The reason I'm being difficult about your generous offer to buy me clothing is because I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, detest shopping for apparel. My impedimenta are not necessarily intentional, rather subconscious, as I always leave dressing rooms in tears and ready to find solace in a giant bowl of vanilla ice cream and peanut butter.
Should that happen, the shopping process would then be further extended due to unnecessary weight gain and self-pity. The cycle would repeat itself and more money would then be spent on JIF and Blue Bell.
It's much easier for you to do one of these two things:
1. Buy said items in appropriate size without me to replace said articles you are tired of.
2. Buy said items in appropriate size without me because you are insanely sweet and thoughtful of me like that.
I recommend keeping a copy of receipt and in the event of tearflow, please ignore, it is nothing you did. It is simply a side-effect of self-disappointment in physical stature.
There are a few preventative measures you can take and others you can continue to make to help lower the risk of me crying. That list includes:
- Telling me how beautiful I am. All the time.
- Refraining from negative comments about my boobs, stomach, ass, and thighs.
- Offering me regular terms of endearment.
- Not buying something you know is too big (i.e. Plus size).
- Asking me sizes in advance... But good luck on that one...
Furthermore, I'd like to remind you that this email is in no way designed to be offensive, rather a humorous and honest way of letting you know why I only shop for clothing as necessary.
Have a good week at work, DrSP! I will see you Saturday when hopefully I will have acquired us tickets, as promised!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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