I finally fixed him Shepard's Pie

I can bitch about stress all I want to but I have to remember one thing: I'm very blessed. I have a lot of supportive people in my life, a lot of people who love me and want to see me do well.

More importantly, I'm happy.

I have the most amazing person with me who makes me smile. Every time I feel stressed, I can just be around him and forget about it. It is so nice to have someone who loves me just as me. Not for what I can do for him. He doesn't want me to do anything for him. He doesn't want me to be anybody else. He doesn't talk down to me, he is always so positive and loving, he's supportive, and believes in me. He is respectful and not demanding. He listens and communicates instead of shuts down during even the simplest of conversations.

I have found the perfect man! SCORE!!

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I don't talk much about my previous marriage, and honestly, I don't want to. I was one of the more fortunate women. I just want any woman (or man) in any abusive relationship to know that you're better than that, and if you have kids, they're better than that! There's help! I know that it's not as simple as packing a bag to leave, but there is freedom from an abusive relationship!

Get Help: http://dvam.vawnet.org/

Show support: http://twibbon.com/cause/Speak-Out-Domestic-Violence/

I'm so thankful to God that I have A now. He's shown me that is still good in people, and I love his huge heart. I hope he knows just how much he's helped me heal.

Yeah, that hurt.

So let me tell you about irrational.

I'm still flabbergasted at the fact that the opportunity to discuss this was not given to me.

He takes me to a movie. We may have had these movie plans awhile, however, my movie going experience has been ruined now. Have you seen Alice in Wonderland yet? Why yes, and then I got my heart broken again. He shares popcorn and a drink with me. We leave, discuss the movie. Then out of the blue he tells me my stuff is in the car. I clue in. I ask why. Because my feelings got hurt when I thought he'd bitten my head off. He didn't like that. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it was a miscommunication and deserved discussion.

For your information, there are two people in a relationship. That means there are two individual sets of emotions. One person's world doesn't revolve around you every second, as much you might like it to. That's why communication is key in a relationship and a person who truly loves another discusses a problem and doesn't run from it.

Instead of saying, "Hey, I have a problem with this," he ends it in the car, on the way home from the movie theatre.

And why did I dump you out on the side of the road to walk home? Because as I was trying to tell you before, I'm not the best Christian (you may or may not have gotten to that part because you continued to interrupt me with your "whatevers") that being said that I don't tithe - and for people who do tithe, it's a couple of bucks. You're ELIAS thing? You are paying $125 for a woman to tell you what an entity is communicating through her. My God doesn't do that and he doesn't charge, He just speaks directly to me. I was trying to ask you why couldn't yours? Instead you continuously interrupted me and disrespected me with your attitude. Hope you had a nice walk home.

I would like to say thank you for being one of the many men out there. Just like the lot of them. You make a promise, pretend to act on the promise, and then break it.

Snow Angels

It's snowing outside.

I live in Alabama. That means the entire state's been shut down for flurries.

I will admit though, there is a lot of snow coming down. It's just not sticking very well. It will probably be something of more concern once the roads start to freeze over tonight. That will be great for me seeing as work hasn't notified me of ANY weather plans. Love corporate America.

It's actually kind of nice to wake up and have a lazy day, listening to all the neighbors waking up and playing in the snow. There are sounds of spontaneously laughter and splatters of snow on nylon jackets outside my window. Don't have too much fun out there, guys! This morning, it was as quiet as a mouse outside. Not a peep. The snow was resting gently and collecting slowly in the grass. It would fall in the most lazy of ways to the ground, hypnotizing me as I sipped my coffee.

I feel like a bum. I haven't accomplished much with this time. However, I've actually done a lot. Oxymoron of the day. Just finishing up last minute Valentine's and playing with new software to pass the time. I'm not going anywhere if I don't have to today. It's too cold, it's too wet, and I'm comfortable right where I am.

I'm hoping I don't get snowed in this Valentine's Day weekend. I'm very excited and curious about my Valentine's gift...my curiosity is quite piqued. All I have is a riddle. I like surprises. Always making me think. If you surprise me before I figure this out, you're good. Not many people surprise me - you know why. I don't want anything to spoil tomorrow. He had so much excitement in his eyes when he was teasing me with our mystery plans. I'm excited to find out! I'll just be happy to get to spend some uninterrupted time with him - that time that seems to tick so slowly when we're together and yet I still hate it when it comes to an end.

Then Sunday, I'm going home for the day. I get to see the two other young men in my life and give them their Valentine's from their favorite Aunt.

See, this stupid snow, while peaceful today, messes up a lot of my plans!

Go away, Snow!!

Two letters

To the Fucktard:

Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.

It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.

You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.

None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.

You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.

I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.

You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.

Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.

For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.

If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.

I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.

For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake

To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-

I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.

I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.

You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.

I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.

I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.

What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew

But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines

-hbb

Just like the rest of them after all

So men are just stupid.

Yes, all of you.

You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...

Breath of Fresh Air

Had a date last night, I'm sure he'll read this but I started this blog with a no holds barred mentality and with the exception of other circumstances, I plan on keeping to that.

For the first time, I had a date with someone where I felt comfortable. Helps that I already knew him, and I've known him a long time. God, college seems like forever ago. Extremely nice to hang out with someone that I could actually hold a conversation with.

So, I knew him in college and it's actually quite a funny background story and maybe I'll write about that later. I don't think I'd seen him since then, actually, or maybe afterwards, shit I can't remember that far back. I really didn't recognize him. And I most certainly didn't remember him being almost a foot taller than me. Check one off list. I don't think he remembered me being so short either, he kept looking over my head once I saw him...

Time had changed him a bit. He's still very handsome but he's matured. Has military background, job, is an Alabama fan, graduated high school and college, walks/talks like he's confident, definately has a skill and his own hobbies. Check off 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 items from list. Good start... Overall, he was like a wine that had gotten better with age. So far. The shitty qualities from years ago were gone or minimized and, honestly, I wasn't looking to hard to see if they were there too much because I had such a good time.

First plan was margeritas and mexican food. I needed a drink. However, Iguana Grill was more than packed. I think the Fire Marshall was off duty; there were too many people in there!! So plan B, spontaneous and probably right up his ally since he'd said that's what he wanted anyway, was Kobe. Once we sat at the bar, I didn't quit laughing. That hasn't happened in awhile.

I'm going to be a little bit more honest here, more than anyone needs to know, but I'm going on a limb here. It's a very flimsy limb. I am not good with the whole "trust" thing and "good intentions." Yeah, I admit it, I don't believe anyone has a noble motive when the meet me now. Last night showed me something different, though. For the first time, I saw hope that not all mean are out to get in my pants.

So needless to say, yes, you who I know is reading this, you did well. Yes, you have another date. I'd love to see how much fun we'd have. Now stop getting my name wrong.

The Rules and Counting

1. Must be employed.
2. Must be an Alabama fan.
3. Must be less than within my age up to 4 years older than me.
4. No country music. It sucks. Very, very few exceptions to that.
5. Must have college degree.
6. Must have highschool diploma.
7. Cannot suck the blood out of his parents.
8. Must have a retirement plan in place and in action.
9. Must be debt free.
10. No kids yet.
11. No hitting.
12. No biters...you're stupid if you think nibbling is cute. It's not.
13. Gives good back rubs.
14. Cleans regularly.
15. Respects what I've just cleaned.
16. Allows me my own hobbies.
17. Allows me to watch my own shows.
18. True gift giver - not to buy my affection. To let me know he thinks about me.
19. Respects my time.
20. Always opens every door, every time, every where, every day.
21. Loves movies.
22. Must be taller than me.
23. Has his own hobbies.
24. Has a skill.
25. Doesn't put me down for Lucill Ball moments. I have many of them.
26. Knows when to leave me alone.
27. Doesn't yell.
28. Communicates.
29. Never cheated on anyone.
30. Loves the gym. And it shows.
31. Speaks a foreign language.
32. Loves music.
33. Eeuughhh...I'll not list this one.
34. And I won't list this one either. They're censored. For me only. :)
35. Believes in himself.
36. Isn't cocky.
37. Takes pride in appearance.
38. Doesn't tell me who I can be with.
39. No curfews.
40. Has a life and let's me in but doesn't shove it down my throat.
41. Keeps his nails clean.
42. Clean shaven.
43. Knows how to make a bed.
44. Can fold clothes.
45. Brings me soup when I'm sick.
46. Plays an instrument.
47. Has never been arrested.
48. Doesn't believe in public intoxication.
49. Hates patron.
50. Never accuses me of bullshit.
51. Doesn't do drama.
52. Looks like Daniel Craig.
53. Respects when I don't want to talk about something.
54. Doesn't read my diary.
55. Trusts me completely.
56. Never gives me a reason to not trust him.
57. Gives me an off day if I want it.
58. Believes in me, even when I don't.
59. Supports me during my project.
60. Has a dream and wants to achieve it.

Feedback

Here's a great consensus of my dating life (via Facebook):

StephanieThis date went much better!

A:

It wasn't the same guy, was it?

14 minutes ago · Delete

Stephanie:

Don't hit me! It was the sober version. We had a very good discussion about boundaries tonight. He understands there are no more chances. I made it so strict, I bet he runs!

11 minutes ago · Delete

A:

I wasn't judging, but your account made him seem like the biggest butthole on the planet. I didn't figure you'd want to see him again.

10 minutes ago · Delete

Stephanie:

I really didn't at all. I was pretty pissed. And he was the biggest ass. I don't really think I should be giving him another chance, but I am. I had a lot of fun with him before any of that happened. I think that's what pissed me off the
most. Here we are having a blast and there he goes being a dick.

7 minutes ago · Delete

A:

It happens. I have a friend like that that I love, and sometimes he gets so volatile and unmanageable that I have to send him home.

6 minutes ago · Delete

M:

Its like me with cashews. Sometimes they upset my stomach and make me have digestive problems, but all the while, I still love them. Oh cashews....you silly mixed nut you.

28 seconds ago · Delete

Stephanie:

LMAO!
M, thank you for making my pitiful dating life so nutty!!

2 seconds ago · Delete

Take 2

You're going to call me an idiot.

I went on a date with D#1 tonight. I got weak!!

We had a good talk last night. He had been sending me text messages begging for forgiveness and admitting that he's an asshole. That part made me smile. I didn't have to even tell him! He called me, eventually, seeing as text message eventually get confusing when discussing something serious. I listened to what he had to say, but I made sure D#1 heard what I had to say.

Needless to say, it bothers me a bit that he has the same bottom line over and over again. He thinks that my irritation is solely in reference to his ogling of other females. In actuality, it's not. It's his behavior generally while intoxicated. It's the fact that he is the age that he is and was as irresponsible and insulting as he was. At first he didn't understand why it was such a big deal to me; and if he doesn't still, then I had a great free meal and probably the last for a minute.

D#1 now has boundaries and stipulations. There is to be no drinking around me. There is to be no threatening bodily harm to my friends. Actually, after some time has passed, it's up to him to make amends with my friends and make things right. He screwed his first impression with them and many others. K thinks I'm crazy and can't wait to say, "I told you so." He has other guidelines to follow as well.

I say, I have made things so strict for him that I will be surprised if he sticks around passed the weekend.

This is like having my own little bitch!

In the end, he said he wanted what we had back. I told him that what we had led to our problem. Why not modify it and do things differently; not make the same mistakes again? If he can't do that, then I'll know now that I am wasting my time.

Sigh

I can't sleep tonight.

I'm a bit irritated.

D#1 is begging for forgiveness. I got short with my best friend for when he was trying to help me. I also think I scared D#2 a bit with my short temper.

I'm just in a mood.

Caution: Bitch on the loose!

Honestly, and sadly, I would like to know D#1 on a sober level, seeing as we have had a blast together recently. I'm having a difficult time seeing past that big red flag in front of his face, though! As for S, I apologized profusely, I feel terrible about it! I also apologized to D#2. I should have been more patient with my problems instead of letting the stress (work and non-work related) get to me right now.

I do have blackmail for D#1, should I agree to see him again. I have in my possession the photo of him passed out in front of bar. He even has a plastic cup hat! If he pisses me off again, you'll get to see it, too!!

I need a Girl's Night Out!

Stephanie's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Date

I feel like a bad person after my weekend. I know that I probably shouldn't.

Friday night started off very normal for me. D#1 was taking me out to go see a local band here in town, one I've seen several times before and was a little nervous about my behavior to come. Never in a million years did I think that D#1's behavior is what I should have worried about.

We get to the bar, he orders shots. "I'm only doing one, babe," I tell him. "I'm driving, k, and I have to work in the morning."

"OK" he answers. The night goes on as normal, we all chat and cut up at the table, dance to the music, have a blast.

Another hour later, more shots. Disrespect. I had met a couple of my friends at this bar and one of my friends and I head to the stage. I didn't want to do anymore shots. A few songs later, I work my way back to the table and find out that D#1 is obliterated. He's not just drunk, he's tore up. I also find out that he's been talking and rubbing up on other women while I've been away.

WTH???

I also find out that he just wants to get me, "Patroned Up," this coming from my friends of course.

Now, before I go any further, let's preface this!

I have known D#1 for three weeks at this point. I'm very turned off by this drunken behavior. I'm turned off by his staggering, wandering, now-grabbing self at this bar where he had balls enough to do this in front of my friends! I'm also extremely disappointed because he had presented himself to be an all-around nice, hard-working guy. He always got the door for me, which I really liked!! I know, cheesy.

I've known my friends much longer. They know more about what I've been through this year than most. They will always be looking out for me; I trust them for that. I understand I'm not the only one who's had a hard time, however, my friends are trying to make sure things don't get harder for me.

So, D#1 goes missing. With my car keys. And I want to go home. Twenty or thirty minutes later, I finally find his swaying self talking to a group of girls at the bar. I brushed into him to let him know I was behind him and he blew me off completely. I still didn't have my keys.

A few minutes later, he finds me, rests his head on my shoulder and starts the passing out process. I have no clue how many he's had by now, but I want to go home and I don't want to take him with me.

"Hey, give me my keys real quick." I held out my hands and he reached in his pocket to pause.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just headed to the car to get something for K really quick," I answered. I want my keys so I can leave your drunk ass here to go home with some other bitch. I turned to go catch up with K outside for a second and he follows me. He wants to go with me!

"Hey, Babe, you're toasted!" I guided him to a chair. "Sit right here, I'm going to go with for a second, K?"

All he could do was nod. His eyes were glazed over and half shut. His mouth was hanging open and he couldn't stand anymore. For two seconds, I thought about getting him some water but I knew that it was a waste of my time. I also was pissed.

K and I pick up her sister down the street, walk back and we find him completely passed out at this time, in front of the bar. He looked like a conversation piece! We go back inside, party and play some more, have a good time. Meanwhile, I'm texting some of my friends to find out of if they are coming out, find a guy friend to walk me to my car. I knew that D#2 was at home and I really didn't need an escort home, just to my car!

No Luck.

1 am, I left. By myself.

My date was left up front, passed out in a chair with plastic cups thrown on him. Actually, a little bird told me there is a picture of this floating around the internet now!!!LMAO!!!

1:15 am, Roommate gets the d/l. We gather all of D#1's belongings together and make sure he has no reason to come in the apartment when he does make it back.

2 am, D#1 has made it back. D#2 answers the door gives him his bag and tells him to leave.

It was a TNT moment from here; he says he's forgotten something in my room, he's hidden cash. I nodded to D#2 that it was OK. He walks back to my room and doesn't see me in the kitchen. Something slammed. D#2 runs back to my room and starts walking him back to the front. D#1 sees me. D#1 is drunk and begins to curse me inherently to the devil. FYI, I'm an f'n whore and f'n bitch. He was so intoxicated, I don't think he had any other colorful metaphors to describe me.

D#2 steps up at this time, gives him two options: Leave or be put out. I love my new roommate!! "Dude, look you've got her in a corner. Just call her when your sober. I'll help you get your stuff to your truck."

The two D's leave.

Ten minutes later, they are still outside talking.

D#1 is crying like a baby.

Apparently, he denied all of it. He was never talking to other women, trying to get me patroned up and he never told anyone that I needed to stay with him for his money -- He loves me!!

Man in the house

My new roommate has moved in.

Let me tell you how chaotic this has been! It should be very easy for someone to move their paraphernalia in a home, however, you also have to move your stuff out so they have room for there's! Geez!!! I have a lot of stuff! Fortunately, I'm not a pack rat!

My guest room is where I had stored my Christmas decor. All of that has been consolidated and moved to a storage closet. The rest of the items in there were is to dispose.

I think I've found a good fit, for a roomie that is. D #2 works nights, I work days. To make things even more fun, he has several similarities with the guy I'm currently seeing (D #1). Keeping the conversations straight has been very interesting! Here's a list of what they have in common:

• Both have the same name

  Both are from the same state

  Both are in the same industry

  Both work long hours

  Both raised cocker spaniels

  Both cook Yes!!!!

Let's just say that I have confused the history of these two more than once... But they've met each other, and to make it even more hilarious to me only maybe my roommate gets along with the guy I'm dating maybe better than I do! WTH?!

Fireworks

What a crazy week and weekend it's been!! Hope everyone had a great fourth! Mine was spent on the lake with all of my friends and their children - food and beer included. It was awesome! Until I lost my house keys!! That didn't ruin my weekend, though! The fireworks were great, the water was awesome and I had a blast! Thanks to Dee Ann for having us all over!!

Met a couple of potential roommates as well this weekend. Oh the decisions I will have to make -- but more on that later!!

I have come to a conclusion that I need a list! I have attracted too many weirdos. I'm just a magnet for them. So I'm going to make a list - a big, long, picky list of requirements that a guy has to meet before I can go out on a date with him. Certainly that should nip some of this in the bud!!

Need a moment

I don't particularly care to bitch on here that often. I realize that my thoughts are up here for the world to read. That's probably one of the main reasons I haven't written as much lately -- I just don't want to come across as bitchy but I have to do this...at this point, I'm just frustrated.

Let me start with this: Dating is stupid. Men are stupid. Most men are just boys.

Here's why: guy #1, date a bit, we move in opposite directions, no love lost. Now, ding-dong wants to know why I don't speak to him anymore, if he can come over and "cuddle," and if we can be "special friends." Really?? How about a big fat no when you showed up at my apartment unannounced and when you told me you were at my door at 3 am another time, and really weren't even there?! That is a big fat, "Stay the hell away from me!"

Guy #2, Cool guy, fun to hang around. I love to hang out with him because there is no pressure at all! Pretty open relationship, able to date/see other people, free to hang out with friends, with each other or with each other and our friends. Just a fun person - Until I found out he tried to pick up a friend of mine at that bar...is that jealousy??? Wth???

Guy #3, Total sweetheart. I can't say enough good thing about him. I'm just not ready to give him what he's looking for - despite the fact he still wants it from me. I have to say for a minute that I thought maybe I could try but let me honestly say that I'm so far from that right now. What I need more of right now are friends who are just there for me but allow me my space when I need it.

The reason I bring this up?? Because all of it is unnecessary drama! Every ounce of it! This is why dating is stupid, this is why it's a waste of my time, this is why I didn't want to date to begin with.

I don't understand why things have to be blown out of proportion, why some people just don't take what you say for what it's worth. I don't understand why some people don't understand that no means no. I don't get why men are so...persistent and dead set on making sure the crazy one's are only attracted to me! That's for another time!

And men say women are complicated - I say men complicate women!

I know at least of the three reads this blog, however, I wish all three did. This is my message to them, and yes, to all you guidance counselors, I have said this bluntly, I hate drama. I've had enough drama in my life the last year, to be exact, and I want no more of it. I want to be selfish for once and have me time. I don't have to justify it. I don't have to excuse it. I don't have to explain myself. Quite frankly, it's none of your damned business what I do with my time, and if you don't like it, do what I told you to do in the beginning and move on. I've had enough bullshit to deal with, especially in the last six months, and quite frankly, your bullshit is not even close to the hell I've been through.

Don't bring drama into my home and expect me to pet your ego. Don't take things so seriously. If you can't, find someone else who finds it just as important as you do...I don't want your drama.

The one where he got my number

I've been wanting to write this one for awhile.

Several weeks back, my friends threw me a "Freedom Party," for lack of a better term.

I had just found out that my divorce was final and was ex tactic! Free! Free!! Free!!! After several months of unending headaches, I finally was divorced. So we celebrated at a local bar in town where a band was playing.

The band, who is coming to town again soon and I can't wait to go see again, found out that I was newly single. At the same time, in the bar with us was a bachelorette party. Now, this is the part of the evening that, yes, is a bit groggy. A bit, a bit.

I was dressed in a black shirt and tight jeans. The stress I've been through has done wonders for the body, I tell you! My friend, who threw this party for me, was wearing nothing but a bra/vest type deal and even tighter jeans. Hate her...she pulled it off!!! Up on the stage we're pulled, shots being passed around everywhere.

I look over to my right and on stage with me is this poor, pitiful looking bride. I wanted to slap sense into her like someone should have done to me. My friend grabbed the microphone, screamed, "DON'T DO IT!" as the innocent was being introduced. She looked so happy; taking advantage of the last thread of wild in her. The crowd gave a clap while she raised her drink and spun around, holding the clumsy veil on her head.

I thought, "You look like you're about to be sacrificed." Meanwhile, I heard my name called.

"And this girl, ladies and gentlemen, very big night for her. While the other girl is getting married next week, Stephanie, is celebrating her divorce!!!" The next thing I know, the room is going A.P.E.S.H.I.T!!!! More drinks are being passed around, someone is dancing with me onstage, I'm getting high fives and congratulations...

It was crazy!!

Finally, I get back to my table after the journey of high fives and shots. How I hadn't fallen in my high heels is beyond me.

About that time, a very tall guy comes our way. I knew for certain he headed for my friend. I brushed him off until he sat next to me and leaned in.

"Crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah," I was pretty shy about meeting new people. Give me a break. It'd been a few months but meeting people in a bar was definitely not on my top ten things to do. "It's good to get out and have some fun, tho!!"

He had on a ball cap and a pressed polo shirt. His crooked little smile made his eyes sparkle a bit. But it was very dark, making out his face again would be difficult. I looked down and started playing with my phone.

"Hey, I like that phone!" He pointed to my toy. "Can I see it a sec?"

"Uh, sure?"

"So, are you from here?"

"Not originally."

He looked up from my phone a moment, "You don't sound southern."

"Well, I am...just not good with the accent!" I laughed. Sometimes I tend to sound a bit Yankee. I get made fun of for it, too.

"Well, I just put my number in your phone. Text me sometime!"

What the hell?!

The Truth Hurts

I have come to the conclusion that this blog is not possible without me being honest about the events in my life. That doesn't mean I have to give you any details, however, that does mean that all the good stories I have to write end up, in some way or another, revolving around a major event in my life.

That leaves me no choice but to admit a major and personal piece of information to you I care not to go into detail about, nor ever will I.

Let me keep it simple by saying that I am now divorced and happier than I ever thought possible.

I hate it for you if you like the really juicy shit. That won't fit on the blog...Blogger's server isn't big enough!

I'm too aggrevated for this right now.

Alabama losing to Utah is not how I wanted to spend my evening. Maybe this game will get better and Bama will actually show up.

In other news, why is it that when shit hits the fan, it's diarrhea?

Talked with the husband just now and we'll just say that there is a disagreement over..."etiquette." This is what it's like to married you single folk; bicker and argue over he most idiotic topics. You let the irritation consume you over minuscule things until it eats you from the inside out and you eventually explode. Marriage takes work and if you think it's supposed to be easy, you need to be committed.

Trey, I'm right, you're wrong. Period. Good etiquette means being proper and secrets don't make gummy bears.

Seven minutes left in the fourth and I think Alabama has yet to come out of the locker room in the Sugar Bowl! Good grief...I need a glass of wine...

I'm sorry for the bitchiness, really I am. I hate complainers and complaining. Notice that it is past my bedtime on a very long day and I'm a little irritated that I'm sitting on the sofa without my husband whom despite our petty arguments, I do love dearly and pray he forgives me for my irrational comments - even though right now I still think he's being a pig.

1/2 a gift

This is one of the two gifts I won at our Supper Club Ornament Swap the other night. Isn't it pretty!

I had so much fun that night, cheating on my diet, chatting with my friends, catching up and stealing gifts. It was a blast! Can't wait to see everybody again next month!

I have a pretty quiet day ahead of me. Trey spent the night with his cousin in Birmingham last night. He won't be back till later today. I've just been tootling around the apartment, cleaning up a bit, eating egg whites and sipping on some Irish Breakfast tea. The weather is absolutely crazy in Alabama right now! It's a great day to stay inside and cuddled up to a blanket!

That being said, my plans are the opposite! I didn't have as good of a run as I wanted yesterday morning so I'm going to go outside and run again today. I plan on killing a few birds with one stone; get my first outside run, start getting used to running in cold weather since this is about how chilly it will be in February and I also want to get a better workout than yesterday in. Then I'll come home, fix another pot of tea probably, watch a few movies and wash some clothes. I may even drive around with my camera and get some new stuff. I went through my unedited files last night and, good grief, there is a lot of crappy stuff!

Wow - I really don't live an eventful life! But it is nice to have some time at home to myself every now and then and I'm glad my husband's been able to spend some time with the boys.

Mental Health Day

I am so excited today! I have the day off from work! While it doesn't take my mind off of some of the stresses there, it does help me relax in a big way. I already have a packed schedule this evening and work on top of it was pulling me thin. So yesterday, when I asked if I could have the afternoon off a little early, I was very surprised when Clint said, "Just take Tuesday off."

That means I have a whole day to get stuff done today! Here's a little why I was getting stressed about this evening. Every month, my girlfriends and I have our Supper Club. Usually it's the second week of the month but with the holidays and all, it was much easier for all of us to get together the third week of December. We are having an ornament swap and eating dinner at a nice restaurant. We'll catch up with each other, ask how the babies and husbands are and then we'll laugh, cut up, relax and enjoy each others' company with no husbands or children around. I look forward to this every month! Especially since I work around 11 men all day, every day! That's not even counting my husband!

Tomorrow is our Christmas at the dealership. Not that I've been procrastinating at all, I haven't, I just need to get the ingredients to make my dish. I wasn't able to get to the store on Sunday and I have gotten to where I refuse to go to Walmart or Food World by myself at night over here. There was a mugging not too long ago and I don't particularly want to be the next victim. That being said, tonight, I would have to go to the store tonight to get the stuff I need for my dish. That's why I asked Clint if I could leave a little early: I wanted to be able to leave before it was dark, get my ingredients, go to Supper Club and come home to mix it together. Plus, tonight is the Biggest Loser Finale so I didn't want to be up late watching it or make my dish - a Paula Dean dish, no less - while watching people tell me how dishes like mine made the fat! Go Michelle!!

That being said, my schedule today is as follows:

• Call the radio station check
• Eat oatmeal check
• Play on the internet while oatmeal digests checking
• Go run three miles Maybe I'll run outside today, weather permitting...
• Circuit train Or maybe I'll run four miles outside today and say I had a good enough workout
• Eat egg whites Breakfast of champions!
• Grocery Shop Home and Holidays shopping!
• Cook But don't eat!
• Eat chicken and salad lunch of champions...
• Play on the internet some more
• Go to Supper Club
• Watch Michelle win the Biggest Loser! Or Ed - not Heba or Vicky! BTW, I voted for Ed!

Daycare

Fifteen minutes till the end of the business day and this verbal exchange has me curious if allowing myself to be run over or if I'm as bitchy as I sometimes feel.

Salesman, "I'm going to the store. I'll be back before 6."

I am puzzled. "We're about to close. Why don't you wait fifteen minutes?"

The salesman looks at me like I'm stupid, "I'll have to walk."

"Huh?" I must be stupid.

"I'll. Have. To. Walk," he repeats, verbally confirming that he thinks I'm stupid. "It's the store right down the street! Why don't you just let me go?! I'll be right back!"

"I don't understand why you can't wait fifteen minutes and why you can't get whomever is taking you home to drop you off by the store," I argued. I was getting frustrated with his attitude.

"You see, I'll have to walk, it's going to rain. I'll still have to walk -" At this point his rambling isn't making any sense to me. I'm not sure whether it's because it's the end of the day or if he really isn't making much sense and is just looking for an excuse to drive one of our cars considering he doesn't own a vehicle. I can say this, asking why he thinks he'll still have to walk in the rain if his chauffeur lets him take a detour is pointless and would take up the fifteen minutes we had left in the day.

"Just go," I interrupted.

"What?"

"Just. Go." I put my finger between the bridge of nose to suppress the frustration and confusion.

Ten minutes later, with five minutes left in the day, the salesmen returns, looks to see if it's time to go yet, jumps in some other salesman's vehicle and leaves for the day.

I personally feel like - or rather, I know I was bullied into allowing him to go to the store. However, sometimes it's just better to forget about it instead of saying, "Hate it for ya!"