allow me to be the person I've grown to be and accept all of me.

I would be a fool to miss this magic view - Diane Birch

How's the view?

I would just like to add before this is read that I am in no way directing this piece to one person in particular. It is merely a reflection I observed throughout my day. Should you read this and feel that I am directing this toward you, know that I'm not and merely considered more the reason as to why you think maybe I am. I am just as guilty of letting my bad day tell me what to do. Considering the number of letters and postings I have put up here that do sometimes antagonize people, I thought I should let you know, these are just my rambling thoughts while sipping a hot cup of chocolate...

People are too busy worried about getting their next fix. We're all in some way addicted to drama. We may be addicted to our own or reality TV drama, we may be addicted to our friends or celebrity drama unfolding. We all say we don't care. The reality is that we really do. It feels good to know that we get to be in the know or our drama makes us important. The painful truth of that matter is that other people may not care about our own personal drama but about someone else's.

We're a society so fixed on staying angry, on who wronged us. We're all guilty of it. God knows I am! We wanted the wrongs righted. We want to be able to breathe a sigh that says we championed the villain and slayed the beast the hurt us and kicked us down. The degree of the wrongs or the level rather isn't up to us to interpret, despite the fact that it's our own wrong. We may feel it's completely worth venting and spitting over while others, be it friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or even family, tell us whether or not to worry. Have you ever noticed that we never listen to what others tell us? Repeat it over and over again if you like, the degree to which you worry about it is still up to you while someone else tells you different.

The thing about drama is that we let it control our attitudes to an extent that is unhealthy. Tiger had how many hoes?? He said that to her?? I'm so angry for him!! There's this redundant saying that attitudes are contagious. The fact is that they are. And anyone who's seen Pretty Woman agrees with Julia Roberts: the bad stuff is always easier to believe. Why is that?

Because it hurts us to tell someone the truth about a matter; therefore, it should hurt someone else just as much to tell us the truth about us. In my nearly thirty years of life, this is just something I've noticed to be true in not only my own world but in the world's of my other friend's as well. We all think we're right, and maybe we are. Who's to say that in every argument, both sides are right? There can be two wrongs and there can be two rights. Just because someone calls you fat or a drama addict doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or right. It just means someone else sees something different than you.

When something good happens to us, we rejoice. Have you ever timed how long you were happy about something? When something positive enters our existence, the people in our environment are joyful with us. Have you ever timed how long it took someone else to tell you to calm down your own excitement? How often do we take the time to pass along our positive attitude to others? Better yet, how often have you tried and been shunned for the very idea of trying to make someone smile, even if it was just for a second? I'm guilty of not doing that enough. Sometimes it feels like when I do, I get scolded. Other times, I feel more use for myself when I know I've put a grin on some one's face and their laughter in the air.

Now think about how many times we've had a negative attitude. It's been our own personal, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing can go right. Everything can go wrong. I have been the walking Murphy's law. How often are we guilty of allowing our everyday frustrations control our emotional well being? How often do we discourage those who attempt to make us feel better when they care enough to light up our eyes? I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put down for trying to put me up.

We don't realize what our own attitudes can do to others until it's been done to us. It hurts when someone doesn't realize that you care. It's so much easier for us to pay forward our bad days instead of our good and so much harder for us to appreciate those who want to cast some ray of sunshine on our cloudy, cold day. It doesn't matter if it's a right or wrong, it's a matter of dramatizing our own emotions. We blind ourselves with our own present emotional well-being to the point we can't see what we do to the attitudes of others. When we try, we learn our lesson, and make sure others learn it, too- even if they don't have to. The sad part is that because of that, we kill the potential for a happier society.

In Utopia, the criminals are the people who are raised to steal, cheat, and destroy. They are then punished for the very things that they are taught to do. They never learn to perform any differently. In today's society, the people who pay forward their good deeds are the one's punished for trying to make the unhappy happy. No good deed goes unpunished. I learned that lesson today.

There is no good timing for happiness when anger, hurt, or frustration is involved.

Just as you learned your lesson, I learned mine.

The difference in a positive attitude and a negative one is that the negative gives up while the positive keeps going. Just because someone else doesn't want to smile doesn't mean that I don't. The content inherently want to share their felicity.

Yes, we're addicted to drama. We're addicted to ourselves. Something to remember about the people who want you to smile when you are stressed, hurt, venting, getting over, or stewing over your own drama: those are the people who love you and your drama...no matter how important it really is.

I have my own faults and I have my own drama that I'm guilty of obsessing over too much. The next time someone tries to make me smile, I hope I'm not so blinded I can't remember what it's like from their view. I hope I smile back.

Trevor

Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?

Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?

Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?

Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?

Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?

Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?

Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?

Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...

Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!

I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.

I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...

Take 2

You're going to call me an idiot.

I went on a date with D#1 tonight. I got weak!!

We had a good talk last night. He had been sending me text messages begging for forgiveness and admitting that he's an asshole. That part made me smile. I didn't have to even tell him! He called me, eventually, seeing as text message eventually get confusing when discussing something serious. I listened to what he had to say, but I made sure D#1 heard what I had to say.

Needless to say, it bothers me a bit that he has the same bottom line over and over again. He thinks that my irritation is solely in reference to his ogling of other females. In actuality, it's not. It's his behavior generally while intoxicated. It's the fact that he is the age that he is and was as irresponsible and insulting as he was. At first he didn't understand why it was such a big deal to me; and if he doesn't still, then I had a great free meal and probably the last for a minute.

D#1 now has boundaries and stipulations. There is to be no drinking around me. There is to be no threatening bodily harm to my friends. Actually, after some time has passed, it's up to him to make amends with my friends and make things right. He screwed his first impression with them and many others. K thinks I'm crazy and can't wait to say, "I told you so." He has other guidelines to follow as well.

I say, I have made things so strict for him that I will be surprised if he sticks around passed the weekend.

This is like having my own little bitch!

In the end, he said he wanted what we had back. I told him that what we had led to our problem. Why not modify it and do things differently; not make the same mistakes again? If he can't do that, then I'll know now that I am wasting my time.

Stephanie's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Date

I feel like a bad person after my weekend. I know that I probably shouldn't.

Friday night started off very normal for me. D#1 was taking me out to go see a local band here in town, one I've seen several times before and was a little nervous about my behavior to come. Never in a million years did I think that D#1's behavior is what I should have worried about.

We get to the bar, he orders shots. "I'm only doing one, babe," I tell him. "I'm driving, k, and I have to work in the morning."

"OK" he answers. The night goes on as normal, we all chat and cut up at the table, dance to the music, have a blast.

Another hour later, more shots. Disrespect. I had met a couple of my friends at this bar and one of my friends and I head to the stage. I didn't want to do anymore shots. A few songs later, I work my way back to the table and find out that D#1 is obliterated. He's not just drunk, he's tore up. I also find out that he's been talking and rubbing up on other women while I've been away.

WTH???

I also find out that he just wants to get me, "Patroned Up," this coming from my friends of course.

Now, before I go any further, let's preface this!

I have known D#1 for three weeks at this point. I'm very turned off by this drunken behavior. I'm turned off by his staggering, wandering, now-grabbing self at this bar where he had balls enough to do this in front of my friends! I'm also extremely disappointed because he had presented himself to be an all-around nice, hard-working guy. He always got the door for me, which I really liked!! I know, cheesy.

I've known my friends much longer. They know more about what I've been through this year than most. They will always be looking out for me; I trust them for that. I understand I'm not the only one who's had a hard time, however, my friends are trying to make sure things don't get harder for me.

So, D#1 goes missing. With my car keys. And I want to go home. Twenty or thirty minutes later, I finally find his swaying self talking to a group of girls at the bar. I brushed into him to let him know I was behind him and he blew me off completely. I still didn't have my keys.

A few minutes later, he finds me, rests his head on my shoulder and starts the passing out process. I have no clue how many he's had by now, but I want to go home and I don't want to take him with me.

"Hey, give me my keys real quick." I held out my hands and he reached in his pocket to pause.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just headed to the car to get something for K really quick," I answered. I want my keys so I can leave your drunk ass here to go home with some other bitch. I turned to go catch up with K outside for a second and he follows me. He wants to go with me!

"Hey, Babe, you're toasted!" I guided him to a chair. "Sit right here, I'm going to go with for a second, K?"

All he could do was nod. His eyes were glazed over and half shut. His mouth was hanging open and he couldn't stand anymore. For two seconds, I thought about getting him some water but I knew that it was a waste of my time. I also was pissed.

K and I pick up her sister down the street, walk back and we find him completely passed out at this time, in front of the bar. He looked like a conversation piece! We go back inside, party and play some more, have a good time. Meanwhile, I'm texting some of my friends to find out of if they are coming out, find a guy friend to walk me to my car. I knew that D#2 was at home and I really didn't need an escort home, just to my car!

No Luck.

1 am, I left. By myself.

My date was left up front, passed out in a chair with plastic cups thrown on him. Actually, a little bird told me there is a picture of this floating around the internet now!!!LMAO!!!

1:15 am, Roommate gets the d/l. We gather all of D#1's belongings together and make sure he has no reason to come in the apartment when he does make it back.

2 am, D#1 has made it back. D#2 answers the door gives him his bag and tells him to leave.

It was a TNT moment from here; he says he's forgotten something in my room, he's hidden cash. I nodded to D#2 that it was OK. He walks back to my room and doesn't see me in the kitchen. Something slammed. D#2 runs back to my room and starts walking him back to the front. D#1 sees me. D#1 is drunk and begins to curse me inherently to the devil. FYI, I'm an f'n whore and f'n bitch. He was so intoxicated, I don't think he had any other colorful metaphors to describe me.

D#2 steps up at this time, gives him two options: Leave or be put out. I love my new roommate!! "Dude, look you've got her in a corner. Just call her when your sober. I'll help you get your stuff to your truck."

The two D's leave.

Ten minutes later, they are still outside talking.

D#1 is crying like a baby.

Apparently, he denied all of it. He was never talking to other women, trying to get me patroned up and he never told anyone that I needed to stay with him for his money -- He loves me!!

The one where he got my number

I've been wanting to write this one for awhile.

Several weeks back, my friends threw me a "Freedom Party," for lack of a better term.

I had just found out that my divorce was final and was ex tactic! Free! Free!! Free!!! After several months of unending headaches, I finally was divorced. So we celebrated at a local bar in town where a band was playing.

The band, who is coming to town again soon and I can't wait to go see again, found out that I was newly single. At the same time, in the bar with us was a bachelorette party. Now, this is the part of the evening that, yes, is a bit groggy. A bit, a bit.

I was dressed in a black shirt and tight jeans. The stress I've been through has done wonders for the body, I tell you! My friend, who threw this party for me, was wearing nothing but a bra/vest type deal and even tighter jeans. Hate her...she pulled it off!!! Up on the stage we're pulled, shots being passed around everywhere.

I look over to my right and on stage with me is this poor, pitiful looking bride. I wanted to slap sense into her like someone should have done to me. My friend grabbed the microphone, screamed, "DON'T DO IT!" as the innocent was being introduced. She looked so happy; taking advantage of the last thread of wild in her. The crowd gave a clap while she raised her drink and spun around, holding the clumsy veil on her head.

I thought, "You look like you're about to be sacrificed." Meanwhile, I heard my name called.

"And this girl, ladies and gentlemen, very big night for her. While the other girl is getting married next week, Stephanie, is celebrating her divorce!!!" The next thing I know, the room is going A.P.E.S.H.I.T!!!! More drinks are being passed around, someone is dancing with me onstage, I'm getting high fives and congratulations...

It was crazy!!

Finally, I get back to my table after the journey of high fives and shots. How I hadn't fallen in my high heels is beyond me.

About that time, a very tall guy comes our way. I knew for certain he headed for my friend. I brushed him off until he sat next to me and leaned in.

"Crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah," I was pretty shy about meeting new people. Give me a break. It'd been a few months but meeting people in a bar was definitely not on my top ten things to do. "It's good to get out and have some fun, tho!!"

He had on a ball cap and a pressed polo shirt. His crooked little smile made his eyes sparkle a bit. But it was very dark, making out his face again would be difficult. I looked down and started playing with my phone.

"Hey, I like that phone!" He pointed to my toy. "Can I see it a sec?"

"Uh, sure?"

"So, are you from here?"

"Not originally."

He looked up from my phone a moment, "You don't sound southern."

"Well, I am...just not good with the accent!" I laughed. Sometimes I tend to sound a bit Yankee. I get made fun of for it, too.

"Well, I just put my number in your phone. Text me sometime!"

What the hell?!