One cup of Irish Blend coffee, please...extra Bailey's

The past couple of years, I've not really enjoyed Christmas. I could just enjoy the season with my family and be just as happy. I don't care about the gift giving, I don't want anything, I don't need anything (except for the usual; money, Prozac...), and I don't really get into the whole "singing-Christmas-carols-while-driving-down-a-deserted-two-lane-highway-in-search-for-the-perfect-Christmas-tree" scene. Could care less. I only decorate because my husband asks me to. The first year we dated, we didn't even exchange presents!

So the fact that I always get stuck un-decorating or decorating difficult trees probably doesn't help.

We put the Christmas tree up at work today. It's a giant, pre-lit mammoth that some conniving moron menaced with an evil comic book laugh. Who ever designed this tree is laughing at me earnestly right now. And laughing at the scratches on my arms. I look like I've been attacked by an army of cats!

Here's what I learned about while putting up the Christmas tree at Tuscaloosa Hyundai today:

• The tree has three section and fifteen plugs, at least!
• Not all the plugs' male parts have a female part...
• After you've spent 6 hours of your day trying to find the female part for the male part, it helps to know that there is an extension chord for those male parts.
• Fake, pre-lit pine trees are sharp.
• It is possible for Ed to fall asleep standing while following the cord in search for one of the much needed female parts.
• I have two kinds of co-workers; the kind that help and the kind that don't.
• Patience is a requirement when assembling a Christmas tree.
• A blown bulb doesn't mean the strand won't work.
• Don't assemble the tree infront of the owner's office. He's just as frustrated as you are.
• I have very smart-ass co-workers.
• Standing and watching a frustrated person fight with the source of her anger only makes the person more frustrated. You know who you are.
• Standing and watching a frustrated person fight with the source of her anger, telling her how to fix it, not listening when she tells you she tried it, repeating your theories anyway and refusing to help when she asks only makes the person livid.
• I work with a bunch know-it-alls.
• People watching you fight with trees shouldn't get mad at you for not getting it right when they don't offer to help.
• People watching you fight with trees shouldn't get mad at you for not getting it right and understand that somebody else told you already had all the parts to the tree the first time you asked about additional "parts".
• People watching you fight with trees shouldn't get mad at you for not getting it right and go find something else to do if they arent' going to help.
• Tequila makes any tree look better!
• Whiskey makes any tree look even better!
• It is not kosher to stand behind the person frustrated with the tree and ask them what is taking so long.
• It is not kosher to laugh at the frustrated person who is stepping away from the Christmas tree and then sing "O Christmas" tree...
• We have THE SINGLE MOST BEAUTIFUL Christmas tree in Alabama.