This is what a rut looks like

I'm burned out.

I've had so much going on lately that I'm just burnt on nearly everything. A sabbatical would be nice. If only... Work...ugh...work #2...hate corporate America...Where's my free time?

I must have Spring fever. That's what I'll diagnose myself with. I'm seeing these beautiful days of the season casting this happy sunshine over everything and I'm envious of the ones who get to frolic in it. I hate admitting it because I don't mean to complain but I'm finding it more difficult to push through this rut until I can really enjoy some me time.

I'm having to be my own personal cheerleader presently. I can do this. I can make it. My efforts aren't in vain. Miracles happen everyday, you've been blessed in every situation of need so far, Steph, God won't forget you this time, either. The truth is, I know I can do this, I know I can make it. I just hate the disheartening part when things can't or don't go as planned so that I can also frolic in the sun and play with my friends.

So if you see me about going chugga-chugga-choo-choo, I'm just building up my spirit for my next big hurdle.

How to handle fear

There is a bee in my apartment!!

Nothing scares me more! Really!

One roommate tried to kill it and he just got mad and hid! I locked myself in my room! I'm frightened a bit!

About an hour later, there was a knock on my door. I thought it was my friend to come pick me up. It wasn't C, it was the maintenance man. I asked him, "are you here to kill the bee?" I wondered how he knew about the bee in the first place.

"No," he chuckled, "I'm here about the disposal but I'll kill your bee, too."

Great!

Until we couldn't find the bee.

We searched for a good couple of minutes until he gave up.

Then the bee popped up it's little head just to laugh at me.

I'm back in my room until my friend gets here.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Easter bunny was very good!

Happy Easter! I hope everyone had a wonderful day! Today was fabulous! I have been non-stop all day and am so ready to be home already!

Currently waiting for my friend. I don't think he's coming at this point. I need coffee and he wanted to see me so why not kill two birds with one stone right?? He says he's on his way but I'm wondering if he was in California when he said that...

Easter with my family was so filling. Despite the fact that my hugger-mugger was exposed and I was grilled, I got to see 75% of my nephews today! It was also my mum's birthday! I'm very tired from all of my playing, which is why I'm not putting a lot of effort into my writing style right now. I just prefer to update at this point, get home, finish my work, and get in the bed!

It's good to have such a beautiful day to celebrate the resurrection of Christ!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No, you may not give urine instead of blood.

I'm sitting in a quiet room, filled with people and laptops. Earlier, I was getting tickled at a curly-haired brunette laughing loudly to herself at the book she was reading. I watched the guy to my right doze slightly as he studied some subject on his laptop. Meanwhile, I was eavesdropping on the group of people to my left holding a meeting.

So the table is wobbly and I've got time to kill. I forgot my headphones at home before I jumped on my bike this morning. What else is a girl to do besides waste her life on Facebook?

Read Monty Python sketches.

I have just been witness to myself becoming the very girl I was laughing at earlier as I laughed out loud to the parodies of the Python boys. I heart them!

Resolution and Tension

Safe to say we've resolved our issues from yesterday. Communication works wonders.

Does make me think about how people obsess over things. I'm writing on a table that's brand new and wobbly. Someone needs to get this things exchanged. I am beginning to see how unhealthy it can really be for someone to let one subject consume their every thought. I am seeing how frustrating it is when a friend tries to help them move forward or away from the thought altogether and isn't necessarily ignore, but rather, misunderstood or only just heard.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

I have so many more thoughts on this subject to yada yada yada about but this table is a pest.

About time

Finally got blogpress on my phone! No more lack of post excuses now! Wait... Is that a good thing?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's just old now...that's why I'm frustrated...

Friendships are so delicate. There's always a fine balance and the great thing about friendship is that they are so easy to maintain until someone gets hurt. You're the best friend I've ever had, what the hell? You go about your day to day lives, catching each other up on the humdrum and extraordinary. You ask advice and give advice. Never ever do you doubt your friend because they would never lie to you, they would never hurt you, and most certainly would never want to see you get hurt.

To have a perfect happy medium in a friendship means that at some point, your friend lies to you. Does this make my ass look big? No! That's not to say that every single time your friend is a fibber, little white lies are innocent...sometimes.

What would you say if I told you sometimes a friend can love and appreciate your person so much that telling you the truth was the only way they knew to return the love you've shown them? What would you say if I told you they have absolutely no sense of orating tactfully what you need to hear? What would you say if sometimes the truth hurts and you hope so much for something that you can't see the obvious and they're just trying to help?

I'm getting pretty fed up with people attacking me for not hearing what they want me to say when they ask my opinion. You asked me!!!! I have a list of things in my life that I wish I wish someone had told me before I learned it myself! So many things in my life would be different and I could have avoided so much heartache. It pisses me off that you are displacing your anger about the truth on me. I'm just relaying the honest opinion you asked me for. I'm not going to lie. I'm a real friend and I value you.

You are the best friend I've ever had. You've been there for me through so many of my trials and tribulations. You have let me cry on your shoulder and have hopefully given me your honest opinions. I truly appreciate that and want to be there for you during this time. You can lean on me, vent to me, cry on me. Please don't be mad at me when I tell you the truth, especially if it's not what you want to hear. I see you involved and focused on this one goal that is so trivial you are missing out on the bigger things in life! I think you are worth so much more than you say you are and it pains me to see you kicking yourself.

Bottom line you who is miffed at me for wanting to protect you from that heartbreak: There is a whole wide world out there and you are missing it when you could be owning it! If you were really listening, which I really hope you are now, then this subject wouldn't be a subject. Please learn from my mistakes.

The one where I went to the bar...

Girl's night out was last night. It was a blast! Last night for the Spring Breakers, everyone had just gotten back into town; the place was packed!

Just a few of the scenes I ran into that was well worth the cover charge:

• A man serenaded me with a harmonica
• The lead singer of the band was walking on the bar
• The lead singer was then carried around the room on a bouncer's shoulders...it was more odd.
• The lead singer (still trying to be the shit) tried to start a dance off in the middle of the bar. Major fail.
• A 62-year-old woman jumped up on the stage to hool-a-hoop.
• The 62-year-old woman then fell on the drums.
• A bachelorette was pulled up on stage for a song; no one cheered for her.
• The band had dangerously bad strobe lights
• The band also covered the backstreet boys...wth....wth...wth???

When it was all said and done last night and the bar yelled last call, I had a blast last night!

Repletion

I have music from Diane Birch. I think I just crawled out from under a rock. I love music.

Why is it that when everything is right in your world, there is nothing to write about? I blame people's obsession with drama. Yet, I still have a lot to write about right now, however, I'm really enjoying keeping some things under my hat. Secrets are fun.

Actually, when I think about what's going on in my life, I can't help but think about where I was a year ago. Time has flown. In a few days, my life legally changed for the better. I hope I haven't taken for granted the new sense of freedom I've had from the past year. It's been a very wild ride! It's had ups and downs and last year hurt like hell but now I can sit down, look at myself, and I'm very proud of the fact that I feel like more of an individual than ever. I have my independence. I move to make Independence Day April 3! It feels so good to be able to not answer to anyone yet at the same time, I can include whomever I want in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and people I can relate to. I'm proud of myself for being able to step away from the people who little by little tear away at the mountain that I stand on now. I allow myself to be only around those that I allow me to be the person I've grown to be and accept all of me.

I would be a fool to miss this magic view - Diane Birch

Yeah, that hurt.

So let me tell you about irrational.

I'm still flabbergasted at the fact that the opportunity to discuss this was not given to me.

He takes me to a movie. We may have had these movie plans awhile, however, my movie going experience has been ruined now. Have you seen Alice in Wonderland yet? Why yes, and then I got my heart broken again. He shares popcorn and a drink with me. We leave, discuss the movie. Then out of the blue he tells me my stuff is in the car. I clue in. I ask why. Because my feelings got hurt when I thought he'd bitten my head off. He didn't like that. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it was a miscommunication and deserved discussion.

For your information, there are two people in a relationship. That means there are two individual sets of emotions. One person's world doesn't revolve around you every second, as much you might like it to. That's why communication is key in a relationship and a person who truly loves another discusses a problem and doesn't run from it.

Instead of saying, "Hey, I have a problem with this," he ends it in the car, on the way home from the movie theatre.

And why did I dump you out on the side of the road to walk home? Because as I was trying to tell you before, I'm not the best Christian (you may or may not have gotten to that part because you continued to interrupt me with your "whatevers") that being said that I don't tithe - and for people who do tithe, it's a couple of bucks. You're ELIAS thing? You are paying $125 for a woman to tell you what an entity is communicating through her. My God doesn't do that and he doesn't charge, He just speaks directly to me. I was trying to ask you why couldn't yours? Instead you continuously interrupted me and disrespected me with your attitude. Hope you had a nice walk home.

I would like to say thank you for being one of the many men out there. Just like the lot of them. You make a promise, pretend to act on the promise, and then break it.

How's the view?

I would just like to add before this is read that I am in no way directing this piece to one person in particular. It is merely a reflection I observed throughout my day. Should you read this and feel that I am directing this toward you, know that I'm not and merely considered more the reason as to why you think maybe I am. I am just as guilty of letting my bad day tell me what to do. Considering the number of letters and postings I have put up here that do sometimes antagonize people, I thought I should let you know, these are just my rambling thoughts while sipping a hot cup of chocolate...

People are too busy worried about getting their next fix. We're all in some way addicted to drama. We may be addicted to our own or reality TV drama, we may be addicted to our friends or celebrity drama unfolding. We all say we don't care. The reality is that we really do. It feels good to know that we get to be in the know or our drama makes us important. The painful truth of that matter is that other people may not care about our own personal drama but about someone else's.

We're a society so fixed on staying angry, on who wronged us. We're all guilty of it. God knows I am! We wanted the wrongs righted. We want to be able to breathe a sigh that says we championed the villain and slayed the beast the hurt us and kicked us down. The degree of the wrongs or the level rather isn't up to us to interpret, despite the fact that it's our own wrong. We may feel it's completely worth venting and spitting over while others, be it friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or even family, tell us whether or not to worry. Have you ever noticed that we never listen to what others tell us? Repeat it over and over again if you like, the degree to which you worry about it is still up to you while someone else tells you different.

The thing about drama is that we let it control our attitudes to an extent that is unhealthy. Tiger had how many hoes?? He said that to her?? I'm so angry for him!! There's this redundant saying that attitudes are contagious. The fact is that they are. And anyone who's seen Pretty Woman agrees with Julia Roberts: the bad stuff is always easier to believe. Why is that?

Because it hurts us to tell someone the truth about a matter; therefore, it should hurt someone else just as much to tell us the truth about us. In my nearly thirty years of life, this is just something I've noticed to be true in not only my own world but in the world's of my other friend's as well. We all think we're right, and maybe we are. Who's to say that in every argument, both sides are right? There can be two wrongs and there can be two rights. Just because someone calls you fat or a drama addict doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or right. It just means someone else sees something different than you.

When something good happens to us, we rejoice. Have you ever timed how long you were happy about something? When something positive enters our existence, the people in our environment are joyful with us. Have you ever timed how long it took someone else to tell you to calm down your own excitement? How often do we take the time to pass along our positive attitude to others? Better yet, how often have you tried and been shunned for the very idea of trying to make someone smile, even if it was just for a second? I'm guilty of not doing that enough. Sometimes it feels like when I do, I get scolded. Other times, I feel more use for myself when I know I've put a grin on some one's face and their laughter in the air.

Now think about how many times we've had a negative attitude. It's been our own personal, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing can go right. Everything can go wrong. I have been the walking Murphy's law. How often are we guilty of allowing our everyday frustrations control our emotional well being? How often do we discourage those who attempt to make us feel better when they care enough to light up our eyes? I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put down for trying to put me up.

We don't realize what our own attitudes can do to others until it's been done to us. It hurts when someone doesn't realize that you care. It's so much easier for us to pay forward our bad days instead of our good and so much harder for us to appreciate those who want to cast some ray of sunshine on our cloudy, cold day. It doesn't matter if it's a right or wrong, it's a matter of dramatizing our own emotions. We blind ourselves with our own present emotional well-being to the point we can't see what we do to the attitudes of others. When we try, we learn our lesson, and make sure others learn it, too- even if they don't have to. The sad part is that because of that, we kill the potential for a happier society.

In Utopia, the criminals are the people who are raised to steal, cheat, and destroy. They are then punished for the very things that they are taught to do. They never learn to perform any differently. In today's society, the people who pay forward their good deeds are the one's punished for trying to make the unhappy happy. No good deed goes unpunished. I learned that lesson today.

There is no good timing for happiness when anger, hurt, or frustration is involved.

Just as you learned your lesson, I learned mine.

The difference in a positive attitude and a negative one is that the negative gives up while the positive keeps going. Just because someone else doesn't want to smile doesn't mean that I don't. The content inherently want to share their felicity.

Yes, we're addicted to drama. We're addicted to ourselves. Something to remember about the people who want you to smile when you are stressed, hurt, venting, getting over, or stewing over your own drama: those are the people who love you and your drama...no matter how important it really is.

I have my own faults and I have my own drama that I'm guilty of obsessing over too much. The next time someone tries to make me smile, I hope I'm not so blinded I can't remember what it's like from their view. I hope I smile back.

Snow Angels

It's snowing outside.

I live in Alabama. That means the entire state's been shut down for flurries.

I will admit though, there is a lot of snow coming down. It's just not sticking very well. It will probably be something of more concern once the roads start to freeze over tonight. That will be great for me seeing as work hasn't notified me of ANY weather plans. Love corporate America.

It's actually kind of nice to wake up and have a lazy day, listening to all the neighbors waking up and playing in the snow. There are sounds of spontaneously laughter and splatters of snow on nylon jackets outside my window. Don't have too much fun out there, guys! This morning, it was as quiet as a mouse outside. Not a peep. The snow was resting gently and collecting slowly in the grass. It would fall in the most lazy of ways to the ground, hypnotizing me as I sipped my coffee.

I feel like a bum. I haven't accomplished much with this time. However, I've actually done a lot. Oxymoron of the day. Just finishing up last minute Valentine's and playing with new software to pass the time. I'm not going anywhere if I don't have to today. It's too cold, it's too wet, and I'm comfortable right where I am.

I'm hoping I don't get snowed in this Valentine's Day weekend. I'm very excited and curious about my Valentine's gift...my curiosity is quite piqued. All I have is a riddle. I like surprises. Always making me think. If you surprise me before I figure this out, you're good. Not many people surprise me - you know why. I don't want anything to spoil tomorrow. He had so much excitement in his eyes when he was teasing me with our mystery plans. I'm excited to find out! I'll just be happy to get to spend some uninterrupted time with him - that time that seems to tick so slowly when we're together and yet I still hate it when it comes to an end.

Then Sunday, I'm going home for the day. I get to see the two other young men in my life and give them their Valentine's from their favorite Aunt.

See, this stupid snow, while peaceful today, messes up a lot of my plans!

Go away, Snow!!

My Muse

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to heard
your time is now

Two letters

To the Fucktard:

Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.

It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.

You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.

None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.

You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.

I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.

You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.

Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.

For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.

If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.

I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.

For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake

To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-

I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.

I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.

You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.

I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.

I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.

What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew

But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines

-hbb

Who what?

I don't understand this "Who Dat?!" speak going on!

I understand that it has something to do with the Saint's and the Superbowl but it makes absolutely no sense to me. Would love some enlightment!

Dear Roommate

Dear roommate,

As I right this, you are in the shower, your music in your room is louder than mine in my room, you've left all the lights on, we only have on bathroom, and I really have to pee.

I hear you're pitter patter back and forth between the hall; I understand you are getting ready. However, you have been getting ready for the last 1 hour and 26 minutes and during that time, I've had to pee. That urge is getting considerably worse. With this letter, I am begging of you to allow me some relief.

Please step out of the bath. Please gather the necessary items and do your hair and make-up in your room. Please allow me a few brief seconds in our shared bath to go. I must so bad and quite honestly, I'm urging on can't hold it anymore!

I apologize for the grotesque nature of this text. I simply don't think you can hear me calling your name over your MTv and radio. Also, the squatting dance was not my impersonation of Michael Jackson, it was me trying to ask for permission to enter the bathroom. I am simply beginning to have much difficulty and discomfort; please! please! allow me just a few brief minutes of this huge chunk of time you need to get ready!

Thank you, now get out of my way!

Sincerely,

Your roommate

PS - I'm going to sit on your bed until you're done :)

Trevor

Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?

Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?

Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?

Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?

Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?

Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?

Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?

Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...

Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!

I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.

I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...

One night in a Gypsy caravan

I'm smiling so big right now!

After all the dissappointments and challenges that came in 2009, I can honestly say I don't feel like 2010 will be near as tough and I'm looking forward to it! It's not a resolution, it's a fact! Every year we all make resolutions to some degree; even those of us who don't believe in making a list of the things that we will add to our daily lives or change in our daily routines. We set a goal and say, "This will be the year for xyz," and wait for the year to bring it to us instead of making it happen int he 365 days that lie ahead of us.

This year, I'm making it happen. It's hard as hell. But I'm going to make this year be awesome. So far, I must say it's already happening. I had the absolute best New Year's Eve/New Year's E.V.E.R. in the history of Steph! You didn't know it was possible to elope 3 times in one night, now did you?!? I will take my coconuts and ride with Patsy into tomorrow and enjoy every moment of the ride!

It feels so exciting to see a goal is obtainable, and to see yourself making that happen. It's motivating. I say that because it's hard as hell to finish my current goal and I'm encouraging myself. Trevor.

And to you, whom I must protect from the chaos of 2009 with all my might, you make me feel like I'm floating. You have taught me much in such a short time and you have so much more to show me. I can't wait to see.

As random as this post is for the rest of everyone else, I promise that I will have many, many more stories to share. Back to the original idea of this blog; back to writing. Everything will make sense and slowly my life won't have to stay under lock and key anymore.

Just like the rest of them after all

So men are just stupid.

Yes, all of you.

You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...

There will be SOUP!

Decided I would try to cook for the beaux tonight. I hope he doesn't die or get sick! I have been craving taco soup lately! I haven't had it in awhile. Alabama's playing football, R is late so now my apartment smells so good! The smell is making me very hungry!

I put a pot up this morning on what I should dare to cook. A couple of people were interested in my Taco Soup recipe so I thought I would post it for you while I watch Alabama play Miss St.

1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can ranch style beans
1 onion chopped
packet of ranch dressing
packet of taco seasoning
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 lb cooked ground sirloin/beef

Brown the beef, chop the onions, and pour everything into a crock pot. Put it on low for the whole day and come home to a yummy supper. I put sour cream, cheese, and Tostitos scoops in my soup for extra yumminess.