Just warming up...

It's not even noon yet, as I write this, and I have so many tactless opinions to vomit currently it's not funny. Maybe I'm talking to you, maybe I'm not. Bottom line: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I've collectively had about 12 hours of sleep the last three days; I'm in a bad mood.

• Don't tell me that I'm under review, that I have to turn in an unknown document by Saturday or get an automatic one on my review, and then not reply to my question of WTF the document is and what I need to do SINCE I'M OFF THE REST OF THE WEEK!

• Roommates: Clean up after yourselves. Some of you live like filthy pigs. It's disgusting! I get dust bunnies, I get scraps of paper left on the floor. I'm not cleaning up your dishes anymore, I'm not paying for you to use my toilet paper, I don't want your chicken juice on my food when it's thawing, I don't want the bacteria you let fester in the kitchen near me! If the dishwasher is clean and you have a dirty dish, empty the fucking dishwasher. Simple. Takes three minutes. Then put your dirty dish in. If the dish washer's full, start it! If you wash your clothes, please be considerate of others who need to wash their clothes; don't leave a load in the washer the night before you leave on a week long trip to somewhere. You're clothes are going to mildew cause they're just going to sit on top of the dryer, wet, until you come home. We cohabitate! Be considerate! And when you take the garbage out, put another bag in the damn can! Takes two seconds! I bought the damn bags, use them!

• Political activists on the Right and Left: SHUT UP! All of you! Right side: I didn't vote for him either but remember how the last 8 years all you said was, "We should support our President even if we didn't vote for him"? Yeah, waffle if you like, I was in political talk radio then, I've got it on tape. You said it, now act on it. He's you're President, support him. You don't have to like him, you don't have to agree with him, but he is your President now. Left side: I haven't said anything negative, I haven't said he needed to be impeached, I'm quite the moderate now as I get older so, quite frankly, you're not going to sway me either way. Please don't be like the Right for the last 8 years and rubbing in that their man's in a leadership position. Both sides: GROW UP! How many years have we been protesting, starting activist groups, leading campaigns against this and lobbying for that? Put active thought into that question, consider all of the rallies, protests, and petitions you can think of. --- I'll wait.----------Now that you've put some real thought (hopefully) into old and new political war cries, how many have actually worked without voting in the person to put into action? So instead of complaining how bad our economy is and whining about who put us in that situation, how about going back to work, be productive, make money, PUT THE MONEY BACK IN THE ECONOMY and make an active effort to fix our financial problems. Stop sitting on your funds because you're afraid. It takes spending it to get the economy moving again. It's how the system is designed to work. Tea Party People: You're just crazy to think anything is going to reform there. Yeah, just get over you're ideas. Stop saying they governments after your pelf when you know that majority of you (not 100%, but majority) are of the upper-middle class and say you're now live in poverty because of the economy. Taxes aren't going any where, they aren't going to be reformed in the near future unless we get a President elected who has the support to move the Fair Tax system.

• Coworkers: I can't work on Thursdays. I never ask for Saturdays off. Stop asking me to swap my A-day with you. It's not happening. I can't work Thursdays. It requires me to be in two places at once. I can't physically do that. Write it on a post it note, put it in your phone, tattoo it on your hand, put it somewhere you can remember to look. I've been there a year now, you've each asked on more than one occasion; the answer will always be no! Not on Thursdays, not right now. I will let you know when and if that should change!

Side note: I'm listening to Beethoven's Symphony 9: IV and it's getting me more charged for my vent. I haven't sipped my coffee while I've been writing this.

• The average Tweeter: Read the links before you post the story with your opinion in 140 characters or less. I'm annoyed with the number of people reading titles, assuming they know what the article is about, putting a little opinion about it next to the bity link, and submitting. Do you have any idea how stupid you look when people actually go read the link and find out that you're opinion has zero relation to the article you posted? I should unfollow you.

• Parents: Teach your damn children how to drive better! I'm a biker, I follow the same traffic laws as automobiles. That means you treat me the same way as a automobile. I am on a vehicle. I yield for you at yield signs, you yield for me. I stop for you, you stop for me. I will stay on the sidewalks as much as possible but three different teenagers almost committed manslaughter yesterday while I was heading to and from home. What makes me nervous is that teens follow their parents behaviors; you probably don't pay attention to pedestrians and bikers either. I just hope you have good insurance and don't kill me. DrSxDP will be pissed.

That being said,

• Pedestrians: USE THE SIDEWALK AND CROSSWALKS! If you jump out in front of my bike or car in a parking lot when I'm going 5 mph and flip me off for not stopping before you do so, you are jaywalking. I'm not psychic, I don't have x-ray vision. That's why I'm going 5mph! If I'm on my bike, or if you are around any biker for that matter, don't stand still in the bike path and look at us funny when we have to slam on our brakes from hitting you. Stupid twats, you almost deserve to be hit by a car. My insurance isn't that good, though, so you're lucky around me. Though, the mood I'm in today, jump out in front me and I may speed up!

• Some friends in particular that you already know who you are and I don't have to point you out because I've already given you my two cents on your predicament(s): If you aren't going to take my advice, please stop venting to me about how you don't know how to handle something or your life is in the shitter. I am your friend and will always be there for you, however, I will not tolerate pity parties when I've already told you how to handle a problem and you refuse to do it or listen. Honestly, for some of my friends more than others, I'm honestly concerned about how adamant you are about continuing your self-deprecation. You do not live in Shittown unless you want to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get back on again. But remember the definition of insanity it doing the same thing over and over again. You want to stay out of Shittown? Stop focusing on the things you can't control and focus on the things you can. When you control what should be organic, you create side effects like what you're experiencing now. Stop trying and let life happen naturally. Because I love you, I'm not listening to it anymore. It may be tough love, and it may hurt, but I don't like seeing you in the place you're in right now. It's time to start accepting the changes in life and going with things instead of manipulating them

• Internet Service Provider: Get off you're lazy ass and fix my connection problems already! Geez, it's old having to swap between all of your routers every five minutes!

I feel a good bit better now. God, I love writing...

This is what a rut looks like

I'm burned out.

I've had so much going on lately that I'm just burnt on nearly everything. A sabbatical would be nice. If only... Work...ugh...work #2...hate corporate America...Where's my free time?

I must have Spring fever. That's what I'll diagnose myself with. I'm seeing these beautiful days of the season casting this happy sunshine over everything and I'm envious of the ones who get to frolic in it. I hate admitting it because I don't mean to complain but I'm finding it more difficult to push through this rut until I can really enjoy some me time.

I'm having to be my own personal cheerleader presently. I can do this. I can make it. My efforts aren't in vain. Miracles happen everyday, you've been blessed in every situation of need so far, Steph, God won't forget you this time, either. The truth is, I know I can do this, I know I can make it. I just hate the disheartening part when things can't or don't go as planned so that I can also frolic in the sun and play with my friends.

So if you see me about going chugga-chugga-choo-choo, I'm just building up my spirit for my next big hurdle.

How to handle fear

There is a bee in my apartment!!

Nothing scares me more! Really!

One roommate tried to kill it and he just got mad and hid! I locked myself in my room! I'm frightened a bit!

About an hour later, there was a knock on my door. I thought it was my friend to come pick me up. It wasn't C, it was the maintenance man. I asked him, "are you here to kill the bee?" I wondered how he knew about the bee in the first place.

"No," he chuckled, "I'm here about the disposal but I'll kill your bee, too."

Great!

Until we couldn't find the bee.

We searched for a good couple of minutes until he gave up.

Then the bee popped up it's little head just to laugh at me.

I'm back in my room until my friend gets here.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Easter bunny was very good!

Happy Easter! I hope everyone had a wonderful day! Today was fabulous! I have been non-stop all day and am so ready to be home already!

Currently waiting for my friend. I don't think he's coming at this point. I need coffee and he wanted to see me so why not kill two birds with one stone right?? He says he's on his way but I'm wondering if he was in California when he said that...

Easter with my family was so filling. Despite the fact that my hugger-mugger was exposed and I was grilled, I got to see 75% of my nephews today! It was also my mum's birthday! I'm very tired from all of my playing, which is why I'm not putting a lot of effort into my writing style right now. I just prefer to update at this point, get home, finish my work, and get in the bed!

It's good to have such a beautiful day to celebrate the resurrection of Christ!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No, you may not give urine instead of blood.

I'm sitting in a quiet room, filled with people and laptops. Earlier, I was getting tickled at a curly-haired brunette laughing loudly to herself at the book she was reading. I watched the guy to my right doze slightly as he studied some subject on his laptop. Meanwhile, I was eavesdropping on the group of people to my left holding a meeting.

So the table is wobbly and I've got time to kill. I forgot my headphones at home before I jumped on my bike this morning. What else is a girl to do besides waste her life on Facebook?

Read Monty Python sketches.

I have just been witness to myself becoming the very girl I was laughing at earlier as I laughed out loud to the parodies of the Python boys. I heart them!

Resolution and Tension

Safe to say we've resolved our issues from yesterday. Communication works wonders.

Does make me think about how people obsess over things. I'm writing on a table that's brand new and wobbly. Someone needs to get this things exchanged. I am beginning to see how unhealthy it can really be for someone to let one subject consume their every thought. I am seeing how frustrating it is when a friend tries to help them move forward or away from the thought altogether and isn't necessarily ignore, but rather, misunderstood or only just heard.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

I have so many more thoughts on this subject to yada yada yada about but this table is a pest.

About time

Finally got blogpress on my phone! No more lack of post excuses now! Wait... Is that a good thing?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's just old now...that's why I'm frustrated...

Friendships are so delicate. There's always a fine balance and the great thing about friendship is that they are so easy to maintain until someone gets hurt. You're the best friend I've ever had, what the hell? You go about your day to day lives, catching each other up on the humdrum and extraordinary. You ask advice and give advice. Never ever do you doubt your friend because they would never lie to you, they would never hurt you, and most certainly would never want to see you get hurt.

To have a perfect happy medium in a friendship means that at some point, your friend lies to you. Does this make my ass look big? No! That's not to say that every single time your friend is a fibber, little white lies are innocent...sometimes.

What would you say if I told you sometimes a friend can love and appreciate your person so much that telling you the truth was the only way they knew to return the love you've shown them? What would you say if I told you they have absolutely no sense of orating tactfully what you need to hear? What would you say if sometimes the truth hurts and you hope so much for something that you can't see the obvious and they're just trying to help?

I'm getting pretty fed up with people attacking me for not hearing what they want me to say when they ask my opinion. You asked me!!!! I have a list of things in my life that I wish I wish someone had told me before I learned it myself! So many things in my life would be different and I could have avoided so much heartache. It pisses me off that you are displacing your anger about the truth on me. I'm just relaying the honest opinion you asked me for. I'm not going to lie. I'm a real friend and I value you.

You are the best friend I've ever had. You've been there for me through so many of my trials and tribulations. You have let me cry on your shoulder and have hopefully given me your honest opinions. I truly appreciate that and want to be there for you during this time. You can lean on me, vent to me, cry on me. Please don't be mad at me when I tell you the truth, especially if it's not what you want to hear. I see you involved and focused on this one goal that is so trivial you are missing out on the bigger things in life! I think you are worth so much more than you say you are and it pains me to see you kicking yourself.

Bottom line you who is miffed at me for wanting to protect you from that heartbreak: There is a whole wide world out there and you are missing it when you could be owning it! If you were really listening, which I really hope you are now, then this subject wouldn't be a subject. Please learn from my mistakes.

The one where I went to the bar...

Girl's night out was last night. It was a blast! Last night for the Spring Breakers, everyone had just gotten back into town; the place was packed!

Just a few of the scenes I ran into that was well worth the cover charge:

• A man serenaded me with a harmonica
• The lead singer of the band was walking on the bar
• The lead singer was then carried around the room on a bouncer's shoulders...it was more odd.
• The lead singer (still trying to be the shit) tried to start a dance off in the middle of the bar. Major fail.
• A 62-year-old woman jumped up on the stage to hool-a-hoop.
• The 62-year-old woman then fell on the drums.
• A bachelorette was pulled up on stage for a song; no one cheered for her.
• The band had dangerously bad strobe lights
• The band also covered the backstreet boys...wth....wth...wth???

When it was all said and done last night and the bar yelled last call, I had a blast last night!

Repletion

I have music from Diane Birch. I think I just crawled out from under a rock. I love music.

Why is it that when everything is right in your world, there is nothing to write about? I blame people's obsession with drama. Yet, I still have a lot to write about right now, however, I'm really enjoying keeping some things under my hat. Secrets are fun.

Actually, when I think about what's going on in my life, I can't help but think about where I was a year ago. Time has flown. In a few days, my life legally changed for the better. I hope I haven't taken for granted the new sense of freedom I've had from the past year. It's been a very wild ride! It's had ups and downs and last year hurt like hell but now I can sit down, look at myself, and I'm very proud of the fact that I feel like more of an individual than ever. I have my independence. I move to make Independence Day April 3! It feels so good to be able to not answer to anyone yet at the same time, I can include whomever I want in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and people I can relate to. I'm proud of myself for being able to step away from the people who little by little tear away at the mountain that I stand on now. I allow myself to be only around those that I allow me to be the person I've grown to be and accept all of me.

I would be a fool to miss this magic view - Diane Birch

Yeah, that hurt.

So let me tell you about irrational.

I'm still flabbergasted at the fact that the opportunity to discuss this was not given to me.

He takes me to a movie. We may have had these movie plans awhile, however, my movie going experience has been ruined now. Have you seen Alice in Wonderland yet? Why yes, and then I got my heart broken again. He shares popcorn and a drink with me. We leave, discuss the movie. Then out of the blue he tells me my stuff is in the car. I clue in. I ask why. Because my feelings got hurt when I thought he'd bitten my head off. He didn't like that. Whether or not it was intentional or not, it was a miscommunication and deserved discussion.

For your information, there are two people in a relationship. That means there are two individual sets of emotions. One person's world doesn't revolve around you every second, as much you might like it to. That's why communication is key in a relationship and a person who truly loves another discusses a problem and doesn't run from it.

Instead of saying, "Hey, I have a problem with this," he ends it in the car, on the way home from the movie theatre.

And why did I dump you out on the side of the road to walk home? Because as I was trying to tell you before, I'm not the best Christian (you may or may not have gotten to that part because you continued to interrupt me with your "whatevers") that being said that I don't tithe - and for people who do tithe, it's a couple of bucks. You're ELIAS thing? You are paying $125 for a woman to tell you what an entity is communicating through her. My God doesn't do that and he doesn't charge, He just speaks directly to me. I was trying to ask you why couldn't yours? Instead you continuously interrupted me and disrespected me with your attitude. Hope you had a nice walk home.

I would like to say thank you for being one of the many men out there. Just like the lot of them. You make a promise, pretend to act on the promise, and then break it.

How's the view?

I would just like to add before this is read that I am in no way directing this piece to one person in particular. It is merely a reflection I observed throughout my day. Should you read this and feel that I am directing this toward you, know that I'm not and merely considered more the reason as to why you think maybe I am. I am just as guilty of letting my bad day tell me what to do. Considering the number of letters and postings I have put up here that do sometimes antagonize people, I thought I should let you know, these are just my rambling thoughts while sipping a hot cup of chocolate...

People are too busy worried about getting their next fix. We're all in some way addicted to drama. We may be addicted to our own or reality TV drama, we may be addicted to our friends or celebrity drama unfolding. We all say we don't care. The reality is that we really do. It feels good to know that we get to be in the know or our drama makes us important. The painful truth of that matter is that other people may not care about our own personal drama but about someone else's.

We're a society so fixed on staying angry, on who wronged us. We're all guilty of it. God knows I am! We wanted the wrongs righted. We want to be able to breathe a sigh that says we championed the villain and slayed the beast the hurt us and kicked us down. The degree of the wrongs or the level rather isn't up to us to interpret, despite the fact that it's our own wrong. We may feel it's completely worth venting and spitting over while others, be it friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or even family, tell us whether or not to worry. Have you ever noticed that we never listen to what others tell us? Repeat it over and over again if you like, the degree to which you worry about it is still up to you while someone else tells you different.

The thing about drama is that we let it control our attitudes to an extent that is unhealthy. Tiger had how many hoes?? He said that to her?? I'm so angry for him!! There's this redundant saying that attitudes are contagious. The fact is that they are. And anyone who's seen Pretty Woman agrees with Julia Roberts: the bad stuff is always easier to believe. Why is that?

Because it hurts us to tell someone the truth about a matter; therefore, it should hurt someone else just as much to tell us the truth about us. In my nearly thirty years of life, this is just something I've noticed to be true in not only my own world but in the world's of my other friend's as well. We all think we're right, and maybe we are. Who's to say that in every argument, both sides are right? There can be two wrongs and there can be two rights. Just because someone calls you fat or a drama addict doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong or right. It just means someone else sees something different than you.

When something good happens to us, we rejoice. Have you ever timed how long you were happy about something? When something positive enters our existence, the people in our environment are joyful with us. Have you ever timed how long it took someone else to tell you to calm down your own excitement? How often do we take the time to pass along our positive attitude to others? Better yet, how often have you tried and been shunned for the very idea of trying to make someone smile, even if it was just for a second? I'm guilty of not doing that enough. Sometimes it feels like when I do, I get scolded. Other times, I feel more use for myself when I know I've put a grin on some one's face and their laughter in the air.

Now think about how many times we've had a negative attitude. It's been our own personal, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing can go right. Everything can go wrong. I have been the walking Murphy's law. How often are we guilty of allowing our everyday frustrations control our emotional well being? How often do we discourage those who attempt to make us feel better when they care enough to light up our eyes? I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put down for trying to put me up.

We don't realize what our own attitudes can do to others until it's been done to us. It hurts when someone doesn't realize that you care. It's so much easier for us to pay forward our bad days instead of our good and so much harder for us to appreciate those who want to cast some ray of sunshine on our cloudy, cold day. It doesn't matter if it's a right or wrong, it's a matter of dramatizing our own emotions. We blind ourselves with our own present emotional well-being to the point we can't see what we do to the attitudes of others. When we try, we learn our lesson, and make sure others learn it, too- even if they don't have to. The sad part is that because of that, we kill the potential for a happier society.

In Utopia, the criminals are the people who are raised to steal, cheat, and destroy. They are then punished for the very things that they are taught to do. They never learn to perform any differently. In today's society, the people who pay forward their good deeds are the one's punished for trying to make the unhappy happy. No good deed goes unpunished. I learned that lesson today.

There is no good timing for happiness when anger, hurt, or frustration is involved.

Just as you learned your lesson, I learned mine.

The difference in a positive attitude and a negative one is that the negative gives up while the positive keeps going. Just because someone else doesn't want to smile doesn't mean that I don't. The content inherently want to share their felicity.

Yes, we're addicted to drama. We're addicted to ourselves. Something to remember about the people who want you to smile when you are stressed, hurt, venting, getting over, or stewing over your own drama: those are the people who love you and your drama...no matter how important it really is.

I have my own faults and I have my own drama that I'm guilty of obsessing over too much. The next time someone tries to make me smile, I hope I'm not so blinded I can't remember what it's like from their view. I hope I smile back.

Snow Angels

It's snowing outside.

I live in Alabama. That means the entire state's been shut down for flurries.

I will admit though, there is a lot of snow coming down. It's just not sticking very well. It will probably be something of more concern once the roads start to freeze over tonight. That will be great for me seeing as work hasn't notified me of ANY weather plans. Love corporate America.

It's actually kind of nice to wake up and have a lazy day, listening to all the neighbors waking up and playing in the snow. There are sounds of spontaneously laughter and splatters of snow on nylon jackets outside my window. Don't have too much fun out there, guys! This morning, it was as quiet as a mouse outside. Not a peep. The snow was resting gently and collecting slowly in the grass. It would fall in the most lazy of ways to the ground, hypnotizing me as I sipped my coffee.

I feel like a bum. I haven't accomplished much with this time. However, I've actually done a lot. Oxymoron of the day. Just finishing up last minute Valentine's and playing with new software to pass the time. I'm not going anywhere if I don't have to today. It's too cold, it's too wet, and I'm comfortable right where I am.

I'm hoping I don't get snowed in this Valentine's Day weekend. I'm very excited and curious about my Valentine's gift...my curiosity is quite piqued. All I have is a riddle. I like surprises. Always making me think. If you surprise me before I figure this out, you're good. Not many people surprise me - you know why. I don't want anything to spoil tomorrow. He had so much excitement in his eyes when he was teasing me with our mystery plans. I'm excited to find out! I'll just be happy to get to spend some uninterrupted time with him - that time that seems to tick so slowly when we're together and yet I still hate it when it comes to an end.

Then Sunday, I'm going home for the day. I get to see the two other young men in my life and give them their Valentine's from their favorite Aunt.

See, this stupid snow, while peaceful today, messes up a lot of my plans!

Go away, Snow!!

My Muse

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to heard
your time is now

Two letters

To the Fucktard:

Who do you think you are messaging me out of the blue like that and assuming that I should have waited on you? I don't read minds! I downloaded a magic 8 ball for my iPhone and still couldn't determine what exactly you expected of me. All I want is my stuff back! I gave you my address, you can mail it. You know where I live, you can drop it off. Don't you dare ask me to meet you somewhere to get it. Before you even ask, the answer is no. I don't want to see you. I don't want to breathe the same air as you - not anymore. You promised to heal my broken heart and then you shattered it even more.

It's completely disrespectful of you to ask me to drop my life for you on your timetable when a. I'm not ready and b. just because I wasn't ready then didn't mean I wouldn't have been ready later. You did me a favor. I knew about you before I accepted your phone call. I had been there before and knew what you were really like. You pretended to have changed. In the end, you are the same person you've always been: selfish, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate.

You loved me enough for that? You could've waited if you loved me enough. In the beginning, I told you what I what I expected. That was ultimately you're goal. You should've just let me keep my expectations rather than string me along as if you were my hero. Knights in shining armor have longer hair than you.

None of this may make any sense to you at all because you are probably to self-involved to understand what I am and I have ever tried to convey to you. Therefore I don't expect anything from you if you were to ever click on the link to lead you to this page and find this posting and actually realize that this letter is about you and you're idiocy.

You fucked up. I would have loved you more than you ever know. It was my own stupidity that I actually believed you were different. I will never make this mistake again. You missed out on someone who would have treated you as if you were a king, and your child would have been treated as a princess. I would have done anything for you given the time I needed to fully commit to you legally. You responses to me last night are the very reason I'm grateful I said no and further confirm that I was correct in my hesitation to your purity. So you fixed my car, so you fixed me dinner, so you drove to see me, so you took me to dinner and swept me off my feet. Those things and others in no realm of existence say, "I love you," like a phonecall, an answered text, an email, or a fulfilled promise of breakfast in bed.

I'd have sacrificed much for you. Thank God the real you came to the surface before I made a bigger mistake than saying I'd meet you for dinner.

You should have just gone with my speed. From the beginning. I saw your phone, I read your texts, I saw the messages from other women whom you had a good time with earlier in that week. I don't care what you say or who you are. Nothing justifies receiving an email saying I wasn't the only one you were seeing and wanting a monogamous relationship with.

Real love? You were searching so hard and soulfully for real love? Really? You had what you were looking for an instead blew it on your dating sites and secrets. I wasn't born yesterday and find it even more disrespectful that you would propose what you did with the expectations that you have and still lie to me to the very end. Fuck You. Fuck what you are. Fuck who you think are. Fuck what you think you deserve. You deserve the solitude that you put yourself in and the repercussions from that. I'm with someone now who respects me more than you can fathom the definition of that word: "esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment. The condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect." **Just in case you were having trouble with the definitions, dictionary.com has a lot of these words I'm using that are above your realm of knowledge.

For you to assume that I have moved on to something less than you is evidence of your arrogance. He worships me. For you to assume he came from under a bridge? He's worth more to this world than you will ever be capable of being worth. You worry more about the fact that around Valentine's Day, I'm not with you anymore. You worry about the fact that I moved on after you fell off the face of this planet. You are bothered by the very fact that my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. Boo fucking hoo. I never did anything to warrant your Houdini tricks. You're excuse is pointless. If you really loved me enough for that proposition, you could have give me the time I asked for. Never, ever did I say, "Never." I said, "Not yet." You are the self-absorbed one. Your pragmatic nature has cost you more than you'll ever be able to recover from.

If you loved me as much as you say you did, you would've listened when I said I loved you. You would have heard me when I said I would catch up to your speed. You would have known that I wanted to say yes more than you could imagine but knew that I needed just to be with you and that be enough in order to catch up to your time frame.

I don't hate you now but I don't love you anymore. I have a strong distaste for you and your broken promises. I do wish someday you learn from your tarradiddle and errata to be the pseudo-person you promise. I won't say another word to you post this letter. I do hope this sinks into your stubborn skull and plants as a seed that will some day blossom so that your daughter won't grow up with the version of you now as her father.

For her sake, for me, please take note.
-Your biggest mistake

To most beautiful person wholly I've ever met-

I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know the advice once given to me to better myself in relationships has been practiced on you and you are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Past, past, present, present, future, future. Mia vans is mine.

I love how you and I only know what we really think. I love how you look at me and share with me your thoughts and dreams. I love that you're a gentleman. I hold my breath till the next time I get to spend with you so that I may hold my sides from laughter and add knew happy wrinkles to my smile.

You make me hold my head up high. You make me feel beautiful. You encourage me to succeed and support my goal with your respect and admiration. I've never fully accepted someone's love like I've accepted yours. I've never dived head first. Where I was left limping and shallow, you have brought new depths to my world and healed the wounds that so many have marked.

I want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. I admire you're hard work, your effort, your dreams, that you want to attain more. I relish in the fact that you have focus and fun in a happy medium. I love that you open my mind to knew and obtainable things and enjoy the simplicities of life. Cheap fun, love. I appreciate your giving nature and never want you feel taken advantage of. I want to protect you from the evils of this world that manipulate the beauty that you are. I want to make sure you are always able to flash me your Cheshire smile and energetic ways. You radiate happiness.

I will always look at robots and ruins with knew meaning. I will never again be able to look at words in the same context as before. I have learned so much from you in such a short time and can't wait to learn and grow more. You make me hungry to see what the future holds for me. You make me want to do the best I can because you believe in me. I can look at you and see into your beautiful soul the truth you exhibit in your eyes. Trevor. You make me feel OK to experience emotions and bask in the warmth of new experiences discovered with you. I love you.

What was once the four of hearts
And now has only two
Was once torn apart
Because of things askew

But with your half
I and with mine
We will laugh
The 4 with 2 combines

-hbb

Who what?

I don't understand this "Who Dat?!" speak going on!

I understand that it has something to do with the Saint's and the Superbowl but it makes absolutely no sense to me. Would love some enlightment!

Dear Roommate

Dear roommate,

As I right this, you are in the shower, your music in your room is louder than mine in my room, you've left all the lights on, we only have on bathroom, and I really have to pee.

I hear you're pitter patter back and forth between the hall; I understand you are getting ready. However, you have been getting ready for the last 1 hour and 26 minutes and during that time, I've had to pee. That urge is getting considerably worse. With this letter, I am begging of you to allow me some relief.

Please step out of the bath. Please gather the necessary items and do your hair and make-up in your room. Please allow me a few brief seconds in our shared bath to go. I must so bad and quite honestly, I'm urging on can't hold it anymore!

I apologize for the grotesque nature of this text. I simply don't think you can hear me calling your name over your MTv and radio. Also, the squatting dance was not my impersonation of Michael Jackson, it was me trying to ask for permission to enter the bathroom. I am simply beginning to have much difficulty and discomfort; please! please! allow me just a few brief minutes of this huge chunk of time you need to get ready!

Thank you, now get out of my way!

Sincerely,

Your roommate

PS - I'm going to sit on your bed until you're done :)

Trevor

Ever had one of those connections with people that you just can't explain in any way, shape, or form?

Ever looked at someone and for a few brief seconds be able to carry an entire conversation without words?

Have you ever taken to the time to marvel at the youth of today and wonder what goes through their little minds as they make new discoveries?

Has one word ever put so many butterflies in your stomach, you lost your breath?

Ever had one project frustrate you beyond the point of determination and perseverance that success is the ONLY option?

Ever really listened to Dirty Diana?

Ever taken the time to realize that you already have the best of friends in your life, the kind of friends that watch you and support you as you grow into the person you are meant to be?

Ever miss some one's kiss so much, the electricity of it lingers on your lips until you remember to exhale...

Just random questions and ponderings lingering through my mind at this present moment while I sip on my Starbucks this morning. Seems like a lifetime has happened in the last month and I can't slow down enough to catch up on it myself!

I feel so incredibly happy right now! In the last year, I reached so many milestones through my many growing pains. I learned solitary contentment, freedom, the idiocy of decision making on smaller details when so many major problems in the world need a wiser mind than mine. I learned that I'm happy with me, that there is nothing wrong with me (other than my waistband) and that I can do whatever I want to do and not one single person in the world has a say so over that. I learned that with the freedom of my new life comes much responsibility as in that I don't want to start over again like last year. I learned that I can love if I put my mind to it and I can trust, but I have lots of room to improve in those two areas and God has put the right people in my life to help me do that. I know now that it's OK to be...different...quirky...I know someone loves all of that in me and gives me balance.

I think of my life and think of how much better I am now and realize there is so much room for me to learn so many more things in my life...I can't wait...

One night in a Gypsy caravan

I'm smiling so big right now!

After all the dissappointments and challenges that came in 2009, I can honestly say I don't feel like 2010 will be near as tough and I'm looking forward to it! It's not a resolution, it's a fact! Every year we all make resolutions to some degree; even those of us who don't believe in making a list of the things that we will add to our daily lives or change in our daily routines. We set a goal and say, "This will be the year for xyz," and wait for the year to bring it to us instead of making it happen int he 365 days that lie ahead of us.

This year, I'm making it happen. It's hard as hell. But I'm going to make this year be awesome. So far, I must say it's already happening. I had the absolute best New Year's Eve/New Year's E.V.E.R. in the history of Steph! You didn't know it was possible to elope 3 times in one night, now did you?!? I will take my coconuts and ride with Patsy into tomorrow and enjoy every moment of the ride!

It feels so exciting to see a goal is obtainable, and to see yourself making that happen. It's motivating. I say that because it's hard as hell to finish my current goal and I'm encouraging myself. Trevor.

And to you, whom I must protect from the chaos of 2009 with all my might, you make me feel like I'm floating. You have taught me much in such a short time and you have so much more to show me. I can't wait to see.

As random as this post is for the rest of everyone else, I promise that I will have many, many more stories to share. Back to the original idea of this blog; back to writing. Everything will make sense and slowly my life won't have to stay under lock and key anymore.

Just like the rest of them after all

So men are just stupid.

Yes, all of you.

You're stupid for thinking and treating us women like we're stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I shall create a list of assholes and publish it one day...Men whom you should never date...

There will be SOUP!

Decided I would try to cook for the beaux tonight. I hope he doesn't die or get sick! I have been craving taco soup lately! I haven't had it in awhile. Alabama's playing football, R is late so now my apartment smells so good! The smell is making me very hungry!

I put a pot up this morning on what I should dare to cook. A couple of people were interested in my Taco Soup recipe so I thought I would post it for you while I watch Alabama play Miss St.

1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can ranch style beans
1 onion chopped
packet of ranch dressing
packet of taco seasoning
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 lb cooked ground sirloin/beef

Brown the beef, chop the onions, and pour everything into a crock pot. Put it on low for the whole day and come home to a yummy supper. I put sour cream, cheese, and Tostitos scoops in my soup for extra yumminess.

Fingernails and Chalkboards

Let me tell you what I can't stand. I just noticed a person I know doing this. Soapbox.

I hate hypocrites. They piss me off. Just be yourself! I can't stand it when people pretend to speak or do what is socially acceptable just to keep your status.

For example, if you're gay, you're obviously gay, just say so. Who gives a shit? I don't! It's always the negative voices you hear because the people who don't give a shit don't care enough to say, "So what?" and believe me, the number of people who have the latter mentality far exceed the idiots who condemn something they are uncomfortable with.

Another example, it could be as simple has not liking college football but pretending to because you live in a college town, you're afraid you'll hurt yourself. I have a lot of choice words to say about people who pretend to be something they aren't. Family reads this; I won't say them.

Why is it so hard for people today to just appreciate what they like, want, or do? Why be ashamed? There are millions of people around you! Just because one group of people doesn't accept you for your personality traits doesn't mean you don't fit in. It means that you've just been saved from having meaningless associates who judge your for something they are either jealous of or uncomfortable with.

And by all means, don't pretend to like something just to keep up appearances. People see straight through you.

Breath of Fresh Air

Had a date last night, I'm sure he'll read this but I started this blog with a no holds barred mentality and with the exception of other circumstances, I plan on keeping to that.

For the first time, I had a date with someone where I felt comfortable. Helps that I already knew him, and I've known him a long time. God, college seems like forever ago. Extremely nice to hang out with someone that I could actually hold a conversation with.

So, I knew him in college and it's actually quite a funny background story and maybe I'll write about that later. I don't think I'd seen him since then, actually, or maybe afterwards, shit I can't remember that far back. I really didn't recognize him. And I most certainly didn't remember him being almost a foot taller than me. Check one off list. I don't think he remembered me being so short either, he kept looking over my head once I saw him...

Time had changed him a bit. He's still very handsome but he's matured. Has military background, job, is an Alabama fan, graduated high school and college, walks/talks like he's confident, definately has a skill and his own hobbies. Check off 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 items from list. Good start... Overall, he was like a wine that had gotten better with age. So far. The shitty qualities from years ago were gone or minimized and, honestly, I wasn't looking to hard to see if they were there too much because I had such a good time.

First plan was margeritas and mexican food. I needed a drink. However, Iguana Grill was more than packed. I think the Fire Marshall was off duty; there were too many people in there!! So plan B, spontaneous and probably right up his ally since he'd said that's what he wanted anyway, was Kobe. Once we sat at the bar, I didn't quit laughing. That hasn't happened in awhile.

I'm going to be a little bit more honest here, more than anyone needs to know, but I'm going on a limb here. It's a very flimsy limb. I am not good with the whole "trust" thing and "good intentions." Yeah, I admit it, I don't believe anyone has a noble motive when the meet me now. Last night showed me something different, though. For the first time, I saw hope that not all mean are out to get in my pants.

So needless to say, yes, you who I know is reading this, you did well. Yes, you have another date. I'd love to see how much fun we'd have. Now stop getting my name wrong.

The Rules and Counting

1. Must be employed.
2. Must be an Alabama fan.
3. Must be less than within my age up to 4 years older than me.
4. No country music. It sucks. Very, very few exceptions to that.
5. Must have college degree.
6. Must have highschool diploma.
7. Cannot suck the blood out of his parents.
8. Must have a retirement plan in place and in action.
9. Must be debt free.
10. No kids yet.
11. No hitting.
12. No biters...you're stupid if you think nibbling is cute. It's not.
13. Gives good back rubs.
14. Cleans regularly.
15. Respects what I've just cleaned.
16. Allows me my own hobbies.
17. Allows me to watch my own shows.
18. True gift giver - not to buy my affection. To let me know he thinks about me.
19. Respects my time.
20. Always opens every door, every time, every where, every day.
21. Loves movies.
22. Must be taller than me.
23. Has his own hobbies.
24. Has a skill.
25. Doesn't put me down for Lucill Ball moments. I have many of them.
26. Knows when to leave me alone.
27. Doesn't yell.
28. Communicates.
29. Never cheated on anyone.
30. Loves the gym. And it shows.
31. Speaks a foreign language.
32. Loves music.
33. Eeuughhh...I'll not list this one.
34. And I won't list this one either. They're censored. For me only. :)
35. Believes in himself.
36. Isn't cocky.
37. Takes pride in appearance.
38. Doesn't tell me who I can be with.
39. No curfews.
40. Has a life and let's me in but doesn't shove it down my throat.
41. Keeps his nails clean.
42. Clean shaven.
43. Knows how to make a bed.
44. Can fold clothes.
45. Brings me soup when I'm sick.
46. Plays an instrument.
47. Has never been arrested.
48. Doesn't believe in public intoxication.
49. Hates patron.
50. Never accuses me of bullshit.
51. Doesn't do drama.
52. Looks like Daniel Craig.
53. Respects when I don't want to talk about something.
54. Doesn't read my diary.
55. Trusts me completely.
56. Never gives me a reason to not trust him.
57. Gives me an off day if I want it.
58. Believes in me, even when I don't.
59. Supports me during my project.
60. Has a dream and wants to achieve it.

These last two weeks have been great! I should probably explain, that's because I quit my job! I have been doing absolutely nothing...well that part's not true, really. I have been doing quite a lot.

Truth is, I have made a huge change and that's required a lot of tedious things to be done. I haven't just lost my ever-loving mind and have decided that jobless will pay my bills. In fact, I already have another job lined up, but I am not starting until I get back from the beach.

Which is where I am right now.

Be jealous - it's beautiful down here!! OK - don't be jealous - pack a bag and come see how beautiful it is!!

The water is clear, the weather is perfect, the sun is out, the tanned resort boys are out putting the cushions out this morning...it's great!! In fact, the view is so awesome, my bed is right next to the window facing the ocean!

I have a Twin

Latest message in my email today:

Is it right?

Stranger: I'm not sure if I'm right or not. Anyway is this you right :D
?? i mean u know me ? .....Giza !!???? is you really or you just
look like her :D ?

Me: i don't think you have the right girl. I'm sorry!

Stranger: so don't you live in Egypt ?????

Me: No i live in the states

Stranger: sorry Stephanie but you look like her so much.
nice to meet you ;) thanks

Nobody Calls Me Sqints!!

I can see!!!

I got my contacts today! I'm so incredibly excited to not struggle to see anymore!!!

This is wonderful! Besides cheesecake, this is putting the biggest smile on my face!!

Overdue

I'm so excited this morning! I am finally getting my eyes checked!! I'm going to leave there feeling like a new woman! I can't wait to get my contacts back!

Following that, I have a dentist's appointment. I had never been afraid of those before but the last time I went, it was a bit painful. Note to self: Get the gas this time!!

Feedback

Here's a great consensus of my dating life (via Facebook):

StephanieThis date went much better!

A:

It wasn't the same guy, was it?

14 minutes ago · Delete

Stephanie:

Don't hit me! It was the sober version. We had a very good discussion about boundaries tonight. He understands there are no more chances. I made it so strict, I bet he runs!

11 minutes ago · Delete

A:

I wasn't judging, but your account made him seem like the biggest butthole on the planet. I didn't figure you'd want to see him again.

10 minutes ago · Delete

Stephanie:

I really didn't at all. I was pretty pissed. And he was the biggest ass. I don't really think I should be giving him another chance, but I am. I had a lot of fun with him before any of that happened. I think that's what pissed me off the
most. Here we are having a blast and there he goes being a dick.

7 minutes ago · Delete

A:

It happens. I have a friend like that that I love, and sometimes he gets so volatile and unmanageable that I have to send him home.

6 minutes ago · Delete

M:

Its like me with cashews. Sometimes they upset my stomach and make me have digestive problems, but all the while, I still love them. Oh cashews....you silly mixed nut you.

28 seconds ago · Delete

Stephanie:

LMAO!
M, thank you for making my pitiful dating life so nutty!!

2 seconds ago · Delete

Take 2

You're going to call me an idiot.

I went on a date with D#1 tonight. I got weak!!

We had a good talk last night. He had been sending me text messages begging for forgiveness and admitting that he's an asshole. That part made me smile. I didn't have to even tell him! He called me, eventually, seeing as text message eventually get confusing when discussing something serious. I listened to what he had to say, but I made sure D#1 heard what I had to say.

Needless to say, it bothers me a bit that he has the same bottom line over and over again. He thinks that my irritation is solely in reference to his ogling of other females. In actuality, it's not. It's his behavior generally while intoxicated. It's the fact that he is the age that he is and was as irresponsible and insulting as he was. At first he didn't understand why it was such a big deal to me; and if he doesn't still, then I had a great free meal and probably the last for a minute.

D#1 now has boundaries and stipulations. There is to be no drinking around me. There is to be no threatening bodily harm to my friends. Actually, after some time has passed, it's up to him to make amends with my friends and make things right. He screwed his first impression with them and many others. K thinks I'm crazy and can't wait to say, "I told you so." He has other guidelines to follow as well.

I say, I have made things so strict for him that I will be surprised if he sticks around passed the weekend.

This is like having my own little bitch!

In the end, he said he wanted what we had back. I told him that what we had led to our problem. Why not modify it and do things differently; not make the same mistakes again? If he can't do that, then I'll know now that I am wasting my time.

Sigh

I can't sleep tonight.

I'm a bit irritated.

D#1 is begging for forgiveness. I got short with my best friend for when he was trying to help me. I also think I scared D#2 a bit with my short temper.

I'm just in a mood.

Caution: Bitch on the loose!

Honestly, and sadly, I would like to know D#1 on a sober level, seeing as we have had a blast together recently. I'm having a difficult time seeing past that big red flag in front of his face, though! As for S, I apologized profusely, I feel terrible about it! I also apologized to D#2. I should have been more patient with my problems instead of letting the stress (work and non-work related) get to me right now.

I do have blackmail for D#1, should I agree to see him again. I have in my possession the photo of him passed out in front of bar. He even has a plastic cup hat! If he pisses me off again, you'll get to see it, too!!

I need a Girl's Night Out!

Stephanie's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Date

I feel like a bad person after my weekend. I know that I probably shouldn't.

Friday night started off very normal for me. D#1 was taking me out to go see a local band here in town, one I've seen several times before and was a little nervous about my behavior to come. Never in a million years did I think that D#1's behavior is what I should have worried about.

We get to the bar, he orders shots. "I'm only doing one, babe," I tell him. "I'm driving, k, and I have to work in the morning."

"OK" he answers. The night goes on as normal, we all chat and cut up at the table, dance to the music, have a blast.

Another hour later, more shots. Disrespect. I had met a couple of my friends at this bar and one of my friends and I head to the stage. I didn't want to do anymore shots. A few songs later, I work my way back to the table and find out that D#1 is obliterated. He's not just drunk, he's tore up. I also find out that he's been talking and rubbing up on other women while I've been away.

WTH???

I also find out that he just wants to get me, "Patroned Up," this coming from my friends of course.

Now, before I go any further, let's preface this!

I have known D#1 for three weeks at this point. I'm very turned off by this drunken behavior. I'm turned off by his staggering, wandering, now-grabbing self at this bar where he had balls enough to do this in front of my friends! I'm also extremely disappointed because he had presented himself to be an all-around nice, hard-working guy. He always got the door for me, which I really liked!! I know, cheesy.

I've known my friends much longer. They know more about what I've been through this year than most. They will always be looking out for me; I trust them for that. I understand I'm not the only one who's had a hard time, however, my friends are trying to make sure things don't get harder for me.

So, D#1 goes missing. With my car keys. And I want to go home. Twenty or thirty minutes later, I finally find his swaying self talking to a group of girls at the bar. I brushed into him to let him know I was behind him and he blew me off completely. I still didn't have my keys.

A few minutes later, he finds me, rests his head on my shoulder and starts the passing out process. I have no clue how many he's had by now, but I want to go home and I don't want to take him with me.

"Hey, give me my keys real quick." I held out my hands and he reached in his pocket to pause.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just headed to the car to get something for K really quick," I answered. I want my keys so I can leave your drunk ass here to go home with some other bitch. I turned to go catch up with K outside for a second and he follows me. He wants to go with me!

"Hey, Babe, you're toasted!" I guided him to a chair. "Sit right here, I'm going to go with for a second, K?"

All he could do was nod. His eyes were glazed over and half shut. His mouth was hanging open and he couldn't stand anymore. For two seconds, I thought about getting him some water but I knew that it was a waste of my time. I also was pissed.

K and I pick up her sister down the street, walk back and we find him completely passed out at this time, in front of the bar. He looked like a conversation piece! We go back inside, party and play some more, have a good time. Meanwhile, I'm texting some of my friends to find out of if they are coming out, find a guy friend to walk me to my car. I knew that D#2 was at home and I really didn't need an escort home, just to my car!

No Luck.

1 am, I left. By myself.

My date was left up front, passed out in a chair with plastic cups thrown on him. Actually, a little bird told me there is a picture of this floating around the internet now!!!LMAO!!!

1:15 am, Roommate gets the d/l. We gather all of D#1's belongings together and make sure he has no reason to come in the apartment when he does make it back.

2 am, D#1 has made it back. D#2 answers the door gives him his bag and tells him to leave.

It was a TNT moment from here; he says he's forgotten something in my room, he's hidden cash. I nodded to D#2 that it was OK. He walks back to my room and doesn't see me in the kitchen. Something slammed. D#2 runs back to my room and starts walking him back to the front. D#1 sees me. D#1 is drunk and begins to curse me inherently to the devil. FYI, I'm an f'n whore and f'n bitch. He was so intoxicated, I don't think he had any other colorful metaphors to describe me.

D#2 steps up at this time, gives him two options: Leave or be put out. I love my new roommate!! "Dude, look you've got her in a corner. Just call her when your sober. I'll help you get your stuff to your truck."

The two D's leave.

Ten minutes later, they are still outside talking.

D#1 is crying like a baby.

Apparently, he denied all of it. He was never talking to other women, trying to get me patroned up and he never told anyone that I needed to stay with him for his money -- He loves me!!

Man in the house

My new roommate has moved in.

Let me tell you how chaotic this has been! It should be very easy for someone to move their paraphernalia in a home, however, you also have to move your stuff out so they have room for there's! Geez!!! I have a lot of stuff! Fortunately, I'm not a pack rat!

My guest room is where I had stored my Christmas decor. All of that has been consolidated and moved to a storage closet. The rest of the items in there were is to dispose.

I think I've found a good fit, for a roomie that is. D #2 works nights, I work days. To make things even more fun, he has several similarities with the guy I'm currently seeing (D #1). Keeping the conversations straight has been very interesting! Here's a list of what they have in common:

• Both have the same name

  Both are from the same state

  Both are in the same industry

  Both work long hours

  Both raised cocker spaniels

  Both cook Yes!!!!

Let's just say that I have confused the history of these two more than once... But they've met each other, and to make it even more hilarious to me only maybe my roommate gets along with the guy I'm dating maybe better than I do! WTH?!

Upgrading

I'm so excited to announce that I have invested in a new laptop!

Gone are the days where I type faster than the slow computer can process. So long days of waiting endlessly for Facebook to load. Screw you "Internet Connection Failed" messages!!!

Really, I am very pleased with my new machine! I'm actually very surprised with it. I bought and Acer off of TigerDirect.com. It's even got this handy little camera mounted on the monitor so I can take pictures! Like this!!

Fireworks

What a crazy week and weekend it's been!! Hope everyone had a great fourth! Mine was spent on the lake with all of my friends and their children - food and beer included. It was awesome! Until I lost my house keys!! That didn't ruin my weekend, though! The fireworks were great, the water was awesome and I had a blast! Thanks to Dee Ann for having us all over!!

Met a couple of potential roommates as well this weekend. Oh the decisions I will have to make -- but more on that later!!

I have come to a conclusion that I need a list! I have attracted too many weirdos. I'm just a magnet for them. So I'm going to make a list - a big, long, picky list of requirements that a guy has to meet before I can go out on a date with him. Certainly that should nip some of this in the bud!!

Need a moment

I don't particularly care to bitch on here that often. I realize that my thoughts are up here for the world to read. That's probably one of the main reasons I haven't written as much lately -- I just don't want to come across as bitchy but I have to do this...at this point, I'm just frustrated.

Let me start with this: Dating is stupid. Men are stupid. Most men are just boys.

Here's why: guy #1, date a bit, we move in opposite directions, no love lost. Now, ding-dong wants to know why I don't speak to him anymore, if he can come over and "cuddle," and if we can be "special friends." Really?? How about a big fat no when you showed up at my apartment unannounced and when you told me you were at my door at 3 am another time, and really weren't even there?! That is a big fat, "Stay the hell away from me!"

Guy #2, Cool guy, fun to hang around. I love to hang out with him because there is no pressure at all! Pretty open relationship, able to date/see other people, free to hang out with friends, with each other or with each other and our friends. Just a fun person - Until I found out he tried to pick up a friend of mine at that bar...is that jealousy??? Wth???

Guy #3, Total sweetheart. I can't say enough good thing about him. I'm just not ready to give him what he's looking for - despite the fact he still wants it from me. I have to say for a minute that I thought maybe I could try but let me honestly say that I'm so far from that right now. What I need more of right now are friends who are just there for me but allow me my space when I need it.

The reason I bring this up?? Because all of it is unnecessary drama! Every ounce of it! This is why dating is stupid, this is why it's a waste of my time, this is why I didn't want to date to begin with.

I don't understand why things have to be blown out of proportion, why some people just don't take what you say for what it's worth. I don't understand why some people don't understand that no means no. I don't get why men are so...persistent and dead set on making sure the crazy one's are only attracted to me! That's for another time!

And men say women are complicated - I say men complicate women!

I know at least of the three reads this blog, however, I wish all three did. This is my message to them, and yes, to all you guidance counselors, I have said this bluntly, I hate drama. I've had enough drama in my life the last year, to be exact, and I want no more of it. I want to be selfish for once and have me time. I don't have to justify it. I don't have to excuse it. I don't have to explain myself. Quite frankly, it's none of your damned business what I do with my time, and if you don't like it, do what I told you to do in the beginning and move on. I've had enough bullshit to deal with, especially in the last six months, and quite frankly, your bullshit is not even close to the hell I've been through.

Don't bring drama into my home and expect me to pet your ego. Don't take things so seriously. If you can't, find someone else who finds it just as important as you do...I don't want your drama.

Sounds like you've got a case of the Mondays!!

Yesterday was just one of those long days. Everyone seemed to be in the Monday funk. And that Monday funk started, for me, when we had to put out keys (which are another story in of itself, entirely!)

The keys had been put in a box. No big deal. We all sorted out the mess and marched outside and started locating cars. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. At least, not until we got to the Sonatas.

Just to let you know, some trims levels are a lot, A LOT, more popular than others. Those others may sit there a minute and sometimes a light may have been left on, a door ajar, something that has run the battery down. So we had to jump off a few Sonatas. No big deal.

Right. No big deal til I got to lift the hood on the white one with an f'n wasps nest in it!!!

I don't know if you know this about me or not...I am deathly afraid of those things.

So D comes to the rescue and puts the charger on the car while I'm in the driver's seat, freaking out! The only thing I could think of was to leave the door open in case on of those pointed-ass bastards came through an air vent!

All of a sudden, D, who is a nice size dude, starts screaming, "Crank it already!! I'm going to get stung!!"

Ohhhh yeah.... I forgot you were over there!!

The one where he got my number

I've been wanting to write this one for awhile.

Several weeks back, my friends threw me a "Freedom Party," for lack of a better term.

I had just found out that my divorce was final and was ex tactic! Free! Free!! Free!!! After several months of unending headaches, I finally was divorced. So we celebrated at a local bar in town where a band was playing.

The band, who is coming to town again soon and I can't wait to go see again, found out that I was newly single. At the same time, in the bar with us was a bachelorette party. Now, this is the part of the evening that, yes, is a bit groggy. A bit, a bit.

I was dressed in a black shirt and tight jeans. The stress I've been through has done wonders for the body, I tell you! My friend, who threw this party for me, was wearing nothing but a bra/vest type deal and even tighter jeans. Hate her...she pulled it off!!! Up on the stage we're pulled, shots being passed around everywhere.

I look over to my right and on stage with me is this poor, pitiful looking bride. I wanted to slap sense into her like someone should have done to me. My friend grabbed the microphone, screamed, "DON'T DO IT!" as the innocent was being introduced. She looked so happy; taking advantage of the last thread of wild in her. The crowd gave a clap while she raised her drink and spun around, holding the clumsy veil on her head.

I thought, "You look like you're about to be sacrificed." Meanwhile, I heard my name called.

"And this girl, ladies and gentlemen, very big night for her. While the other girl is getting married next week, Stephanie, is celebrating her divorce!!!" The next thing I know, the room is going A.P.E.S.H.I.T!!!! More drinks are being passed around, someone is dancing with me onstage, I'm getting high fives and congratulations...

It was crazy!!

Finally, I get back to my table after the journey of high fives and shots. How I hadn't fallen in my high heels is beyond me.

About that time, a very tall guy comes our way. I knew for certain he headed for my friend. I brushed him off until he sat next to me and leaned in.

"Crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah," I was pretty shy about meeting new people. Give me a break. It'd been a few months but meeting people in a bar was definitely not on my top ten things to do. "It's good to get out and have some fun, tho!!"

He had on a ball cap and a pressed polo shirt. His crooked little smile made his eyes sparkle a bit. But it was very dark, making out his face again would be difficult. I looked down and started playing with my phone.

"Hey, I like that phone!" He pointed to my toy. "Can I see it a sec?"

"Uh, sure?"

"So, are you from here?"

"Not originally."

He looked up from my phone a moment, "You don't sound southern."

"Well, I am...just not good with the accent!" I laughed. Sometimes I tend to sound a bit Yankee. I get made fun of for it, too.

"Well, I just put my number in your phone. Text me sometime!"

What the hell?!

Oh Holy Hell!!!

Just to make things more awkwardly hysterical, one of the persons in the previous post has a blog, and it took two clicks from my blog to find her!!

Does that mean it will take two clicks from her page to find me??

I have Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome

This week has been filled with nothing but awkward moments. Two in particular that left the room filled with that silent moment where everyone was looking at the elephant in the room.

Recently, about once a week, I've been meeting my friend Heather for coffee. I love Heather. She is one of the sweetest, most genuine people in the world. She's probably the best friend a person could have! During one of our weekly coffee jaunts, she mentioned her study group was starting a movie study. It would begin Tuesday and the girls would watch Fried Green Tomatoes. I love that movie! Bud-dyyyy!!! Can't watch it and not cry.

Tuesday, she picks me up and we go to her friends house. We were early (yes, it is in writing that I was early somewhere) and one other woman came in shortly after us.

I didn't pay her much attention, other than our hairstyles were quite similar. Lots of waves, shoulder length and hers was red. She was older than me and had a welcoming face.

"Stephanie, this is Kristen, she's my attorney," Heather introduced.

Bell is ringing.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you. What's your firm?"

"Kristen Love," she answered. DING DING DING DING

Stephanie, don't say what you're about to say!! "I thought you looked familiar! You're one of the first attorneys I visited when I was getting my divorce!"

Doh!!!

Last night capped my "Insert Foot Here" moments when an old co-worker came into town for a visit.

Not having seen my friend in months, I really wanted to go out with everyone to go get a drink and catch up. At some point, we landed at The Booth, where an acquaintance was having her birthday party. I don't know her very well, I used to work with her late brother. However, I did frequent her salon to get my hair done, and that's where I was introduced to one of my favorite hairstylists ever.

If you're not a girl, you don't understand. Let me give you an idea. Hair is expensive. Thick hair like mine is even more expensive to cut and color. I don't go often and am always looking for someone who can do a good job for less than $50. It's very difficult to find. Until I met Jennifer who does an awesome job and under $50! She rocks! I also liken it breaking up with someone when I leave a good hair stylist. I didn't tell Rachel I wasn't going to see her anymore.

Whilst sipping my beer, I looked over my shoulder, and hear, "Why did you stop seeing me?!!!"

Shit! "I was broke?"

The one where Stephanie takes an Ambien...

I have advice for you. If you are instructed to take any sleep medication called Ambien, take it exactly as prescribed. In fact, if your doctor gives you a prescription, as for a lower dose! Then, follow his directions very closely; never stray. It's vital that you never go more than two months between dosages as well. The results can be rather...embarrassing.

I had a long weekend. It was an awesome, fantastic weekend. It was Mother's Day! I had family time, friend time, social activities! I even sold half a car! It was a very pleasant and memorable weekend.

It was also tiring, and I don't have the best time sleeping and staying asleep these days. That is why I have Ambien.

I don't like this medication. It works, I sleep, however, I wake up feeling like I am a bottle of whiskey rather than having had a full nights sleep. Also, I've heard of the nightmares that can happen while on this drug. From people talking to walls, sleepwalking, even driving somewhere while asleep! I make sure to take it when I can devote more than 9 hours to sleep!

That was last night. I had 9 hours to sleep, despite the few hours left until the beginning of my work week. At 8:45 pm, I took my little white pill, made sure my door was locked, hid my keys, grabbed my dog and laid in the bed. At 6:00 am this morning, I woke up, groggy and hung over, and looked through my phone for any missed messages. I didn't remember much of the previous night, however, my friend, M, did. This is what I found out:

Usual morning text to M, "Good Morning!"

M: Good Morning! How was your Ambien sleep?

Me: Uhh..Good? Slept hard, lots of dreams!

Oh shit! I talked in my sleep!

Me: OMG I TALKED IN MY SLEEP DIDN'T I??!

M: Yes. You did.

Me: About what??

M: Mardi Gras, archbishops, fishing. U said the room was crowded with people in mardi gras costumes. U likd the white padded and crystal rooms.

Me: Fishing!!?

M: You said Ambien had a little car that took you from room to room and you want to find the cyrstal room again.

M: The xmen were hanging banners and wanted 2 b treated normal, the guy in the chair wouldn't stop staring at u, there were 2 kids playing b ball, ne going fishin

M: People on the mountain singing, u were at Target, you couldn't get Ambien's car started...

Me: I'm so embarrassed!

M: Don't be!

Me: Why didn't you hang up on me?!

M: You were cute and you said that you didn't want me to hang up!

Me: LMAO! I was obviously asleep! I'd have never known!! How long did I talk???

M: An hour.

The Truth Hurts

I have come to the conclusion that this blog is not possible without me being honest about the events in my life. That doesn't mean I have to give you any details, however, that does mean that all the good stories I have to write end up, in some way or another, revolving around a major event in my life.

That leaves me no choice but to admit a major and personal piece of information to you I care not to go into detail about, nor ever will I.

Let me keep it simple by saying that I am now divorced and happier than I ever thought possible.

I hate it for you if you like the really juicy shit. That won't fit on the blog...Blogger's server isn't big enough!

Who says safety has to be an issue!!

Did you know the Blue Angels were in town? If you live in Alabama and didn't know that, welcome back from under that rock you've been living underneath. It has been a very fun week in Tuscaloosa! Always something flying over!

Except for the Blue Angels...

I've been teased all week long. You can hear them, but where I work, you can' see them! So many of my friends send me texts:

Friend #1: I just saw the Blue Angels fly over!!

Me: Oh! Awesome! I can hear them, too! Maybe they'll fly over the dealership soon!

Friend #1: Well they scared [Child] to death! They are loud! I didn't know what it was!!

Me: O I hope 2 c them soon!! Tell them to fly over here!

Friend #2: The Blue Angels are practicing over my building!!

Me: Oh neat! Wat r they doin? I'm going 2 c them Sun! Can't wait!

Friend #2: Flying upside down!! You should go Sat! It's going 2 b beautiful!

Me: Can't. Have 2 work. Chance of rain down for Sun, tho.

Friend #2: They are flying so low you can see the pilot! They just waved!

Another friend of mine from work went on Saturday, too. It was a beautiful day yesterday! The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, you could hear the planes, people were everywhere in Tuscaloosa. My friend correctly predicted this would happen. When James Spann says "storms" in the forecast, people duck and run. Storms are in the forecast for today...

So while my friend was hanging out at the airport, grilling out, drinking a beer at Tuscaloosa's small airport Saturday - on the most beautiful day we've had in weeks - I was working, waiting impatiently for my turn to see the much heard of Blue Angels!

I wake up this morning, fix my coffee, sit down with dog, turn on the computer and enjoy the silent hum it makes while it boots. Then, a familiar sound of thunder starts to rumble. Are the planes already coming in? It's a little early... Then a huge flash of light, a loud clap of thunder and the April showers start.

I can't listen to the Blue Angels all week and NOT see them.

Gates open in one hour and 39 minutes. It's not raining near like it was earlier...but given the slight chance that it could continue, I'm going to have to demand that the Blue Angels and all other stunt and show planes fly today. I feel like I'm being teased... Safety? What safety! A little rain never hurt people jumping out of planes with parachutes!!!

Burned. Out.

If you have anything Pampered Chef, then you know what a Micro Cooker is. If you don't, let me define it.

Micro Cooker: God's gift to the cooking impaired.
Cooking Impaired: Me!

I cook everything in my micro cooker! EVERYTHING! Chicken, rice, you name it! It's the cooker to end all cookers!!
And it's dirty.

This morning, I was in a rush and didn't really have to thoroughly clean my micro cooker but I really wanted chicken to go on my salad for lunch. It was a quarrel amongst myself. Clean the micro cooker or bake the chicken; and both took too long!

Last night, I marinated my chicken, I tenderized my chicken. I had it ready to go!! And all I had to do was put it in the micro cooker. It's just this black plastic bowl with a lid - I thought surely my corningwear would substitute just fine!

So, into the microwave it went. I shut the door and punched in the buttons; 10-12 minutes should do. I'll check on it at the 11 mark.

I ran back into the bathroom to finish getting ready for work. My hair dryer has been sparky lately and my hair takes a lot longer to dry than it has before, so I never knew it when I was way past minute 12...until I smelled the smoke.

By now I was dressed for work and running late. I saw the smoke billowing from the microwave. Not again I thought. I pulled open the black machine to find the entire inside of my microwave caked in marinade. Lying on the now crusty glass was my chicken, not a third the size it used to be, charcoal black.

Lesson I learned? I only catch things on fire at my apartment. Evidence that it's not me - it's the apartment!!!

And for all of you who asked on my Twitter and Facebook pages, THAT is how you set chicken on fire!

The Day the Music Died

So, I'm a terrible blogger.

Maybe not terrible, but not habitual like I used to be.

There is a reason for it. Are you going to get that reason? Not right now - though it would open up the door for me to write MANY more stories!

There are so many things I've needed to have been writing recently. Most of them I can't at this present time. Life is too hectic. But it does calm down. Some other things, goals, I want to write about and can't because it would compromise other positions. That makes me sound like a spy!! Cool!! Let's just say that in several months, this blog is going to read like a sick romance novel!!

I'll get Fabio to pose for the header!!!