Bird Lessons

The air in Tuscaloosa is sooo sweet right now. You know how characters of a sitcom are in an unusually good mood the day after they have a "successful" date? That's what it's like here in Tuscaloosa - like all the citizens got a really good -er- massage.

Any Auburn fan in town is very quiet. Or already talking about next year. Plenty are talking about how dirty Nick Saban is because of how he acted at half-time. I disagree. I think he did what any coach would do - his job! This bud's for you, Nicky!

I think the sportsmanship is all in good fun, though. I always have. It's healthy! Everybody treats me like I'm this die-hard, asshole type fan and I'm really not! I'm really just having a lot of fun! And 99.9% of the people who really know me know that when I flip you off it's in good humor. I don't really mean any offensive gesture, and to be honest, I don't think I ever have meant it. It's sort of my signature. Several people I work with haven't had a complete day until I give them the finger!

So, when I made up the joke, "Hey, Auburn fans, fear my finger!" and held up my middle finger - it really was meant as a joke! Not in bad sportsmanship! Not in low-class! Not in smart-ass! It really was a joke! And I didn't just go around flashing my joke to just anyone! I mean, if you know me, you know it's a joke right? I thought so!

So the other day, well Saturday - the day of the Iron Bowl - I ran into this guy I know at the gym. He's tall, middle-aged, very sporty, salt-and-pepper gray hair. He is always very nice and from what I know of him, he and his wife are very genuine people who will get their reward in heaven. I was working my legs in a circuit when he waved and we started chatting. He finished his workout and I didn't think anything about the routine "Roll Tide" I offered as he said good bye.

"Oh, no!" He shook his head. "War Eagle!"

"Seriously?" I'm always dumbstruck by the Auburn fans who reside in Tuscaloosa, Alabama of all places!

"Yeah, that's where I went to school!" I then remembered that he's also originally from my hometown. Where I grew up, the ratio of Alabama to Auburn fans is close to 50/50. Still, very few homes are divided there. I find it hard to imagine that you can't marry a fan of the opposing team but can reside in the territory of the enemy...just seems weird.

"Oh! Well, looking forward to today's game!" I said cheerfully, "It's going to be a great game! I think the streak is going to be over, though!"

He laughed, "Yeah, Auburn's got to get it together to beat Bama."

"I get kind of tickled by all this 'fear the thumb' crap! It's just funny how serious some people take it" FYI - all fans Alabama or Auburn take it serious. Say what you want, we're serious about our SEC football and the Iron Bowl. Get over it!

"Yeah, we're going to be out of jokes for a year!" he agreed.

He stood there laughing for a second while I thought, Surely, he'll get my joke! "Hey, I've been teasing my Auburn friends all year!"

"Oh really?" He raised his eyebrows, "How?"

"Oh, I've just been telling them to fear my finger!" And I held up my finger, very flemsly-like - to be sure he knew it wasn't to cause offense.

I laughed at myself, thinking certainly he would know I obviously didn't direct the joke towards him! These birds are delicate matters you see - I know when to make sure my joke is intended to be a joke! Well, it wasn't flemsy enough! This kind of moment can only happen in a movie... or to me!

His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. His hand waved me off and flew to hold the top of his hat as he literaly jumped up in the air, turned and ran out of the gym. The door slammed behind him and I was left with my middle finger halfway up in the air, speechless.

Oops...Note to self: Don't joke with strangers. Worse than taking their candy!